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To feel bad as a mum

(14 Posts)
gracieben6 Sat 06-Aug-16 18:21:45

Recently went shopping for new summer swimsuit with dd (14) before our holiday and whilst we were at the store trying on one piece swimsuits dd got tearful and embarrassed when telling me that she wanted a bikini because all her friends have them. I would never have said she couldn't have a bikini (so long as it was age appropriate) and it made me feel like she feels like she can't tell/ask me things. I sat down with her after and asked if there was any thing else she was scared to ask me. She said she wanted to try makeup but had been too afraid to tell me. We went to the store and got some mascara and stuff for her. AIBU to feel bad as a mum that she feels like she can't ask me things or am I over reacting?

dangermouseisace Sat 06-Aug-16 18:39:52

I'd say probably over reacting…it could just be DD's personality that she is shy about asking for things. Sometimes the fear of the possible outcome can put people off asking, even if the fear is completely unfounded. It sounds like you've handled the situation brilliantly so DD now has actual lived experience that it's ok to ask you for things! Maybe other people's mums weren't as ok about bikini's etc? I remember at school (girls school) other people's mums not agreeing that they could shave their legs, or if so not above the knee, wear a bra etc etc whereas my mum was practically forcing these things upon me!

WorraLiberty Sat 06-Aug-16 18:43:39

Not over reacting at all.

I would have felt bad too.

gracieben6 Sat 06-Aug-16 19:52:57

Ok thanks everyone smile . DD isn't that shy and I think maybe she thought I was say no so was embarrassed about asking blush

Missgraeme Sat 06-Aug-16 19:57:21

I remember telling my mother I wanted a bra. Then saying I felt better for getting it off my chest!! In the future she won't be scared to be more open with u. .

StealthPolarBear Sat 06-Aug-16 20:06:53

It can be a personality thing. My mum was open and liberal and yetvu was intensely private. She still doesn't know she's a grandma to two as that would mean admitting I had sex.
ok that's a slight exaggeration grin
The other day I mentioned I wasn't going into work early as I had a doctor's appointment. Being my mum, she wanted to know why and I was embarrassed to admit I had a smear test!! I'm almost 40, I work in public health and I can't tell my mum I'm going for a smear test.
its not about her, it's about me.

Heidi42 Sat 06-Aug-16 20:09:53

I wouldn't worry op my dd1 who is 22 accused me yesterday of not telling her about the luteal phase of her menstrual cycle when she was younger . I mean wtf? Seems we are doomed from the start chin up it gets worse lol

siapo Sat 06-Aug-16 20:20:05

I just had to google that Heidi, my mum didn't tell me either.

My mum didn't tell me either Heidi from my quick google search it seems quite interesting.

Gracie did you ask why she felt like she couldn't ask you?

DropYourSword Sat 06-Aug-16 20:45:21

It's awkward and difficult being a teenager. You should take comfort from the fact that she actually did feel able to tell you!

KC225 Sat 06-Aug-16 22:12:12

I would have felt upset but I don't think you should feel like a bad mum. Far from it. You handled it well.

It sounds as if your daughter got a little overwhelmed by wanting to experience more grown up things and built it up in her head so it all came tumbling out. She knows now she can come to you and you are there for her.

PrincessHairyMclary Sun 07-Aug-16 08:46:46

I wouldn't have asked either, nothing to do with my parents but it's about me. The same as I would rather the ground open and up and swallow me then watch a raunchy scene in a movie with them or talk about relationships or kiss infront of them, or swear in front of them. I HATED telling mum Id run out of sanitary towels etc.
My brother who is much shyer and reserved than me would have no issue with those things.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Sun 07-Aug-16 08:52:52

I remember having this conversation with DM so clearly! It went more or less the same way as yours. Don't worry OP, there are some things that wouldn't cross our minds as something to "discuss".

Teenage girls are hard because they all "grow up" at such different ages; you wouldn't want to start talking make-up and bikinis with a 13YO who's still into Nickelodeon and toys, but you don't want to talk Nickelodeon and toys with a 13YO who wants to talk make-up and bikinis. How are we supposed to know when they'll be ready for what if they don't tell us?

madmother1 Sun 07-Aug-16 08:54:09

Now you've cleared the air, she'll be happy to ask things in the future. I'm very open with my DC as we're my parents.

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