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To think DH was a grump and never take him with me again?

(25 Posts)
SmallButPerfect Thu 04-Aug-16 17:47:55

There's a playgroup at the local church hall I go to on a Thursday with my DD who's 13months old. It's unstructured play; toys suitable from 6months-4yrs, a bouncy castle, ball pit and plenty of foam and rubber mats for children to play on. I've been going for a few weeks now and DD loves it, it's the only group I go to because it's the only one DD has ever enjoyed.

This morning DH came with us as he was off work. He absolutely insisted that he came as he saw the photos on the groups Facebook page of DD playing with the other children and toys we don't have at home and wanted to see it for himself.

From the moment we go there he was complaining and moaning. It started with the fact he was tired, so he just sat on the chairs near to where I was playing with DD staring into space and not interacting with me, DD or any of the other children/parents there. Whenever he was spoken to he'd ignore people or say he was "tired" and had got up early.

After 30mins or so I asked him to sit with DD while I went to the toilet, I was gone awhile as there was a queue and I also went to help another lady with twins who was coming into the building with her pushchair (no ramp/disabled access, stairs only). When I got back he immediately stood up, yawned and sat back on the chairs, moaning his back hurt from sitting on the floor for too long. He hadn't moved DD from where she'd been playing despite her pointing at other toys when I got back.

About half way through the session there's a short break where tea/coffee, biscuits and juice are offered. They're 50p per family, which I think is good value - the session itself is £2 per child for the whole 2.5 hours play which is amazing so I don't begrudge an extra 50p for refreshments. DH apparently does, he refused to take our 50p to the group organiser, claiming he didn't know her. When I asked how he expected to get to know other parents if he didn't talk to them he shrugged and said I should take the money over.

He then spent the entire rest of the session complaining that he was bored because he didn't "know what to do". He kept asking me to explain what we were doing despite it being obvious that DD was crawling through the tunnels or playing the musical instruments. He also asked me to "take DD out of the room" when a little boy we know from the group came up to play and DD gave him a hug which he liked, and then he said she was a sweet baby, they played together for awhile afterwards.

We left early because I was fed up of the grumbling and the staring into space. As we left he said he enjoyed it and wants to come with us next time he's off.

AIBU to think he was grumpy, so obviously didn't enjoy it, and to tell him to never ever come with me to the group again?

Creatureofthenight Thu 04-Aug-16 17:51:49

Did you not ask him why on earth he wants to go again when he spent the entire session behaving like a bored child?

rollonthesummer Thu 04-Aug-16 17:53:34

Has he behaved like this before or was this 100% out of character?

I don't think I could have spent a morning in the company of someone behaving like that!

SmallButPerfect Thu 04-Aug-16 17:55:47

rollonthesummer completely out of character, he's usually really enthusiastic and loves playing with DD.

Creatureofthenight when I asked he said he'd enjoyed and he thought I could see he enjoyed it.

Katastrophe13 Thu 04-Aug-16 17:57:21

Blimey hate to think what's he's like when he doesn't enjoy something!!! He sounds like he's 4 refusing to give the organiser the 50p because he doesn't know her. And being tired is part of being a parent, you've just got to suck it up. No i would tell him he's not allowed again unless he puts his happy face on and interacts. Why did he want you to take her out of the room because another baby hugged her?? Didn't understand that bit.

SmallButPerfect Thu 04-Aug-16 18:00:58

Katastrophe It was DD who hugged the boy, and I don't know why. I think he was worried the mother would think it was strange or bad behaviour or something. I'd have stepped in had the boy not wanted to be hugged but as he said it was ok I left DD to it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 04-Aug-16 18:08:14

If all the other parents knew each other and he was the only dad there, maybe he just felt awkward or shy and brushed it off as 'tiredness'?
Perhaps he felt all eyes were on him?

SmallButPerfect Thu 04-Aug-16 18:10:38

ILostItInTHeEarlyNineties He was one of three dads there. Of course we all know each other, but I didn't know any of them until a few weeks ago, they were so welcoming and lovely, and would have been the same to DH.

Cutecat78 Thu 04-Aug-16 18:12:15


ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 04-Aug-16 18:13:26

I think there is a tiny bit of you that wanted to show your dh off to the group (for example, making him go over to the supervisor with the money instead of giving it to her yourself like you normally would) and you feel he let you down a bit?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 04-Aug-16 18:14:56

I agree he was a bit grumpy, just trying to think why that might be!
<clutches at straws>

ShatnersBassoon Thu 04-Aug-16 18:15:03

Was he trying to act cool? grin

rollonthesummer Thu 04-Aug-16 18:17:01

As we left he said he enjoyed it and wants to come with us next time he's off.

To which I hope you said, 'you are joking, aren't you? You have just ruined for me what is usually a really lovely morning...!'

SmallButPerfect Thu 04-Aug-16 19:09:53

ILost Show him off? He asked me if he could come, I'd have happily taken DD on my own, although I did think he'd get along with at least one of the other dads so would enjoy it.

Rollon I said he didn't look like he enjoyed it so was he sure he wanted to come again?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 04-Aug-16 19:19:55

Ok, you didn't want to show him off grin

It's very odd that after all the grumbling, the staring into space, the back ache and the yawning, he claimed to have really enjoyed himself confused
Was he being sarcastic or attempting some sort of irony?
He certainly wasn't doing a very good impression of someone having fun.

Arfarfanarf Thu 04-Aug-16 19:27:26

If it was me, I would list each and every thing he moaned about and go into great detail about his behaviour and ask him to explain
a) how he thought any of that indicated to you that he was enjoying himself,
b) why he thinks you'd want to spend time with him again there, if that's how he carries on and
c) if that's him having a good time - what the fuck would he do to demonstrate that he wasn't enjoying himself? Light his cock on fire and put it out with a shovel? Kebab skewer his eyeballs and sprinkle them with fire ants?

I mean come on. He cannot possibly think behaviour like you describe is someone having a good time.

Firsttimer82 Thu 04-Aug-16 19:31:28

My dh feels uncomfortable and unsure in mummy environments sometimes. He always needs a bit of encouragement to join in!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 04-Aug-16 19:33:29

grin Arf

I would be tempted to go on my own next time and tell all my friends there that you have no idea who the strange staring into space man of last week was, you've never seen him before in your life.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 04-Aug-16 19:39:07

I would just say 'don't be so ridiculous' when he mentions going again. So tired and sore back. Not willing to pay a tiny charge for a drink. Moody old grump.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Thu 04-Aug-16 19:43:10

He hand 50p over to the organiser because he 'doesn't know her'? He must find it very difficult to live his life never being able to pay for food/petrol/clothes/services/groceries confusedhmm

YANBU to insist her never, ever, ever goes again!

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Thu 04-Aug-16 19:47:05

*he wouldn't

Scarydinosaurs Thu 04-Aug-16 21:17:45

Did you not say "but you said you were bored?"

Missgraeme Thu 04-Aug-16 21:26:29

Maybe there was no toys there that he wanted to play with?? Sounds like u took a baby and a toddler!! Go on your own and make some friends who are sociable instead!!

mumofthemonsters808 Thu 04-Aug-16 21:38:08

If I were you, I'd let him take Dd whilst you stay at home and have a break. My oh used to take mine to a DAds and Tots session and he really enjoyed it, unfortunately it stopped due to low attendance.If you let him go alone, he will mix more and it will give you a welcome break.

Griphook Thu 04-Aug-16 21:39:52

My exdp could be like this at times when he was unsure, it's not an excuse, but the moaning was to cover the unconfidence

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