Present for one cousin and not the other?

(4 Posts)
Smurfnoff Sat 06-Aug-16 18:06:34

When I was young I was very close to my cousins, even though they're quite a lot older than me. We're still close, but distance and busy lives mean we don't see as much of each other as we'd like.

A few years ago, one cousin and I were both in the shit financially. We agreed that it was ridiculous for me to be buying four birthday and Christmas presents each year (her, her husband, two kids). We agreed I'd buy just for the children and she'd buy me something from then.

This year, as the kids are now older, she's suggested we stop altogether. I'm fine with that; however, it's her daughter's 21st soon, and they're having a big party. Not getting a present would feel weird - I've watched her grow up and this is essentially my last chance to get her something nice before she gets married (assuming she does).

The thing I'm wondering is, will her younger brother feel left out? His birthday was a few weeks ago and, as per our arrangement, I didn't get him a present. He's 15, so well old enough to understand 'special birthdays', but as it's the first time I haven't got anything, would it be a bit mean?

I could get him a token gift, but will my cousin then feel obliged to get me something and be thinking 'bloody hell, it's starting all over again?'

monkeywithacowface Sat 06-Aug-16 18:10:06

Just explain to her and say "Look I know we aren't doing gifts anymore but I would like to buy for a 21st as it's a special birthday but don't want you to start buying for me in return. I would like to do the same when your son has his 18th and 21st too. Other than that let's stick to the no presents arrangement"

It's no big deal just needs a conversation.

monkeywithacowface Sat 06-Aug-16 18:10:54

As he's 15 he's more than old enough to understand so I don't think you need to worry about him feeling left out this time.

Smurfit Sat 06-Aug-16 23:37:17

It's fine to only buy for big birthdays. Don't stress too much about it, the unfairness would come in if you forgot the younger siblings without a good reason.

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