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To think this was a bit Ott?

(19 Posts)
TheWorriedTalrus Mon 08-Aug-16 12:28:07

Had dstepsis (who I haven't seen for ages as we live abroad) over for food and catch-up on the weekend, she came with her 7yo dd.

Apparently dd very fussy about food, we brought some stuff in we knew she would like but not a big deal.

Dd politely refused snacks, fine. Friend however flipped out slightly and said how ashamed and embarrassed they were, dd does this everywhere they go, and started shouting at dd. She is a good mum and very loving. But this all prompted dd to burst into tears and made for quite an awkward atmosphere.

Aibu to think that she should tackle these issues in private? Especially because dd was behaving, why make a scene? I felt a bit like it was due to dss's embarrassment... She was trying to prove that she was strict and not a walkover. But it really didn't bother me and I felt it was a bit harsh to single dd out like that and punish her in front of the family...

TheWorriedTalrus Mon 08-Aug-16 12:28:52

Everyone was looking down at their plates as she threatened to send dd for a time out too.

WorraLiberty Mon 08-Aug-16 12:36:22

You're probably right.

Everyone gets to the end of their tether at one point and that was hers.

Would have been better in private, but there you go.

NeedACleverNN Mon 08-Aug-16 12:39:35

She was probably very embarassed about it and was pushed too far

Pity it was in public but it happened now. Hopefully they can move past it

If she brings it up, try and wave it off

lalalalyra Mon 08-Aug-16 12:46:15

She didn't handle it well, but it could be that she was mortified that you'd bought things specifically for her DD and then her DD refused them. Especially if she'd spoken to her DD beforehand. It's embarassing when someone goes out of their way for your child and then your child is rude (which she may see refusing to eat things you specifically bought for her as).

could be the proverbial straw. And the point proving would suggest to me that she's had a lot of judgement from people before perhaps?

kissmethere Mon 08-Aug-16 12:48:33

Ott but she lost her rag about it, it's easy to do. She was probably hoping there wouldn't be an issue and there was.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 08-Aug-16 12:49:51

It seems ott to you who's witnessed it once, it's something she deals with every day and she is probably at the end of her tether.

davos Mon 08-Aug-16 12:58:53

As the parent of 2 fussy children. Although one is now completely unfussy. Eating out of the house can be so stressful.

Even with family. Everyone loves to comment on how their kids eat loads or how fussiness is down to bad parenting. Everyone has advice 'what you need to is make them it eat it/ not make fuss/ not accept that behaviour' blah blah blah.

When Ds was 3 we stopped eating out at all. He is now five and is getting better. It's not obvious to anyone else he is fussy. Dd eats anything.

But the amount of crap we used to get was unreal and made me incredibly anxious. I can imagine the mother feels bad and knows she handled it badly but it just got to breaking point.

We all make mistakes as parents. We all do, non of us are perfect and a lot of us wish we could take things back.

I have no idea why my kids are fussy. Dh is a chef and does most of the cooking, they ate everything up until they were about 2.5 and then Refused everything. But people loved to pointing out it was our fault. And you end up being ready for some sort of crap every meal time from other people.

INeedAnEspresso Mon 08-Aug-16 13:04:14

Yes OTT, it can be very frustrating with fussy eaters especially after they have been accommodated.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 08-Aug-16 13:04:59

There are very few things that can push my buttons as a mother than food issues like this. I can imagine her mom was pretty stressed and got to the end of her tether.

Yes she should have done it in private (not that blowing your stack does any good in these situations) but she didn't.

Just give her a hig, be sympathetic and reassure her that you were fine with how her DD was and not to stress

DamaskRose Mon 08-Aug-16 13:21:06

OP I'm just glad you're ok. When I saw you'd 'had dstepsis' it sounded worrying till I read on grin

AnotherDayInParadiseLost Mon 08-Aug-16 13:39:32

I have a very fussy child and sometimes I lose it. It can be very embarrassing. You sometimes feel you've failed as a parent because your child won't eat something normal.
I am getting help for my child now, and it's clear that - apart from the times I've lost it - I've not done a bad job. But it can really get to you sometimes.
Doesn't make it right though ;).

I saw 'sepsis' too!

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 08-Aug-16 13:43:08

She could have spent lots of time preparing her DD with the child enthusiastically agreeing that everything sounded wonderful. Perhaps she thought she could relax knowing things were covered and this was a new aspect of behaviour not previously encountered that blindsided her and she reacted out of frustration.
Make her a cuppa and ask if she's OK or needs a chat. Food issues are in the top 5 of parental banes along with non sleeping children and the embarrassment of having them brought home in a police car grin

Katastrophe13 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:46:07

Me and my DC recently had a play date with my friend and her DC and my ds refused to eat his sandwiches but still wanted the rest of his lunch. I lost it with him a bit because his range of food is so limited and these particular sandwiches are something I finally got him to eat after years of trying and then he said he didn't like them anymore. It's very frustrating having a child like this, you constantly feel like a massive failure and a lot of the frustration comes through fear that your child is growing up unhealthy due to their fussy eating. I could be massively projecting, but I understand your friends inability to control herself in front of you if she has to put up with these sorts of situations all the time. anotherday could you tell me what type of help/how you got this help for your child? I keep trying to speak to health visitors but never get anywhere. Thank you.

LotsOfShoes Mon 08-Aug-16 19:11:52

OP, I have a similar story. I still remember my graduation dinner with my family. Uncles,aunts, grandparents, all around the table, including my aunt with her 1.5 yr old. The little one started crying because she wanted her sister's plate and my aunt lost it and told her to sit there and cry as much as she wanted...Imagine 20 adults, around a celebration dinner, looking awkwardly at their plates for about 5 minutes while a toddler is screaming bloody murder as loud as she could. Aunt sitting there all self-righteous (her DH was useless). In the end, my dad said something about it and my aunt wouldn't speak to the rest of family for a whole day....and told my dad he was a jerk. To this day, my aunt insists on disciplining her children anywhere/anytime which has led to some very awkward times along the years.

TheWorriedTalrus Mon 08-Aug-16 19:16:06

I actually find that really selfish parenting, LotsOf! hmm it's taking the attention from your special meal just because your aunt can't be arsed to make an effort/quieten her DC down. If she was frustrated, she should bring it up with her child another time - not in company and certainly not then!!

grannytomine Mon 08-Aug-16 19:26:26

I think I need a rest, I read you had dstepsis and wondered if it was a disease.

TheWorriedTalrus Mon 08-Aug-16 19:28:26

Sorry, that was a pretty stupid abbreviation grin

DamaskRose Mon 08-Aug-16 20:19:17

LotsOf that's awful of your aunt on such a special day. Sounds like she escalated her toddler deliberately, perhaps it was the only socially acceptable way she could draw attention away from your event. Can't stand adults using 'parenting' this way.

WorriedTalrus's incident, although it made people feel awkward just wasn't coming from that motivation. You can tell the difference.

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