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To think this is massively entitled?

(36 Posts)
Herzie29 Thu 04-Aug-16 21:55:03

A friend of a friends is expecting her first DC in a few months time and has sent round details of a JohnLewis gift list. Apparently it includes items costing several hundred pounds... Which she is expecting all of her friends to contribute to... Is this now a 'thing'?

In my experience I have never come across anything like it! If nothing else is it not bad luck to give gifts before a baby arrives safely? In my circle friends tend to give small presents like a cute outfit or a small teddy once the baby arrives. I know people whose families have helped them out. grandparents buying the travel system etc but surely this is different to a 150 quid changing bag?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 04-Aug-16 21:56:19

Maybe she has tons of friends who would all give a tenner in gift vouchers towards something. I know loads of people who
do this.

FeckinCrutches Thu 04-Aug-16 21:56:56

Don't buy anything from the list. Buy a cute outfit/teddy. Then give it no more thought.

FeckinCrutches Thu 04-Aug-16 21:58:03

Does she really expect it by the way? How do you know? Maybe she just put it out there as an idea for her friends to club together.

echelon Thu 04-Aug-16 21:58:39

Are you sure she is "expecting" everyone to contribute to it?
If so then yes she is acting unreasonably and entitled.

I wouldn't be spending hundreds of pounds on a gift for a baby shower, or whatever it is. My friends would be of the same mind and think a teddy or a little inexpensive outfit is perfectly acceptable.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 04-Aug-16 22:00:03

If nothing else is it not bad luck to give gifts before a baby arrives safely?

No it isn't bad luck. Awful things don't happen because people buy gifts before the baby's arrival confused

Glamourgates Thu 04-Aug-16 22:00:11

I know two people who did this and they were both American, so maybe it's come over?

Herzie29 Thu 04-Aug-16 22:03:54

It's my friend who has been asked and as she is child free she asked me if I thought it was normal... Apparently her friend called up to ask what she would be getting!

mummymummums Thu 04-Aug-16 22:04:11

Maybe the wish list is for close relatives too, who might spend more? Are there not little items in it?

Helloitsme88 Thu 04-Aug-16 22:09:08

Oh yeah because not giving a gift guarantees the baby will arrive safely hmm

Unicorntrainer Thu 04-Aug-16 22:17:42

Greedy cow! There are women who would sell their soul to be in her position ignore, she obviously feels that she is so 'special'. Of course new mums are special, but this is a wedding list! Offer to make a donation to charity, then she can feel good about herself

emsyj Thu 04-Aug-16 22:22:57

When a friend of mine had her first baby we all clubbed together to buy her a fancy changing bag that she really wanted. I woukd rather put money towards a gift that is wanted and will be used than waste it on a teddy that will gather dust or get sent to the charity shop. This wouldnt bother me and would have no impact on how much money I chose to spend.

Phalenopsisgirl Thu 04-Aug-16 22:34:47

Personally I'd much rather someone said we are getting/need xyz from John Lewis, then I can buy a £10 or £20 voucher towards it rather than some little teddy of which she will receive 100's, as cute as little teddies are I know from experience a drawer full of 30 comforter toys is more than any baby needs. If in doubt buy a pack of pampers, these will undoubtedly get used and they will be grateful for them at some point. Her family may have different traditions, you just don't know. It may be the norm for different family factions to splurg whenever there is a new baby or she may have friends who would think nothing of dropping a few hundred on a gift. I'm sure she doesn't expect everyone to be able to spend a fortune.

TrinityForce Thu 04-Aug-16 22:36:41

It's the done thing in other countries - my DP is belgian and it's normal and expected over there.

It's not entitled unless this person is demanding ONLY things from the list. IME it's just a suggestion list and so friends and family can club together for a big item.

