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Rude sweary 'carer' in hospital

(92 Posts)
Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 08:58:00

In female bay. Woman next to me is obvs v ill. Her husband is here ALL THE TIME. He's rude and obnoxious, swears at the staff, is loud and irritating, and because he's her carer at home he's allowed her open hours.

He rocked up at 8.30am this morning. He's not actually doing anything care-wise, just keeping her, and the rest of us awake with his constant prodding and 'are you awake' at her.

Already objected, but he's mean, and I think they're a bit scared of him. I don't want him in here, I'm ill, I feel unwell, and I might stab him with my knitting needles. I've told him if I hear him swear I will call security myself 😡

drinkyourmilk Thu 04-Aug-16 09:02:03

I haven't met a ward sister or deputy who couldn't handle an aggressive person, regardless of size etc. They will be aware and will act when necessary. Keep complaining to them.

Zuccarelli Thu 04-Aug-16 09:03:18

Is he actually physically prodding her? I agree keep complaining.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:04:52

They're pathetic, just rolling over and not doing anything, even when he swears at the staff.

I want to go home 😞

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Aug-16 09:05:45

Why would you be allowed to bring your full time carer to hospital??

BusStopBetty Thu 04-Aug-16 09:06:32

Complain. Perhaps they could be moved to a room? Even if he's her carer it's unreasonable to have him there when personal care is being provided to others.

Sidge Thu 04-Aug-16 09:07:07

I'm surprised the ward manager isn't all over this. I wouldn't put up with my stiffening sworn at and intimidated and I sure as hell wouldn't let my patients have to put up with it either.

Ask to speak to the ward manager with your concerns - carer or not IMO it's inappropriate that he is there. If the manager is ineffective ask to speak to the Head of Service for the division (surgical, medical etc).

I know if you're poorly you shouldn't have to do this but I think it's worth getting the ball rolling.

BusStopBetty Thu 04-Aug-16 09:07:08

Try pals if the ward staff don't help.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:07:17


It's unnecessary. They are excellent on this ward.

But it's the rudeness, the bullying, the constant hectoring that's getting to me. I can't deal with it.

Sidge Thu 04-Aug-16 09:07:28

Stiffening? Bloody iPad. I meant staff.

brummiesue Thu 04-Aug-16 09:10:01

I am a nurse, speak to the ward sister, they will sort it, they are used to far worse than this. If no luck ask for matron.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:13:10

It's the ward sister who gave him permission. And I don't have the fight, I've only just got out of ICU.

I just want to go home

brummiesue Thu 04-Aug-16 09:15:00

Yes but she may not be aware of how he is behaving now, speak to matron, they are senior and could help more.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 04-Aug-16 09:15:56

My concern is. If he's effing and jeffing in ear shot of everyone when she's in hospital.
What's he likes behind closed doors. I think this women's care plan needs re-evaluting. It could be that he's not coping and/or sleep deprived.
Scared or not. The hospital have a duty of care to its patients, and nor do they to put up with such abuse. If they can't handle him security should be called.

davos Thu 04-Aug-16 09:16:50

Surely carers are not automatically allowed anytime day or night if they are preventing others from getting well?

At the moment you are to ill to go home. It's not a good idea. Speak to the ward sister and tell her you want to go home because of him.

If you can't face it, is Someone coming to visit? Ask them to do it.

I was in a similar position. Luckily my mum takes no shit and dealt with it for me.

EleanorofCastile Thu 04-Aug-16 09:17:42

OP can you contact the director of nursing? Ask for a contact email/number for PALS and then ask them to forward this on to the Director of Nursing. In my hospital they would absolutely want to know about this.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:17:51

She's scared of him, when he's here she makes these scared squeaking noises. It's the only time she does it. He's here because he's in control, not because he cares.

davos Thu 04-Aug-16 09:18:28

Or (if you feel up to it) tell the nurses you wish to start a complaint in ear shot of him. But I can imagine you don't feel up to that's.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:20:17

I think I'm just going to discharge. I'll tell consultant when he comes round, and if he asks, I'll tell him why.

JudyCoolibar Thu 04-Aug-16 09:24:01

For goodness sake, OP, why not tell the sister? If you're well enough to be on here and well enough to discharge yourself, surely you're well enough to do that? Your neighbour sounds like she needs protecting from this man.

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:26:16

I have done. I said in my OP that I'd complained, I complained as soon as he got here. That's when I found out he has open visiting.

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Aug-16 09:26:57

What's up with you, Stratter? ICU is no walk in the park

Stratter5 Thu 04-Aug-16 09:28:55

Had v v bad asthma attack on Friday, then 2 anaphylactic episodes whilst in here

Northernlurker Thu 04-Aug-16 09:29:18

I'm a nhs manager. I would want to know about this and I would do something because everybody should feel safe in hospital. PleAse do tell the consultant and ask them to get somebody to speak to you again.

JudyCoolibar Thu 04-Aug-16 09:31:15

The thing is that when you complained when he got there, it probably appeared that you were simply complaining about his presence. They now need to know that he is keeping the patient awake, bullying her, and that she sounds distressed. They also need to know that he is making your life miserable and that you are seriously thinking of discharging yourself as a direct result.

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