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To talk to dp about his drinking as we are ttc?

(14 Posts)
Whatamuddleduck Sat 06-Aug-16 23:03:40

DP and I started TTC just over 2 years ago. It started well but after 2 early miscarriages, then my mum passing away and his DF having cancer we gradually stopped actively trying. We recently had a big argument about restarting TTC. We agreed that we would start again. However, DPs drinking has gone from regular to a lot daily (4 cider, 5 beers and possibly some wine today). We very rarely dtd and I'm worried both about his health and whether we will actually manage to dtd often enough. I know he will react to any more discussion by saying I'm controlling or pressuring him. AIBU if I tackle him about it tomorrow ? We are both mid 30's and I feel like time isn't on our side. I desperately want to have children and am finding his lack of really trying quite hard.

MsVestibule Sat 06-Aug-16 23:19:15

YADNBU to want to address this issue pretty quickly. Unless at a party/big night out, that's a lot to drink in a day.

The big question is though, does he really want to have a baby? His actions really are speaking louder than his words 😕. How legally/financially tied are you to each other?

OreosAreTasty Sat 06-Aug-16 23:19:58

Ok let's take ttc out of the equation (by the way you are not being U)
The amount he's drinking is unhealthy. Especially if it's daily (!) tackle that first.
Binge drinking is a complete no no.

Amelie10 Sat 06-Aug-16 23:35:18

I desperately want to have children and am finding his lack of really trying quite hard.

Sorry but this is not the right situation to bring a child into. He doesn't seem to want to have one and you desperately do.

Badbadtromance Sun 07-Aug-16 01:29:59

Why tie yourself to an alcoholic

Ellioru Sun 07-Aug-16 01:46:53

He clearly has a drinking issue, this needs to be solved before TTC is an option.

CoolioAndTheGang Sun 07-Aug-16 01:55:03

Is this a wind up? hmm

IHateDoors Sun 07-Aug-16 02:06:19

You're having a laugh, right?

You want to make baybeez with this clown? Why?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 07-Aug-16 02:11:00

Anyone who drinks that much daily has s drinking problem. If he can't quit to TTC then he probably won't quit to take care of a child. You want your child raised by an alcoholic? Ultimatum time, unless you're prepared to give up on having kids altogether.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 07-Aug-16 02:33:47

You cannot purposely bring a child into this marriage! shock You must let it go until he gets help, that's what's important right now.

Please don't have a child with this man until he deals with his alcohol problem. Having a drunk for a parent often leaves permanent scars.

LilacInn Sun 07-Aug-16 02:54:55

Why on earth would you saddle a human being with this tosser as its father??!!! For gods sake. Exert yourself and do better by your future offspring.

ForalltheSaints Sun 07-Aug-16 07:25:02

One of my uncles was drinking at about that level in his early 30s. Died aged 66 and it was not a shock, as he was an alcoholic. Whether your DP is or not, he has an alcohol problem that needs help and dealing with.

Whatamuddleduck Sun 07-Aug-16 08:10:17

Thank you. I needed a reality check and I got one. You are all right. We both had an alcoholic parent so no excuses, we both know what this is. He never appears drunk, is never ever aggressive but no I wouldn't leave him with any child. Ultimatum time- the drinking stops or we do. I love him to bits but I want a family and I don't want a drunk in it. Off to the shed for another cry and then conversation. Just need to repeat that I am not unreasonable.

CoolioAndTheGang Tue 09-Aug-16 11:18:37

I'm glad you have seen sense. I hope you follow through for everyone's sake.

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