Advanced search

AIBU over my newborn's name?

(23 Posts)
SweetToof Sat 06-Aug-16 18:03:02

I feel a bit moody and hormonal so I'm fully prepared to be told I am being unreasonable.

I went with my DP to register our DS yesterday. He pushed to name him himself, in order to follow a family tradition where the men have the same middle names as their sons. He also chose his first name, which I okay-ed as it went well with the others.

The issue is, my DP has a son from a previous relationship. I wanted to give our son an entirely unique name, and disregard the family 'tradition', but my DP argued that having the same middle and surname would link the brothers with each other, and then with him, so I gave in.

Yesterday however, he revealed accidentally that his first DS was given his (DP's) full name as a middle name, as well as another name (which I didn't know), and our son, only has one of his names as a middle name. So much for family tradition, the 2 DC don't actually have the same middle names at all, and now I'm annoyed!

All the names I had wanted, he hated and now I feel like I've been conned into calling my son something which I hate. I haven't spoken to him for an entire day, and honestly I think I will feel bitter unless I am able to alter the birth registration myself.


CotswoldStrife Sat 06-Aug-16 18:08:41

Your post is not very clear - so your son shares one middle name and his surname with your DP's older son?

Lovemylittlebears Sat 06-Aug-16 18:14:04

Have what you want x

OreosAreTasty Sat 06-Aug-16 18:14:24

How do you not know your stepsons name?

Ellioru Sat 06-Aug-16 18:14:36

Your DP sounds quite manipulative for lying to get something he wants.

I would be annoyed regardless, surely this is something you would discuss before registering him and come to an agreement? Its your son too so you should have a say in his name(s)!

redcaryellowcar Sat 06-Aug-16 18:15:20

In short Yanbu, you should absolutely have a say in what your son is called. I'm not sure how you would go about changing it, but if I were you I'd be calling the registration office on Monday morning to find out!

CotswoldStrife Sat 06-Aug-16 18:17:15

In the absence of any clarification about the name(s), I'd leave it a bit before you take any drastic action. You wanted your DS to have a different name to make it more unique and he does have something different.

LauderSyme Sat 06-Aug-16 18:23:50

YANBU. A child's name and one's feelings about it are important matters.
If your DP lied to you to get you to agree then you were conned and it is fair enough that you feel bitter about it.
It's a bit worrying, though, that you allowed yourself to agree to a name that you "hate" and that your DP forced his choice on you despite knowing of your reservations.
What will you do if he tries to do this with all sorts of other parental decisions?
I don't think it's that easy to change a birth certificate, especially without the other parent's consent.

nonameqt Sat 06-Aug-16 18:25:01

If it's any consolation, my husband at the time ( now thankfully, an ex..) registered our sons name without consulting me..we had argued about our sons name for several weeks beforehand and in the end he took it upon himself to go to the registry office without me. Consequently DS has a name which I absolutely loathe and hate but I vowed I would never call him by that name. I gave him a 'nickname' that I preferred and that he responded to. Sadly due to circumstances, DS has the appalling name on his passport. As his father and I have long been divorced and the ex doesn't even live in this country any more, DS and I chose a name that he and I would be happy with at school.

bluebeck Sat 06-Aug-16 18:27:14

I don't understand - you say you liked your DS name and then by the end of the post you say you hate it?

Do you mean you hate his first name? Or the middle name? If it's just the middle name I wouldn't worry about it. Most people rarely use middle names.

I would be more concerned about how manipulative and bullying your DP sounds.

flumpybear Sat 06-Aug-16 18:27:38

If he's so adamant on the middle name the your choice for first nane!!
Don't let him manipulate you!!

gamerchick Sat 06-Aug-16 18:27:48

You won't be able to alter the information in your case. Deed poll?

CurlyBlueberry Sat 06-Aug-16 18:30:08

I'm pretty sure it's quite simple to change a newborn's name. When we registered our children we were told we had 12 months in case we changed our minds.

scarednoob Sat 06-Aug-16 18:30:10

I think you can change the name if it's within 12 months of registration, maybe call your local registry office to ask how?

Tartsamazeballs Sat 06-Aug-16 18:31:25

So your other half is called John Smith.

You thought his older son was called David John Smith.

You named your son George John Smith for traditions sake even though you didn't like the name John.

Then you find out the other boy was named David Eric Oslo Smith, and that your partner lied to get his name as the middle name.

YANBU to be annoyed. Your partner should be renamed Dickhead Smith for the time being.

Bogeyface Sat 06-Aug-16 18:31:42

I think that she may be able to change the forename actually.....

Coconutty Sat 06-Aug-16 18:35:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick Sat 06-Aug-16 18:37:23

Fingers crossed then. Change it to what you wanted in the first place.

Missgraeme Sat 06-Aug-16 18:43:52

U have a year to change this first name in the UK. Changing dh is always an option in the future too.

lalalalyra Sat 06-Aug-16 18:50:14

So your DP let you think that he was Peter John Smith, his father was David John Smith and your step-son was William John Smith so you've allowed your DS to be Oliver John Smith to follow the tradition, but actually your SS is William Peter John Michael Smith meaning that you could have had some input into your DS's name without ruining his precious tradition?

I'd add a middle name of your choosing to his name. Then I'd be seriously considering what else he'd be prepared to lie about to get his own way because that is pretty controlling.

GabsAlot Sat 06-Aug-16 20:45:06

hes a dickhead

who lies about something like that-what else coudl he be lying about

Boiing Sat 06-Aug-16 21:49:06

Sounds like you let yourself get bullied, at a time when you were very vulnerable. I couldn't face arguments when I had a newborn. Tell him you feel lied to and that you are changing the name. Then change it. Also keep an eye on the rest of your relationship, it worries me that you start off saying you're hormonal when he's so obviously in the wrong. Sounds like you're used to having your feelings undermined.

HarryPottersMagicWand Sat 06-Aug-16 21:53:40

You are the mum, you have a say in what your child is named. Why didn't you go to the registry office with him?

Yes you can change the name within 12 months. I suggest you do it as it will eat away at you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now