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To just stick them on a train?

(42 Posts)
DryAsRain Thu 04-Aug-16 21:14:39

I abhor my XH, he's a cheating, lying twat but we share custody of 2 DDs (14 & 16)

XH has continued with his cheating ways and has cheated on OW who has been his wife for years with another woman, who is pregnant which is why he's had to come clean.

He & his current wife have had fertility issues, so right now it's all very dramatic, however he was due to have the DDs for 2 weeks starting this Saturday. We live in the South, he lives in London, it's almost a 2 hour train ride but the DDs have done it for years on their own with someone waiting at the other end.

DH & I have a trip booked for Saturday afternoon, we'll be gone for 10 days.

XH has just called and cancelled on the DDs as he has to save his marriage, his current wife wants to stay with him, she just has to learn to trust him and make sure he respects her etc etc & he can't do that with his DDs around hmm

I've told him tough luck, they'll be waiting for him at the station at the allotted time, if he's not there they'll catch a bus & go straight to his house, then I hung up and haven't picked up any of his calls since.

DH thinks I'm a little insane to do that, DDs are up for it as they just want to leave our boring village & go to London.

Would it be alright to just stick them on a train?

ineedamoreadultieradult Thu 04-Aug-16 21:17:49

Do they have a key for his house? Are they aware they will be walking into a very tense/awkward situation?

Arkwright Thu 04-Aug-16 21:20:01

No I wouldn't. It's not fair on your Dd's.

DryAsRain Thu 04-Aug-16 21:20:40

Ineed, they know more then I do, I didn't realise all this drama had been happening until they got back from a weekend with him, but London trumps parental baggage, so they're fine with it. No key but Grandparents live within walking distance & they have a key to that house.

PotteringAlong Thu 04-Aug-16 21:22:07

I think you need to tell the grandparents if that's what you're going to do.

Missgraeme Thu 04-Aug-16 21:22:59

Bye bye dd's! Sure the gp will love to see them. . He sounds like a total arse!!

DryAsRain Thu 04-Aug-16 21:29:35

MissG, I was thinking the exact same thing. I don't mind telling the GPs, they probably have no idea what's happening though, so I think I'll leave all the drama out of it & let DDs fill them in.

BillSykesDog Thu 04-Aug-16 21:30:07

He's an arse but I don't think it's fair to send DDs into that situation. Can they not just stay with GPs?

DryAsRain Thu 04-Aug-16 21:32:17

Bill, I could ask the GPs & then they'll ask what wrongs with XH? And then I'd have to tell them and it isn't my place to do so as they're his parents not mine.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Thu 04-Aug-16 21:32:38

YABU it isn't fair on your children, being sent into a hostile environment. You need to make proper plans with the grandparents for them to stay there rather than sending them into the midst of a marital conflict because you can.

HeddaGarbled Thu 04-Aug-16 21:36:46

Maybe just check the GPs aren't away and are happy to have them? Unreasonable of him to expect you to cancel your holiday for anything other than a genuine emergency.

Liara Thu 04-Aug-16 21:36:48

Your dc are old enough to make their own decision about this. I would respect it, whatever it is.

YelloDraw Thu 04-Aug-16 21:51:22

Well I imagine his house will be fucking tense at the moment, but he can't just opt out of having them.

I think I would ask the GPs if they can stay with them and tell them that Ex seems to be having some issues but it's not your place to say.

BillSykesDog Thu 04-Aug-16 22:12:58

I would suggest what ^^Yello says as well. I think that dropping him in it with his parents should be less of a concern than sending DDs into such a toxic situation.

Bear in mind that he also may be lying to you about the situation and it's possible that she's kicked him out. You could end up in a situation with DDs turning up to a house they're locked out of and nowhere to go and an STBX stepmother who doesn't consider it her problem.

Definitely talk to the GPs. If he didn't want them finding out about it he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

Littleallovertheshop Thu 04-Aug-16 22:39:41

You're being totally unfair on your kids if you do that. Be the grown up and phone the grandparents. You don't need to tell them everything but you do need to ensure someone can take care of your two children.

Littleallovertheshop Thu 04-Aug-16 22:44:20

How about this? uk.monsoon.co.uk/view/product/uk_catalog/mon_13,mon_20/9501327914

Ameliablue Thu 04-Aug-16 22:45:41

You really want to send your girls into that. I get he's being entirely irresponsible and should put his children first but it doesn't sound as if that is going to happen. Even if he does pick them up, they probably won't enjoy being there amidst stress and arguments.

Lunar1 Thu 04-Aug-16 22:46:59

You need to tell the grandparents. What if they are away?

MrsWorryWart Thu 04-Aug-16 22:50:38

I understand you're going away, and it's your ExH problem really, but please don't do that to your DD's. You have no idea of the situation at the other end.

ThomasRichard Thu 04-Aug-16 22:57:52

As long as the grandparents are aware and ok with their grandchildren potentially arriving for 2 weeks or not, then YANBU. They're old enough to travel alone and know the score with the situation at their dad's house.

Littleallovertheshop Thu 04-Aug-16 23:38:18

Oops blush

WiddlinDiddlin Fri 05-Aug-16 04:49:45

If the kids are up for it and have safe alternatives and IF you CAN come home if absolutely necessary..

Then yeah, I would let them go - you aren't forcing them, they want to, whats the worst case scenario, they have to come home and stay home without you for 10 days? If they can manage that then, mm, bit of an adventure and a test run of 'standing on your own two feet' with various safety nets.

It does entirely depend on the maturity of the two and if the elder one is happy to be responsible for the younger one of course.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 05-Aug-16 05:33:53

The GP's need to be filled in to ensure they haven't gone on holiday themselves. I know effectively your 16 yr old can legally look after your 14 yr old but it only seems fair to have some safety nets in place. Being able to stay with GP's would be top of my list. Along with access to 48 hours of funds for hotel/food/ticket home. Your exh may well have decided to take his wife away and if you don't check the facts, your girls could potentially be in the centre of London with no one around. They're not babies but it could be awkward.

Jaynebxl Fri 05-Aug-16 05:41:10

You can't do it without talking to the grandparents. I'd feel free to tell them what's going on because of the children.

UnexpectedBaggage Fri 05-Aug-16 05:53:19

If the girls are up for it, do it.

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