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To ask about birthday money?

(24 Posts)
NewtoCornland Mon 08-Aug-16 12:37:26

It was my birthday Friday just gone, not a special age just a bog standard birthday. By all accounts it was a shit day...oh decided to work (and it was a choice) whole other thread , no message from either brother, no card from mum or sister. I was a miserable shit who felt rather sorry for myself.

In the evening I got a call from mum who said she hadn't had chance to get a present and would put money in my account so I could buy myself something....the money is yet to appear but I can't make up my mind if it's bad manners to ask if she intends to do it? FWIW I don't and didn't expect anything and I am far from entitled, just wish she hadn't said anything!

Nabootique Mon 08-Aug-16 12:40:37

I would send a message along the lines of "I've decided to put my birthday money towards (insert thing here). I've wanted one for ages, so thank you smile" Something like that as a prompt.

NewtoCornland Mon 08-Aug-16 12:45:45

Ah well the conversation after she asked what I wanted was about the puppy that's coming home soon and I would probably use it to buy a couple things (bed, bowls etc) as I have everything I need. She was happy with that, so she knows what I was planning.

I'm kind of feeling awkward now, like I should just write it off.

Nabootique Mon 08-Aug-16 12:52:51

Hm, tough one. When is the puppy coming? Could you use that as a prompt? Say that you are going shopping for the bits and she might think "Ah! Yes, I forgot to put that money in.". Otherwise, I suppose you might have to let it go. Seems mean of her though.

user1470390469 Mon 08-Aug-16 12:59:40

Agree with Nabootique

NewtoCornland Mon 08-Aug-16 13:03:17

Puppy will be home in 4 weeks. I'll still get what I need for him, it wasn't dependent on birthday money as that wasn't on the cards (and probably still isn't tbh)

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Mon 08-Aug-16 13:05:35

Sorry you had a shit birthday
flowers wine

LizzieMacQueen Mon 08-Aug-16 13:06:41

How much money do you give your mum for her birthday?

dementedpixie Mon 08-Aug-16 13:10:28

What a pointless question

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Mon 08-Aug-16 13:12:06

What the fuck has that got to do with it Lizzie?

Sorry your birthday was crap, this has happened to me before - I wouldn't ask.

TellMeSomethingNew Mon 08-Aug-16 13:13:46

Your family sounds horrible sad sorry you had a shit birthday xx

LizzieMacQueen Mon 08-Aug-16 13:14:36

Oh I just meant what's the norm in your family.

In mine my mum used to give cash, we used to give her cash then decided that was pointless and make the effort to take each other out for tea instead.

NewtoCornland Mon 08-Aug-16 13:24:24

grin lizzie it's amazing how things never look written down how they sound in your head when writing it.

My family is pretty crap, I've posted about mum before. This year I took her and my dad out for a slap up meal for her birthday.

Figgygal Mon 08-Aug-16 13:27:30

it is only Monday now so was your bday 3 days ago or 10 days ago? maybe she has been busy? I wouldn't be asking yet seems a bit keen

Benedikte2 Mon 08-Aug-16 13:35:04

Lizzie I hope your new puppy brings you all the comfort and joy your family does not.
I'd prompt your mum with an email saying I'm going shopping on such and such a day and would really love to get the stuff for puppy. It was so nice of you to think of me on my birthday

LaConnerie Mon 08-Aug-16 13:35:45

Sorry your birthday was a bit meh flowers

But it's your mum so in your situation I would just ask 'um - did you transfer the money mum? I can't see it in my account!'...

SemiNormal Mon 08-Aug-16 13:43:36

I would ask purely because of a situation where someone thought they were sending some money (child maintenance) every week or month, the resident parent wasn't getting a penny and left it ages - turns out there was one digit wrong in the details the person had and it had gone into the wrong persons account!

Your mum may well think she's given you the money when she hasn't if that was the case. Also it has just been the weekend so not much chance to put it in then (unless internet banking I guess).

2kids2dogsnosense Mon 08-Aug-16 13:48:41

Agree with LaConnerie - Just ask her. After all she volunteered the birthday money - you didn't request it.

Just say "Have you had a chance to transfer my birthday money over yet? I'm off to buy puppy stuff today ready for him/her coming"

As you say you didn't expect anything, but having offered it she should now send it. I have to admit that when it comes to birthday I occasionally forget - I don't forget which day it is (e.g., I know my grannie's is 28 February), but I never know what the current date is. I'm one of those people who lurch from one crisis to the next and can barely remember their own name most of the time. But I would never promise something and not fulfil the promise.

NewtoCornland Wed 10-Aug-16 23:01:49

Just a quick birth money. I don't think I'm going to ask, doesn't seem right.

2kids2dogsnosense Fri 12-Aug-16 16:30:16

Sorry that she hasn't come through on a promise. That's worse than not offering anything at all.

Still - you know where you stand. Have some chocolate on me.


Mari50 Fri 12-Aug-16 16:47:59

if your mum was doing a bank transfer I'd ask 'just to ensure she's not sent it to the wrong account' - a valid reason to ask and it will solve your problem.

KC225 Fri 12-Aug-16 19:40:24

Oh that's so disappointing. I was hoping the update was that she transferred a fat juicy amount into your account. Agree with the poster who said that promising and not delivering is worse than offering nothing

NewtoCornland Fri 12-Aug-16 19:50:15

I spoke to her last night after I had sent her a picture of the puppy (the breeder allowed us to go up and see him again) and she made no mention of it at all.

As said up thread, I wish she hadn't said anything as there was no expectation on my part until she said that sad

Eviecat83 Sat 27-Aug-16 23:28:00


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