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To think dh is over reacting

(74 Posts)
Ellieboolou27 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:04:05

For leaving my door keys (car key included) in front door overnight by mistake. Tbh I've done this before a few times blush, but not overnight. He left for work then stormed into leaving room screaming I am fucking lucky whilst throwing keys on sofa, he then slams front door and drives off screeching racer boy style down the road. He then comes home from work still in vile mood, Still moaning at me about it and it went on and on until the next day. I know it's dangerous and we are lucky to not have our house entered or our car stolen, but... It was a mistake. I'm on mat leave and also have a 4 year old and a dog, I am not a disorganised person, house always tidy (ish), dinners always made, dog walked at least twice a day, i guess what I'm trying to say is I do 90% of domestic and childcare as well as looking after the dog and I just simply forgot. He is dragging it on and on and I feel like screaming at him "well nothing happened so move on" but day 2 now and his still moaning and sulking about it.

Afreshstartplease Wed 03-Aug-16 07:05:13

And it was him who left them there?

Sirzy Wed 03-Aug-16 07:08:03

He shouldn't have dragged it on but I can understand why he was pissed off with you, especially if it has happened more than once.

chattygranny Wed 03-Aug-16 07:09:04

Would it be too much for him to agree with you a system so that whoever locks up at night checks this has not happened again? Of course it's a silly
mistake but that's it: a mistake! IMO he is over-reacting and not making allowances for you being post natal.

BendydickCuminsnatch Wed 03-Aug-16 07:12:00

Ugh, he sounds exhausting. I've done the same! No harm done and will make sure to not do it again! Do you live in a particularly high crime area?

TheRealAdaLovelace Wed 03-Aug-16 07:14:30

Depends - do you live in Stockwell, or Aberystwyth?

GrimmauldPlace Wed 03-Aug-16 07:15:55

I do this all the time. I don't have a new baby as an excuse. Our door is one you have to physically lock with a key anyway so it has never been left overnight but probably would if we had a normal door!

I think your DH needs to let it go. Maybe you can have a system of checking the door before going to bed from now on so it doesn't happen again.

I can understand his initial reaction, he was probably thinking of what could have happened. But the point is, it didn't. You've realised your mistake. What else can you do? It's over with now. Whys he carrying it on?

Lilaclily Wed 03-Aug-16 07:17:59

He sounds a massive twat
And also a bit scary ?
Does he fly off the handle regularly?

Dozer Wed 03-Aug-16 07:21:34

That behaviour was totally inappropriate. Abusive even. Is he often like that?

Why do you do 90% of childcare and domestic work?

I do this all the time! When I can't find my keys it's the first place I look.

He's being hugely unreasonable. It was clearly a mistake. i agree with the posters above - make checking the front door part of your nightly check and this won't happen.

TendonQueen Wed 03-Aug-16 07:28:31

You really ne ed some system where you check on this to stop doing it. I know it is 'no harm done' this time, and he shouldn't have screamed at you, but it is risky. There was a thread recently where someone's partner left the back door open each night and people said, quite rightly, it just wasn't on. Perhaps by saying 'no harm done' it sounds like you just aren't bothered.

flumpybear Wed 03-Aug-16 07:32:20

My husband used to often leave the front door unlocked st night and twice now has left the door OPEN twat at night. I had SUCH a go at him!!! I then bought a brand new front door, modern that shuts easier - the first fucking DAY it was in I came
Home to find the freakin door OPEN again!!! Tho it was his dad that time - I went mental saying our then 2 year old could have ran out to meet me
On the driveway and I could have ran over her!!!!!
It's not happened since !!! That was 5 years ago!!!!

Jengnr Wed 03-Aug-16 07:33:54

It is a bad mistake but it is a mistake. It's not comparable to the other thread imo TendonQueen because that woman's partner was deliberately doing it every night.

I left my car keys in the ignition all night the other night OP. My husband shook his head when I told him. That's an appropriate response, maybe to affectionately call you an idiot or ask if you're ok since this is very out of character. His response is well out of order.

MephistoMarley Wed 03-Aug-16 07:33:58

His behaviour is horrible but tbf if you have done it a few times he's probably completely fucked off with you and at the end of his patience. Why do you keep doing it?

lastqueenofscotland Wed 03-Aug-16 07:35:16

Tbf id be really really cross with dp if he kept doing it... But it wouldn't be a clever thing to do where I live.

Dragging it out over days in unnecessary but I'd be annoyed

Pearlman Wed 03-Aug-16 07:35:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pearlman Wed 03-Aug-16 07:37:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redskytonight Wed 03-Aug-16 07:45:48

How did he react the other times you did this? I agree his reaction is OTT but if he treated the others like a genuine mistake, maybe his reaction is born out of frustration?

Sixfifetree Wed 03-Aug-16 07:46:28

My OH is bad for doing the keys in door thing so years ago I took it upon myself to be the door checker no matter how late or how tired I am. Years later I still am glad I do it as very occassionally it happens. It's accidentally done and not done intentionally. So, Yes he's over-reacting big time. Yes he's had enough, but enough is enough from him too. Time to step back - is he overtired? Is he stressed or worried about something else, or does he have a tendancy to be like this? Whatever, time to pick your moment and talk.

Homebird8 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:47:11

What on earth does he hope to achieve with this behaviour? I'd be inclined to ask him and don't let him use it as an excuse to just repeat himself. After all, you know it was lucky you got away with it.

Hotwaterbottle1 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:50:54

Has he been burgled before. I have, whilst we were sleeping. They took everything including the cars. H has left the door open. So, if I were him and you had done it a few times I would go crazy & I rarely lose my temper as it was the most frightening experience.

You need a system.

Ellieboolou27 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:52:54

Thing is he does look all the nightly locking up as I'm usually in bed before him, I have done it about 3 times in total. It's usually when I've been out with kids and dog. We live in a safe neighbourhood. I do most childcare/ domestic as he works such long days, I think maybe I will need to sit down with him and talk through some of the helpful suggestions on here. Dozer he is not abusive but he does have some form of Asd,(I think but not been formally diagnosed), he just won't let it go, it's not like I'm not remorseful, I just don't like to be made to feel like a naughty school girl or days on end.

Ellieboolou27 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:53:21

Does lock up at night I meant

FlyingElbows Wed 03-Aug-16 07:53:43

Yes he's overreacting but please do yourself and all other women on the planet a favour and don't attribute your oversight to being a mother (or, bizarrely, owning a dog). It's got nothing to do with that and saying it does just fuels the argument that women are weak, brainless and useless. You made a simple human error. It's not like you thought "oh I know, I'll leave the keys here so burglars can take all our possessions and the car!". Nothing happened. Your husband needs to get over it and you need to stop putting yourself down.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Wed 03-Aug-16 07:55:55

Sounds like a total overreaction to me

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