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Its my OH's fault for being assaulted

(46 Posts)
Natsku Wed 03-Aug-16 06:37:49

I'm really pissed off that my OH is being told its his own fault that he got hit (breaking his jaw and badly spraining his wrist from falling down from the force of the punch) because "he shouldn't have gone to a bar" (the bar isn't even known for violence) and "shouldn't have got involved" when he saw two women being grabbed by a man and screaming for him to get off them. No one else was doing anything (very loud live music in the bar, possibly no one else heard the screams, he was right by them so he heard) but apparently he shouldn't have pulled the man away and told him to stop.

Its the bar staff blaming him and his own fucking dad. Meanwhile he has to go to hospital tomorrow for surgery on his jaw, hasn't been able to eat anything but liquids since Saturday and can't work for weeks (and its still two weeks before he's eligible for sick pay as he only joined his Union just less than a year ago)

I can understand that his dad is angry and upset because the two of them have their own business so now all the work falls on his dad but AIBU in thinking he needs to apologise to my OH for blaming him and stop being a cunt?!

OnionKnight Wed 03-Aug-16 06:40:03

That's called victim blaming and yes the dad needs to apologise.

pearlylum Wed 03-Aug-16 06:40:39

Pub brawling is never attractive.

OnionKnight Wed 03-Aug-16 06:43:11

Boohoo Pearly, should he have left the women to it then?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 03-Aug-16 06:43:46

Pub brawling is never attractive.

So now he won't be "attractive" to his own dad.

Damn.

whatsagoodusername Wed 03-Aug-16 06:44:18

Pub brawling is never attractive.

Neither is a man grabbing women who are screaming at him to get off.

Some excellent victim blaming there, OP. Well done to your OH for trying to help. Hope he recovers quickly.

Pettywoman Wed 03-Aug-16 06:44:22

What's that supposed to mean Pearlymum? He didn't start a fight, he attempted to help someone. That's pretty attractive to me actually.

Yes, victim blaming pure and simple. YANBU.

Dozer Wed 03-Aug-16 06:45:17

Am sorry that happened to him, and that people have said those things, it's horrible victim blaming. He might be able to get help from organisations for victims of crimes. Hope the surgery goes well.

ChristmasZombie Wed 03-Aug-16 06:51:12

Please give your DH a (very gentle, as he has a bad wrist) high five from me. I wish someone had intervened when I was assaulted in a bar 12 years ago.

BifsWif Wed 03-Aug-16 06:54:19

No, it's not his fault, he tried to do the right thing.

I learned from bitter experience not to get involved in things like that though. My husband was nearly killed when we tried to stop a man beating a woman in the street. I wish we'd have just called the police instead.

pearlylum Wed 03-Aug-16 06:57:55

ts the bar staff blaming him

Neither the OP nor us know the full story here.

If my OH went to a pub and came back with a broken jaw I wouldn't be impressed.

PinkyofPie Wed 03-Aug-16 07:03:58

Pub brawling is never attractive.

Heaven forbid someone intervene in a woman getting beaten by a man for fear of being found unattractive

If my OH went to a pub and came back with a broken jaw I wouldn't be impressed

Maybe I'm strange but if my OH had saved two women from a violent man I'd be beaming with pride and very sympathetic re his broken jaw. It's not like he started on someone who pushed past him FFS

High five from your hubby from me too OP!

Natsku Wed 03-Aug-16 07:04:17

The bar staff couldn't see what was happening to start it (crowded dance floor - if they had seen surely they would have intervened to protect the women?!). And hardly bar brawling - OH pulled the man away and shouted at him to leave the women alone, then a friend pulled him back in an attempt to discourage any fight and it was at that point the man punched him, when he wasn't near him or threatening him.

The women are vague friends of ours and were very thankful. One of them had got badly scratched in the back by the man, skin torn off, and hurt her neck. I was impressed that he did the right thing. If he had been fighting I wouldn't be impressed, but protecting people isn't fighting.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 03-Aug-16 07:05:26

Neither the OP nor us know the full story here.

You seem to be implying that OP's husband is not being entirely honest as to the circumstances of the assault.

Do you know OP or her husband?

If my OH went to a pub and came back with a broken jaw I wouldn't be impressed.

Lets hope he is never assaulted then. Sympathy will be in short supply. hmm

How do you feel about women who go out clubbing and get raped?

Natsku Wed 03-Aug-16 07:06:22

Thanks you lot, will give him a (gentle!) high five and ask him to contact victim services.

Tartsamazeballs Wed 03-Aug-16 07:07:43

Your husband deserves a fucking medal, not an earful.

Also I want whatever some of whatever Pearly has been smoking. Must be good to get you that far removed from reality!

pearlylum Wed 03-Aug-16 07:07:45

then a friend pulled him back in an attempt to discourage any fight

Op is your OP known for fighting? Why would his friend pull him back?

Natsku Wed 03-Aug-16 07:09:09

It was probably to make sure the man couldn't say that OH was threatening him and then have an excuse to fight if he was pulled away.

Lexilooo Wed 03-Aug-16 07:09:51

He can make a claim to the CICA to help with the effects of his injuries

pearlylum Wed 03-Aug-16 07:11:19

I still don't understand why he needed pulling away- unless he was threatening?

MrsUnderwood Wed 03-Aug-16 07:13:23

I hope your husband makes a full recovery, OP. He was trying to help and that was really brave of him, most people wouldn't give a shit.

Natsku Wed 03-Aug-16 07:17:14

We're not in the UK Lexi but we have something similar but have to go through the police first to access it, just takes time. He'll have medical bills too and without income for the next few weeks that's going to be rough.

I don't know pearly perhaps his friend didn't see what was happening to the girls and just assumed shouting and pulling must be a fight starting. Some people assume things. Like you for instance.

PovertyPain Wed 03-Aug-16 07:19:00

Just ignore Pearlymum, OP. She/he was on another thread being just as obnoxious.

Hope all goes well for your husband. flowers

whattodowiththepoo Wed 03-Aug-16 07:21:23

Next time tell him to get security or draw attention to what is happening before becoming physically involved.
Hope he is feeling better soon.

PageStillNotFound404 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:25:54

Pearlymum are you always so antagonistic? Does it get you into lots of fights? Or are you only such an argumentative provocateur from behind the safety of your anonymous username?

I hope your OH makes a speedy recovery OP, and well done to him. YANBU that your FIL needs to give his head a wobble and realise his son is braver than many who would sit back and not intervene to save someone in trouble.

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