what does 'we should meet up some time' really mean?!?!

(18 Posts)
Matah45 Sat 06-Aug-16 04:54:33

I've been living in the Uk for a long time but not orig from here..It puzzles me when people say to me 'we should really meet up some time' but never really action it.. What is the point of saying such thing then??!! In my country, if you don't fancy meeting up with someone then you don't even suggest it in the first place?! I used to fall for it and then feeling really upset when nothing happened. Or sometimes they would meet up with me once or twice and then disappear. Now, I just take the conclusion that people don't like me so became my own best friend. I find it pretty sad though how years ago I used to be a very social person and now I'm all by myself (apart from my kids and hubby who, although being english, also struggles to find himself any friends since we moved away from his birth county..?!?!). And i think we are funny and welcoming people..
I wish people were just honest with what they say and if they don't mean something then should not word it..

OlennasWimple Sat 06-Aug-16 05:04:44

It's a polite way of saying I'm not bothered if I see you again or not

Euphemia Sat 06-Aug-16 05:14:37

See, I don't take it that way!

If I'm not sure if someone's keen on or available for socialising (not talking dating here - I'm happily married!), I say "We should meet up some time", which gives them an out if (a) they don't like me or (b) their life is so busy they're not looking to take on any new social engagements.

The answer I'm hoping for is " How about coffee on Saturday morning?" smile

Shit, I'm so British! grin

nuttymango Sat 06-Aug-16 05:18:39

or c) they think that you don't really want to meet up with them.

I never arrange anything when somebody says that because they are probably just being polite and don't really want to meet up with you but feel obliged to say it.

NervousRider Sat 06-Aug-16 05:22:10

Some people mean it some don't.

I got fed up chasing people for date's to meet so now if anyone says that to me I reply that I'd love to and to send me some dates they are free.

Some do, most don't

Amelie10 Sat 06-Aug-16 05:23:17

Have you followed up and arranged anything with people who have said that to you. I think it's just a non committal way of saying maybe we will get together or not.

myownprivateidaho Sat 06-Aug-16 05:25:59

Don't get hung up on this one phrase English people are quite reserved so the initial breaking the ice can be hard. But clearly some English people manage to have friends. If you like someone, ask them to hang out.

mrsnec Sat 06-Aug-16 05:53:35

I have had people say it to me and then it's been a nightmare to arrange anything so I realise they didn't mean it I don't know why they'd say it in the first place.

I don't say it unless I mean it and I just think it's becoming increasingly more difficult to make friends these days.

Alconleigh Sat 06-Aug-16 08:31:23

I think it means can't really be arsed to sort anything particular out, but leaving the door open in case I change my mind, or if you sort something that sounds good.

mrsfuzzy Sat 06-Aug-16 08:38:23

i moved to a totally different location from where i grew up and after the first day or two went to the local shop, staff were very friendly which was great but i was rather confused when one said "see you later" as i was leaving, bolted home and was worried to open the front door again for a couple of days in case they were standing there ! my excuse is that i'd just had dc2 and was still very hormonal grin - they never did turn up either - then i realised it was a turn of phase felt really daft.blush

VanillaSugar Sat 06-Aug-16 08:40:04

What Alconleigh said. Nail on head. I have to go out now but I'll be back later to comment on this again (truthfully I do, this isn't a "See you around' comment!)

eddielizzard Sat 06-Aug-16 08:42:08

i never say this, and when someone says it to me i take it to mean 'i wouldn't be averse to seeing you again but i can't really be arsed to organise anything'. in which case i will never organise something with that person because i'm too busy to waste time on half-arseds.

Kallyno Sat 06-Aug-16 08:43:13

It has several meanings, including
(A) I'm not that in to you
(B) I'm not sure if you are in to me so if I offer this vague and casual opener to meeting up I can save face if you don't want to
(C) I would kind of like to meet up with you but right now I can't think when I will be free but want to end this conversation with the possibility of seeing you again.

You can work out which if these it is quite easily by saying something like, "hey, that would be great. Are you free on X or X morning this week for coffee/ whatever?" to flush out the Bs. If you get the brush off then it means it was A or C, which you can flush out by offering your phone number and seeing if they ever follow through.

Smidge001 Sat 06-Aug-16 08:44:35

I'm with Euphemia on this one. I would say it hoping that the other person would sound enthusiastic in response and suggest a specific date! I am too wussy to ask them for a specific catch up myself, so would say that phrase in the hope it would give the other person the courage to come back and ask me.

Clearly we're both too British Euphemia!

museumum Sat 06-Aug-16 08:50:23

It's often said by people who are friendly and sociable but between work, kids, the kids social lives, parents, a voluntary role or two and a couple of bffs they don't see as much as they'd like, realistically, despite their optimism, they're not going to find time for you.

It's also sometimes said by people who really don't mean it but somehow think it might be expected.

It is confusing. But mostly it's not badly meant.

lougle Sat 06-Aug-16 09:05:45

I think it's a half way point. The person is extending the hand if friendship but not being pushy. It's up to you to either say 'I'd really like that! Why don't i give you my number?' Or 'That would be lovely. My diary is a bit crazy for the next week or two, but after that I'm free most evenings, let me know what suits you'... or to politely give a neutral comment that indicates that you're not interested in meeting up.

SpiritedLondon Sat 06-Aug-16 09:15:27

Oh I feel sorry for you OP. I don't have millions of friends although I would say I was a friendly person. When I lived in the US it did seem to be an easier process to move from meeting someone to being friends but that may have been that I was younger without commitments and generally with more free time. In the UK I'm busy with work and family etc and I don't get to see people as much as I would like. In my case I would use that phrase because I feel a bit bad about not seeing someone but off the top of the head can't think when I'm free to meet them. I am then sometimes a bit crap about sending dates but it's not a deliberate brush off. I do also use that kind of phrase with new people that I meet to indicate a willingness to be friends and then see how they respond. Its painful I agree. The next time someone says that I would offer a specific suggestion and see how it goes. If they don't respond mentally delete them from your list of possibles and move on. ( some people are very reserved OP... It took me 18 months before I made friends with any mothers at my daughters pre school)

SilverDragonfly1 Sat 06-Aug-16 09:36:43

It means 'It would be pleasant to see you again at some point that occurs naturally (party, chance meeting in Costa etc), but not as a specific arrangement.'

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