LockedOutOfMN Thu 04-Aug-16 22:38:24

I've never heard of a gift list like this. I live in Spain. If it was a close friend or relative, then I would ask what they wanted for their gift, either from our family or clubbing together with friends. I certainly wouldn't expect to be told what to buy. Otherwise just a pack of bibs or classic children's book when baby is born (and some cookies/chocolate buttons for any older siblings). For me, the nicest thing is people wanting to see the baby. I don't care whether they bring a gift.

hazeimcgee Thu 04-Aug-16 22:38:33

I think it's a bit spoilt to call up and ask what you're getting!! And i think the gift list before baby is even here is just tasteless

CarpoolKaraoke Thu 04-Aug-16 22:40:14

I started a thread about this a while back, a friend of mine did the same thing, it really soured me wanting to get her anything. I thought it was rude and cheeky, especially some of the items which were actually for their benefit and not for the baby at all. When I did get something, my choice was thanked but with a rude caveat making it clear the disappointment I hadn't bought something expensive and off the list.

I have always been super generous with my friends and their children another reason she was possibly hmm I'm confident she expected more, but she'd been an absent, disinterested friend for 12 months and I simply wasn't, and I'm still not, prepared to "buy" the friendship.

I was astounded by it and still am, the sheer entitlement of it. It was literally like no-one on earth had ever had a child before and they just wanted everything and expected the friends to provide what the budget couldn't.

I took issue with how it was issued as well, literally to everyone they knew regardless of strength of relationship.

In the past I have asked pregnant friends what "type" of gift they would like and bought within that remit within my budget. I hadn't asked her yet (though obviously I intended to) but being issued with the equivalent of the Argos catalogue by someone who had not been keeping up their end of the friendship anyway killed all goodwill.

KickAssAngel Thu 04-Aug-16 22:58:46

The US tradition is to have a shower for the first baby, before she or he are born. People contribute towards gifts which first time parents are unlikely to have, and generally women (can be mixed) get together and hand over the gifts, eat some cake etc. There's also a strong tradition, of wishing the mum well, giving her any hints about the newborn days etc.

Of course, commercialism has rampaged in, and often there is a gift list at a particular store so people can make sure they get a gift that is wanted and not duplicate. However, it would be considered VERY rude to expect people to contribute - often work colleagues get together and buy things, also, a shower is arranged by friends not by the mum. Every little gift, even a pair of socks, is likely to receive a thank you note/email.

After the baby is born, some flowers or a card might be sent. Good friends will drop round meals, but there won't be a rush of gifts, that just happens once.

UK older tradition is to wait until after the birth (for mainly superstitious reasons) and then send/take a gift.

I keep hearing things on here that imply some people have heard of baby showers, and see it as a gift-fest so focus just on that.

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Aug-16 23:08:07

Ha! She sent round that list and then called people to check what they intended to buy???

Sparklesilverglitter Thu 04-Aug-16 23:12:29

I am pregnant at the moment due in 15 days and I wouldn't dream of sending out a list or asking for presents, if friends want to but baby grows or a gift when baby arrives I will be grateful but I would never expect it, How Rude!!

I even had a baby shower arranged for me by work and there was no presents as I had asked for none, we just had a cake, mocktails and a good old chat for the afternoon.

My, parents did buy the pram but I didn't ask them we went shopping together and they insisted bless them

OlennasWimple Thu 04-Aug-16 23:15:30

My mum wouldn't let me have the pram at home until DS was safely delivered, for superstitious reasons

Shizzlestix Thu 04-Aug-16 23:25:59

Hugely grabby! My go to presents are lots of babygrows and something for the mum, maybe something she couldn't have during pregnancy. Like gin. grin

FeckinCrutches Thu 04-Aug-16 23:27:54

What on earth did she think was going to happen Oleanna?

milliemolliemou Thu 04-Aug-16 23:28:19

Thanks for explaining the US baby shower Kick - the problem seems to be people duplicating US/UK traditions and expecting both the shower, the baby gift and even a christening gift. Clearly along with bridezillas there are mumzillas. While I totally understand people don't want 50 cute teddies and it's better to suggest something friends/family can club to buy that the putative family really need, it still seems strange for a shopping list from what seem to be reasonably well off people. I agree with the idea of a classic book - pampers (but what if they're in to nappies) - or later growth clothes (I had a 10lber so anything newborn was wasted!)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 04-Aug-16 23:31:09

She'd be getting a suit from Asda from me and be told to like it. If she pulled a face.
I didn't even go to John Lewis for my own DC or DN.

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