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To break off contact with DM?

(7 Posts)
TreeBandit Thu 04-Aug-16 16:31:46

Long-time lurker, first-time poster... Please be kind!

I'll try and keep it concise, but apologies in advance if I miss any important info and end up drip-feeding.

I have never had a good relationship with my mother. I'm far from perfect myself, but she has always been very difficult to get along with. Over the years she has lost a number of friends, and no-one on my (estranged, late) father's side of the family will have anything to do with her. I have for a long time considered going non-contact with her, but have never quite managed to bring myself to do so. As it is, I see her less than once a year.

The latest communication I've had from her ended with a 'if you don't ever want to see me, let me know and I will never contact you again' (which honestly came out of nowhere - the exchange had, up to that point, been totally civil - but that sort of thing is par for the course, really). I am SO CLOSE to taking her up on that.

My cold-hearted reasoning is that she genuinely adds nothing positive to our lives - only stress, drama and guilt. My DH is generally a lovely, level-headed man, but begrudgingly agrees. However, he also reckons I should grit my teeth and maintain a basic level of contact in the hope that we (or DS) will one day benefit from an inheritance. This doesn't sit particularly well with me, and in any case, it could be another 20+ years of unpleasantness only to find she's left it all to the Royal Society for Blind Three-Legged Hamsters. Or whatever.

So, do I cut ties, or stick it out in the hope of ££/some other reason?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 04-Aug-16 16:35:58

yes break contact - don't maintaim contact just for her money hmm

heateallthebuns Thu 04-Aug-16 16:37:48

Well it doesn't sound like you have much contact anyway. What is there to break off?

TreeBandit Thu 04-Aug-16 17:17:15

TheoriginalLEM - I agree, it doesn't seem right.

heateallthebuns - Good point. I guess it would mostly just be a case of making it 'official', and 'officially' being able to not see her, etc.

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 04-Aug-16 18:05:36

I'm NC with my own mother, and so by association my father too unfortunately, and it's the best thing I ever did. The odd moments of sadness are far outnumbered by the feelings of relief and freedom-genuinely like a big weight has been lifted off me.

Don't feel you have to make it official, and don't keep in touch with the hope of inheritance, as that's a bit crass tbh.

Damselindestress Thu 04-Aug-16 18:07:50

So your DH wants you to maintain an attachment you find stressful and deceive your mother into thinking you want a relationship with her, just for the money? Doesn't sound lovely! Do what's right for you emotionally. She sounds unreliable so might not leave you anything anyway and it's not worth the stress.

2kids2dogsnosense Thu 04-Aug-16 18:36:39

Life is too short to be in destructive relationships with ANYONE!

As for her money - let her keep it - much joy may it bring her when she has no family and no friends to hold her hand when she's ill, or give a damn if she dies.

And don't forget - you might go first (unlikely but possible) - do you REALLY want to have your life shortened by the stress of her giving you hell all the time?

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