Woke up this morning fairly early, and must have taken my husband my surprise when I turned around because he was already awake and looking at his phone - he immediately pulled his phone to his chest and looked at me wide eyed like a rabbit in the headlights. I said said something about him looking very guilty and asked him what he was doing and he said 'it's just porn! I'm just looking at a bit of porn' so I said 'OK show me then' and he immediately sat up with his back to me and his phone in his hand said 'I can't now I've just deleted it' and chucked his phone on the bed!!!?? A huge row ensued and I got very upset. I don't really care if he looks at porn - I look at it, and we occasionally watch it together. To explain - I am in the early weeks of pregnancy and we're not having sex until 12 weeks due to a history of miscarriages. If he WAS looking at porn I am a bit hurt he chose to do it laying next to me but wouldn't be that bothered - but to be honest I don't think he was... From the glimpse I got of it, it didn't look like porn - particularly the specific site he said he was looking at, which has a black background - this was white with words and a photo I think.
The fact he immediately deleted whatever it was is what has upset me most. If it was porn why not just show me??
I'm torturing myself here with all sorts of thoughts of what it could have been. I'm so upset - we've only been married a short time and tried for this baby after previous miscarriages. I've stopped exercising (due to previous miscarriages again) when I'm usually a bit of a gym bunny and I feel absolutely rubbish about myself lately. I asked what the porn was and he said it was 'just a young blonde girl' funnily enough this did not make me feel better lol.
I'm just so upset - I really thought we were in a good place since getting married but he has lied in the past about things (strippers at the stag do) and in our early relationship he met a female friend and lied (for weeks) about it before finally admitting he'd seen her... Now I feel like I don't trust him again and I thought we were over all this :(
Been sobbing my heart out all morning and also worried I've done the baby some damage. Why did he have to do this to me now???? :((
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AIBU?
AIBU to wonder what the hell he was up to?? Very upset
41 replies
stephi81 · 06/08/2016 07:26
OP posts:
Pearlman ·
06/08/2016 07:42
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