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To think daughter should have a proper bed?

(41 Posts)
lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 13:44:08

My exh moved a year ago, put all his stuff in storage. Since then my daughter sleeps on a blow up mattress. This has been OK given that she tends to be there max 3 nights and I have been willing to give him time to sort stuff out. But it's been a year, she stays for 5 nights during summer hols and hates sleeping on a blow up mattress that deflates over night. She has a medical condition which means she gets sore joints. I emailed ex last week to say she had mentioned the bed again.... She is staying there now.... On a blow up mattress again. Am I being unreasonable to think a year is long enough to get a bed out of storage?

OreosAreTasty Tue 02-Aug-16 13:49:26

Why is she still on the blow up bed? Is money an issue? Can you offer to help?
Single beds are cheaper but I recently bought a mattress and bed for under £90 in total for a double.
Brand new . Mattress was £27 on eBay. Got my bed from ikea for £59.
Single would probably be a good £30+ cheaper.
If he's known for being tight fisted or abusive then I wouldn't offer to help but if you can afford it, would you want to help out?

OreosAreTasty Tue 02-Aug-16 13:50:15

By the way YANBU!!
even without the medical condition, I was just throwing some ideas out for cheap places you can buy from (or even price a mattress and bed as low as possible and send him the links)

VioletBam Tue 02-Aug-16 13:50:29

God YANBU! Don;t let her go till' he's got her a bed! She's got a condition that means this is unacceptable!

mrsfuzzy Tue 02-Aug-16 13:55:00

another great father on mn ! tell him to get his finger/ bed out for his dd or she can't stay over. no court is going to find in his favour over the current situation apart agree that he's being a complete selfish prick, if money is the problem why hasn't he saved a bit towards a bed over the past year ?

mrsfuzzy Tue 02-Aug-16 13:56:16

before anyone calls me sexist, there seem to be a lot of 'great fathers' on here neglecting their dcs.

KittensandKnitting Tue 02-Aug-16 13:58:42

Maybe he should be sleeping on the blow up mattress and DD should be sleeping in his bed.

andintothefire Tue 02-Aug-16 14:00:39

That is terrible! I can't imagine how he thinks that is ok - it is just lazy and uncaring. I agree that I would not let her go overnight again until she gets a proper bed.

iloveberries Tue 02-Aug-16 14:00:43

What kittens said.
YANBU

Does she have a spare room? If so she should have a proper bed. If not her dad should give up his bed when she is there

lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 14:01:39

No, money is not an issue! He earns 50k and is presumably paying storage fees on her bed. He has a bed for her, he chose to put it in storage when he moved

NeedACleverNN Tue 02-Aug-16 14:04:01

Blow up beds are fine for a one of case.

3 nights a week going up to 5 and lasting a year? Ridiculous

BerriesandLeaves Tue 02-Aug-16 14:06:32

Not just a blow up mattress but one that deflates overnight. Fabulous.

KittensandKnitting Tue 02-Aug-16 14:08:21

It's not good enough is it at all, he needs to either get the bed out of storage or go and buy one

Why would you let any child with sore joints sleep on a blow up bed that didn't even stay up all night... Is she moaning at him do you know?

ayeokthen Tue 02-Aug-16 14:09:17

A blow up mattress is fine for the occasional house guest for 1 possibly 2 nights, not your own child with a medical condition regularly!

lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 14:09:18

Yes they have the spare room (I have 2 kids) so there is room for beds

lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 14:10:57

Kittens... She has told him... But I don't know what was said, I'll find out when I get home. She doesn't have the confidence to address the issue more than once.....

KittensandKnitting Tue 02-Aug-16 14:15:21

That makes it even worse, he needs to get her a bed.

Its awful you are even having to have this discussion with him, the mind boggles!

lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 14:20:40

Yep. What's worse is one child has a mattress on the floor and the other has a blow up.... They both have the medical condition (which he fails to undetstand/consider). If I were to suggest he gives up his own bed he would remind me about his bad back..... Not sure what his partner would think..... 2 adults thinking this is OK.....

mouldycheesefan Tue 02-Aug-16 14:28:02

Whether or not a child has its own bed is something SS consider in cases of neglect. It is considered a minimum requirement.

lightshaddows Tue 02-Aug-16 14:31:35

Can you point me to somewhere that's states that mouldy? Please

SheHasAWildHeart Tue 02-Aug-16 14:43:47

Refuse to send her to his house until he sorts out adequate sleeping arrangements.

KittensandKnitting Tue 02-Aug-16 14:51:47

Its awful!

If he couldn't physically afford it, then there is help out there. The fact he has their beds in storage, is disgraceful!

It is just not the sort of discussion you want to be getting into at all, nor you would expect too.

Children need beds it's quite simple really!

cestlavielife Tue 02-Aug-16 15:01:39

see page 6
www.sleepcouncil.org.uk/pdf-downloads/the_good_night_guide_for_children.pdf

dont send her til she has a bed.

KittensandKnitting Tue 02-Aug-16 15:03:32

You can't just stop access for a NRP if it's court ordered that opens up a massive can of worms! I agree this man is an idiot but it's not a route to take as lightly as some people suggest on MN.

how to resolve it I have no idea! I guess somehow you have to make this man come to his senses and would agree if you can find the evidence that beds have to be provided that is the best way forward.

Kit30 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:09:32

Is he settled where he is? Any reason not to unpack/ get stuff out of storage?
Can you come st this issue sideways? Like saying how much did would love to have 'her' room decorated and how much it'd help her to settle there and feel special/ loved after all the upheavals if he made that effort for her? Bed should come out of storage? Just thought it might be a way of avoiding the blame game which is usually counterproductive anyway. Apologies if you're no longer on speaking terms

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