Sorry this is so long , I'll be grateful for any advice ,even if I am being unreasonable! Bit of background info,I've never ever been close to my mum and I moved out of her house at 14(so did my younger sister but that's another story!).She refused to let me see my siblings once I'd moved out and I took her to court but she repeatedly didn't turn up so I gave up.
She made contact when I had my first girl at 17 and since then has actually been quite helpful. She's a better Nanna than a mum.For the last year she has had my girls (7&5)twice a week because they go to a school in her hometown and it helps me out a lot,but the last few months she's made excuses again and again not to bring dd1 home and it got to the point dd1 was staying for 4 nights a week.She'd never tell me if any of the girls got party invites or anything until the day of the party and then she'd tell the kids that I'd not taken them to friends parties AGAIN.She is really friendly with all the school staff because me and my siblings all went there and she is always calling them by their first names and acting confused as to why I don't know who she's on about,she contacts them on Facebook too to try and prove me wrong about stuff like school holiday dates and such. She never admits she's wrong.
Anyway the problem is she has never had Ds1 on her own and anytime I ask her to babysit/see him she always says no because 'he hates me' and that he's too young but she happily takes my cousin (her niece) out regularly who is the same age (2)and I keep saying that he'll never get used to her if she doesn't make an effort with him. She's always taking the girls on days out and he's starting to realize he's being left out.Last week she took the girls and my cousin (her niece) to the circus,when I realized my cousin would be there too I asked whether she was taking ds1 and she got huffy and hung up. I text her saying that is the very last time the girls get a treat from her unless ds is also involved . So she said fine she'd take him to the soft play this week. Then today she's decided that on Thursday she wants to take the girls to a climbing wall and ds to a soft play (all in same place) BUT that I have to go with them to watch ds in the soft play whilst she goes with the girls. I said I can't because I'm actually meeting a friend but that I'd ask their dad to go and she's proper kicked off saying 'it's not good enough 'she's not going with him and if I don't go then she's cancelling and I have to give her the deposit money she's paid 🙄
I'm really upset he is such a loving little boy and I don't know why she wouldn't want to spend time with him ! So now I've backed down and said I'll go and watch ds at the soft play even though the whole point was for the kids to be treat equally ... My question is would I be unreasonable to try and limit the amount of time we all spend with her ? I always feel undermined and it's obvious that she is only in contact with me to see the children,for example she's had bbqs and invited the girls and all my siblings but told me and my husband that the invite into her home only extends to the kids.The girls are always telling me I'm wrong about things and that I'm a liar because Nanna said something differently. I really do appreciate the help she has given me in the past year but if she isn't willing to make an effort with my youngest then I don't really want her help anymore . AIBU?
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AIBU?
Aibu about limiting time with grandmother?
51 replies
UpsyDaisy23 · 07/08/2016 21:29
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Coconutty ·
08/08/2016 08:41
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