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To be completely ignored by a friend

(108 Posts)
dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 11:57:24

I've been friends with a guy who works in a local shop selling film memorabilia /DVDs etc for around two years. I often pop in with the hubby and have a little chat with him.We share the same taste in film and happily have a good old chin wag .He was genuinely warm and welcoming and we shared our opinions and stories about film and music... It's purely platonic, a friendship based around our shared interests and silly sense of humour! He often manages to get rare bits and bobs for me, and I usually pop in once a month to pick them up/have a little catch up.
Just lately though he's been behaving rather odd...I messaged the shop about an item and he never got back to me...thinking he'd maybe overlooked the message I sent him another a couple of weeks later but still no reply. I passed him in the street the other day and he could barely speak...he looked really displeased to see me and just about managed a hi.I could understand if i'd been overbearing or made a nuisance of myself but I truly haven't! It's all so strange...I genuinely loved going in the shop for a browse and a catch-up but I daren't go in anymore...he's made it more than clear the friendship is over! I sent him one final message saying I hoped all was well with him and he never replied so I won't be in touch again...It's really hurt me so much and made me feel like I was being a nuisance or overbearing in some way, but I really wasn't ...It's really upset me to the point it's dragging me down...Am I being unreasonable in feeling like this? Should I just let it go?

ApocalypseSlough Tue 02-Aug-16 12:01:04

Has he been like that only since he met your DH? Maybe he thought there was potential for more than friends and is now embarrassed and is backing off.

SaucyJack Tue 02-Aug-16 12:01:45


Have you been sharing Britain First posts on FB?

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:02:43

No Apocalypse, he knew I was married the first time we met, as is he.

Funko Tue 02-Aug-16 12:03:14

Is it possible he no longer works there (got fired) and he's actually embarrassed?

CaptainCrunch Tue 02-Aug-16 12:03:43

He's not exactly a friend op, he's a guy who works in a shop you go in now and again. I think you're reading far too much into it. His current weird mood probably has nothing to do with you. He might just perceive you as a customer who he finds a bit over friendly. I wouldn't waste time worrying about it.

echelon Tue 02-Aug-16 12:03:48

Ask him outright. If he's a friend he ought to be able to be honest with you in a grown up manner, instead of giving you the silent treatment.

bitemyshinymetalass Tue 02-Aug-16 12:04:55

He's just a guy who works in a shop you go to, you seem to be turning it into something much bigger. Maybe he felt uncomfortable, you do sound kinda intense?

Hadenoughoftumble Tue 02-Aug-16 12:05:24

Oh that's really sad.

If it was me, and I thought the friendship was over, I would go to the shop and just ask outright what I had done wrong. The not knowing would drive me insane and I would feel like I had nothing to lose if he had already made it clear that the friendship was over.

There's no chance that your dh was jealous and had a 'word' with him or something is there?

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 02-Aug-16 12:05:27

I'd go in and say 'Is something wrong? Have I done something to upset you? Because it feels like there is something wrong, and I'd like to resolve it if possible.'

If he says nothing or says 'No, nothing wrong' in a snappy way then you can chalk it up to experience and never go in there again. At the moment you don't want to go back anyway so it's not like you're changing the situation much.

On the other hand he could give you a proper response and the situation could be resolved. I'd hate not knowing, it would drive me doolally.

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:09:01

I wouldn't say I was overfriendly , only as friendly as he was!He suggested we should compile our top 100 films and compare notes so I messaged him to say mine was ready and I never heard anything back.You're right though...I should just let it go...

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:13:54

I'm concerned I'm coming across as a bit of a weirdo and too intense but it wasn't like that...I was never intense or overbearing, it was just a genuine shared interest ...just swapping notes and sharing a laugh...

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 02-Aug-16 12:18:25

I don't think you sound weird op; you thought you were friends and behaved in keeping with that, then he backed off for no apparent reason. Most people would be confused at that!

Birdsgottafly Tue 02-Aug-16 12:18:33

Perhaps he's got other stuff going on within his marriage and he doesn't want any suspicion being thrown at your friendship.

AlpacaPicnic Tue 02-Aug-16 12:21:31

My first instinct was that he's developed a bit of a crush on you and is trying to ignore you to make it go away because he knows it's not appropriate, or his wife/husband has said something about 'that customer you keep talking about' and they don't like it.

It's not strange that you've made a friend of someone you see in a shop like that though. DH is in a similar job and has been for decades, and a lot of our friends now are people he's met through work that have shared interests.

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:23:02

Thanks LaContessa...I will message him...I need to know so I can at least hopfully get some closure and move on...I was honestly never intense or overbearing, it was all very innocent and a bit of fun regarding our love of film...

Teddy1970 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:24:25

Perhaps his wife isn't keen on him being pally with you? Daft I know, but it has happened.

peppercold Tue 02-Aug-16 12:25:44

I'd call in instead of messaging him.

LobsterQuadrille Tue 02-Aug-16 12:26:26

Maybe his wife had a "hunch" and went through his phone or emails and decided that he was being over-familiar with you and asked him to cease contact? Maybe he's the same with other customers too and his wife didn't like it? Maybe he has history for cheating? Maybe he's going through a really rough time and just doesn't feel at all sociable?

There are loads of possibilities but either you ask him outright (and risk not getting a clear or satisfactory answer anyway) or you move on and chalk it up.

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:27:50

Thank you for your lovely words Alpaca...I was beginning to feel like I was a little bit odd for striking up a friendship with him...He's a lovely guy and the hubby and I loved to have a chat and a laugh with him and I miss his daft sense of humour ...I very much doubt it about the crush though...

eddielizzard Tue 02-Aug-16 12:27:54

i don't think you did anything wrong. it's his issue - although i wouldn't contact him again. sad really, and he's just lost a good customer.

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:30:20

Thanks, did cross my mind about his was all completely innocent, no attraction there whatsoever but you could have a point...I'm going to drop by next time I'm in town...

MadamDeathstare Tue 02-Aug-16 12:30:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dollyholly123 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:31:18

Thanks, Eddie, I just want to know what I did wrong...

Ditsy4 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:33:27

Have you tried going in there with your DH? Maybe be get a different reaction.
My thoughts were that maybe DW wasn't happy.
I would go in and ask him a casual " Have I said something to upset you."
I would ke wondering otherwise.

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