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To think my parents may have stolen my savings

(185 Posts)
notagainnellie Sat 06-Aug-16 07:51:20

I'm really not sure about this and would love to hear others' opinions.

My parents recently told me there was an account/bond thing in my name that I had known nothing about (I'm in my thirties) and that they were going to cash it in. They needed documents from me as it was all in my name. Also, my godparents had to sign something as well, though I don't see them (neither do my parents - no big reason, just drifted over the years) so I haven't discussed it with them.

The cash was for a significant but not life-changing amount and was issued to me in a cheque. My dm then said that we would be sharing it three ways between me, her and df - they are still together. She asked if I thought that it was fair, so I just said yes confused and transferred the money to them accordingly. The more I think about it, this was an account or whatever set up for me on my birth (hence the involvement of my god-parents) and my parents have now taken two thirds of it. It's also odd that I was never told about it imo - as if they had decided years ago that I wasn't to have it...

Fwiw, I know little of their financial circumstances, but df was made redundant about 15 years ago from a professional job and has never attempted to work since, despite being 50ish. Dm took early retirement not long after that. They got a lot of money when his mother died a few years later and moved to a bigger house at that time. They spend a lot on his smoking drinking habits and go abroad quite a bit.

What they spend their money on is nothing to do with me, I know that, but I am going through a divorce which will cost me as I was the only earner. I am comfortable, but have to worry about money quite a bit and still don't know the outcome of the divorce. This money was great, but a bit more of it would have been even better!

I just can't shake this feeling that they have taken what is mine and I don't know how to feel about it.

MephistoMarley Sat 06-Aug-16 07:54:19

It's very odd but you agreed to it! Why didn't you ask them why they thought it should be shared with them?

ThoraGruntwhistle Sat 06-Aug-16 07:55:14

I don't think it's stealing if they asked you if you though they had split it fairly and then you signed it over to them. I don't think it was fair of them to take money intended for you. However you did agree to it, although it sounds like you didn't really know what you were agreeing to.
I wonder if they had always assumed you would share it with them or if they desperately needed the money at that time?

DesignedForLife Sat 06-Aug-16 07:57:57

Yeah, that sounds weird to me, but I doubt there will be much you can do seeing as you sent the money to them. Does sound like they wanted a payout of money set aside for you.

My mum had a savings account for me that she never told me about until I was 30 and buying a house. I totally get her logic. She didn't ask for any of it, some had come from grandparents etc.

OnionKnight Sat 06-Aug-16 08:00:00

You agreed to it so how is it stealing?

It sounds shitty but why didn't you say no?

notagainnellie Sat 06-Aug-16 08:00:17

Yes, sorry - they obviously haven't stolen it as I gave it to them, but they haven't been straight up about it, I think. I am at fault for not asking any questions, but that is me all over. I just found it awkward I suppose. I know I can't do anything about it, and I don't want to.

Creampastry Sat 06-Aug-16 08:00:18

You agreed to it! That isn't stealing? You got the money, handed 2/3 to them ..., it's a gift. From you to them.

Pearlman Sat 06-Aug-16 08:02:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Sat 06-Aug-16 08:03:34

Well what they've done isn't nice. Yes, you agreed to it but I can't imagine any circumstances where I would do the same to dd.

Are you wanting to confront them/tell them that you don't think it was fair of them to put you in this position?

redhat Sat 06-Aug-16 08:05:51

Did they put it there in the first place?

It is entirely possible that they set up an account with restricted access with the intention of giving it to you and then realised that they couldn't afford it later on down the line.

We've certainly got that scenario. We have two accounts containing thousands of pounds which on the face of it are intended to be given to the DSs when they are older. We have put all of the money into them. However if the SHTF we would need to use the money for ourselves. Its our money and therefore it isn't stealing at all.

Paintedhandprints Sat 06-Aug-16 08:07:22

Uh. This is very odd. A bit late now you have agreed. Can you ask them?

carabos Sat 06-Aug-16 08:08:54

You've got a couple of options, one of which is do nothing.
You could ask for more information - I wouldn't have got into any part of that transaction without having the whole story. At minimum You need to know where the money came from in the first place and why your parents thought they should have any of it. Based on the answers to those questions, you can decide whether to ask for it back, if it is clear that it was always intended for you alone. Do you have any siblings?

GirlWithTheLionHeart Sat 06-Aug-16 08:09:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

elodie2000 Sat 06-Aug-16 08:10:44

Who put the money into the account? Was it a gift to you from another relative or was it given to you in a will?
TBH it sounds as if they have withheld information and have treated the money they have held in your name as partly theirs.
It's painful to feel like you have been conned by your own parents, families should be honest and generous to each other but sadly this isn't always the case.

DeadGood Sat 06-Aug-16 08:11:15

They were wrong in asking you to share it. Also a shame that your godparents didn't question the withdrawal with you, as presumably that safeguard was set up to prevent this sort of thing happening.

TheRealAdaLovelace Sat 06-Aug-16 08:12:15

It sounds a bit shitty but you sent them the money.....I know it is really hard to say no to family.

Rubies12345 Sat 06-Aug-16 08:13:30

Did the godparents put this away for you? I would try to find out.

Some people are still intimidated by their parents. I'm in my 30s and I am

elizadolittlechoc Sat 06-Aug-16 08:14:47

Sounds like a children's bond. If nothing else, they've used your name to secure tax free savings. Isn't that fraud?

CharlieSierra Sat 06-Aug-16 08:21:01

If it was theirs to begin with they can decide to do what they like with it. They brought you up, you're not entitled to expect them to give you money as well. If the money came from elsewhere then maybe YANBU, but we don't know the details.

The comment about baby boomers is offensive, why is ageism acceptable
on MN?

Chikara Sat 06-Aug-16 08:21:39

I have done similar. My DF put money into accounts for the DC. Fifteen years down the line and I have cashed in everything I have, all my savings, everything as times were hard. I cashed kids' money in to keep us in our nice house and to help pay for things for them.

I made the choice. What is better for them? NOT to have leave nice area, nice schools, their home or to go through all that and have money later.

If I can I will pay it back when they leave home and I no longer need a family house. Not ideal but DF wanted it for them to benefit from his saving - and they have.

Not your situation of course but "child's" money not always clear - cut. I can only suggest you talk to them.

MissMargie Sat 06-Aug-16 08:21:52

Do you know the full amount you might have not even got your third, might have been less

trafalgargal Sat 06-Aug-16 08:22:04

I don't think the godparents had any responsibility to protect a thirty year old from themselves in a financial transaction unless there are learning difficulties involved. The OP is an adult and should have asked questions before giving parents a gift of money not after. Regardless of who they were gifting this money to. I'd have asked questions are there may very well be tax implications in cashing this mysterious investment in and the OP will be liable even if she has given some of the money away.

Rubies12345 Sat 06-Aug-16 08:24:34

If it was theirs to begin with they can decide to do what they like with it.

If it was their money why would they need the OP's signature and the GPs signature? Why would it be issued to the OP

trafalgargal Sat 06-Aug-16 08:27:03

If the money was put into your name as a tax dodge by your parents (or was an inheritance held in trust for you) then that money was legally wholly yours. There's a lot of this goes on, parents claiming money is theirs when in reality they have no legal right to it . It is incredibly dishonest.

BlossomHillOne Sat 06-Aug-16 08:27:26

The only way to find out is to ask. Be prepared though that the answer may change your relationship with your parents - it does sound as though you may have inadvertantly handed over a sum of money which is rightfully yours.

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