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AIBU because I don't want to pay for Partners exmil's shopping all the time?!

(229 Posts)
Collywobbler Wed 03-Aug-16 11:00:20

My partner and I have been together for 4 years, I met him 3 years after he divorced and he has a child with his exw.

EXW and exMIL slagged me off profusely when we got together for no other reason than they both thought at one point my partner and his ex would get back together. I saw the text messages that were sent to my partner and exmil said along the lines of "shes so ugly I can't believe you've lowered your standards etc" so I have never been a fan of either of them from the start!

Anyway fast forward a few years and whilst they've both stopped slagging me off I still don't want anything to do with them although I never say anything bad about them infront of his dc.

When my partner has his DC we tend to try to do something in the evening like go shopping etc. We were out a few weeks ago and I popped into a clothes shop and picked up a few things. Whilst we were in there exmil phoned to speak to her GC and asked where we were, when she found out we were in this particular clothes shop she asked if we could get her several pairs of socks - totalling around £10 I think it was. As I went to pay for my clothes I was handed the socks and expected to pay for them with mine..

Bit miffed but assumed I would be reimbursed but never was, she apparently never asked who she owed the money to or how much it was..

Second time we were food shopping and she called and asked to pick up x y z and again I ended up paying for it because I was paying for my shopping also and again no reimbursement.

Happened again last night we were out in a particular shop and was asked to pick up things that totalled to around £40. Got to the checkout and I said to partner "that till is free if you'd like to pay for your exmil's items" he looked at me as if I had three heads and said "don't be so tight, just put it through with your stuff!"

I avoided responding because I didn't want to cause a scene infront of his DC but I'm getting pretty fed up of this now I don't see why I should keep paying for things for someone I don't even like especially as I never get reimbursed for it!

I haven't brought it up with partner yet as his DC is still with him but before I do - aibu to say I'm not paying for her stuff anymore especially as its coming out of my pocket??

Exmil isn't ill or disabled preventing her from getting to shops and she earns around 4 times my salary.Sometimes I struggle to make ends meet at the end of the month and these extra purchases every other week are not helping!

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 03-Aug-16 11:02:37

Id tell her no when she rings.

Why is she even ringing?! That's weird. My mum wouldn't ring my ex or his girlfriend.

NoCapes Wed 03-Aug-16 11:03:50

Do something fun with the kids instead of taking them shopping every time you have them
Problem solved

pinkyredrose Wed 03-Aug-16 11:04:25

Why on earth haven't you spoken to your partner yet? Ask him to reimburse you. Next time it happens just say no, stand up for yourself! She's taking the piss and you're letting her!

ImperialBlether Wed 03-Aug-16 11:04:59

No, she's calling the OP's boyfriend and he's telling her to pay.

OP, you are being a real mug. I would bet my house that there's financial abuse in your relationship already. Who pays for what?

What were the things you were buying anyway? Were they just for you or were they for your boyfriend and his children?

roomonmybroom Wed 03-Aug-16 11:05:32

Tell him not to be so tight and pay for it himself then eh! YANBU.

Arfarfanarf Wed 03-Aug-16 11:06:06

stop being a mug. He is being tight by trying to get you to pay for her stuff. They are using you.

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 03-Aug-16 11:06:16

Still weird that his ex mil is ringing him. Can't imagine my parents ringing my ex and giving them a shopping list and ex doing it.

Bananalanacake Wed 03-Aug-16 11:06:20

Have you tried shopping on your own without your DP, and if he asks for anything for MIL before you go pretend you forgot.
Can't believe the bare faced cheek, especially as she earns more.

Stevefromstevenage Wed 03-Aug-16 11:07:47

Eh why is your DP not paying?

NervousRider Wed 03-Aug-16 11:08:13

Am sure the DC look really forward going to their DF and going shopping every time hmm

ayeokthen Wed 03-Aug-16 11:09:42

If my DPs ex MIL expected me to pay for her shopping she'd be told to bolt!

NeedACleverNN Wed 03-Aug-16 11:10:06

Why is she ringing in the first place? confused

Why is he answering in the first place?!

davos Wed 03-Aug-16 11:11:31

When you partner said 'don't be tight'

Why wasn't your response 'don't you be tight, pay for it yourself'

I don't get why you have done this on multiple occasions and not said anything.

SaucyJack Wed 03-Aug-16 11:13:49

Come on dude.

You don't need us to tell you they are all massively taking the piss out of you.

Question is; what you're going to do about it?

Collywobbler Wed 03-Aug-16 11:13:59

she rings to speak to her grandchild but she has to ring my partners phone - she asks her grandchild to pick up the items, I assume she thinks my partner is paying for it all but then she's never asked who paid for it or how much it costs!

My partner doesn't see her that often because he drops his DC back to his exw so I guess the conversation has never arisen and probably been forgotten by the time he sees her next.

I didn't say anything to him because its always been when his DC has been with us and I didn't want to upset him.

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 03-Aug-16 11:15:32

She can ring her daughter and speak to her grandchild then. And leave you and your partner

There really is no need for your partners ex mil to be in contact

Pearlman Wed 03-Aug-16 11:15:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davos Wed 03-Aug-16 11:16:52

But he is happy to object to him paying for the stuff in front of his kids.

Glitterpegs Wed 03-Aug-16 11:17:23

Sounds like you have a major DP problem

BillSykesDog Wed 03-Aug-16 11:20:13

I bet she gives DP they money and he pockets it.

NeedACleverNN Wed 03-Aug-16 11:21:53

When his children are gone or in bed, talk to him!

Tell him you don't want to buy his ex-mil things. It's rude of her to ask and even ruder not to pay it back.

If he has a problem with it, he can pay

M0nstersinthecl0set Wed 03-Aug-16 11:23:10

Send them an email with your paypal and a "thought I'd make it easy for you to pay me back for your shopping". There's a lot of weird in this - why is gp phoning on contact days as a regular thing. Are you sure there's not more to it?

Shizzlestix Wed 03-Aug-16 11:23:18

No need for her to talk to gc on you DP's contact nights. She's clearly cottoned on to your going shopping and is doing this deliberately if it's every time. Gc needs training to say no/not pass on the message. Cheeky fucker!

llhj Wed 03-Aug-16 11:23:24

The amount of bizarre events occurring in other folks' lives on here never fails to amaze me but honestly that's right up there.

Your partner berates you for being tight because you won't pay for £40 of stuff for his ex mil that she's just demanded on a random phone call?

Seriously? Honestly, find him now, ask to speak to him privately if you wish and simply say you wish to have that £40 back and he can sort it out with his ex relatives himself. I'd personally have no problem saying that in front of children. You're a mug otherwise and there's some odd caper on the go here.

What's the general set up regarding paying for things and household etc. It all sounds weird to me.

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