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To have expect a bit of sensitivity from DH?

(60 Posts)
user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 11:57:13

My uncle recently passed away after the same illness that I lost my Mum to, DH was with me throughout both illnesses, and knows how upset I have been. Funeral will be on Weds and DH has the day off work. I assumed that he would spend the day with DD, rather than have her at the childminder but he still wanted to send her for some time - fair enough, we all need some time to catch up on things / do personal stuff.

HOWEVER, even though I am travelling 2.5 hours to the funeral, and therefore needing to leave at 7am in order to get there, he's still insisting that I get up and take DD to the childminder for that time in the morning before I go so he doesn't have to. I would normally be doing that on a working day but I am going to a fucking funeral! So sorry that my family member dying might cut into your "you" time. I am really angry about it.

AIBU to think it might have been nicer for firstly DD to be able to stay in bed a little longer when there's no need for the early morning, but also to take away just a tiny bit of stress on what will be a very hard day for me??

ayeokthen Tue 02-Aug-16 11:58:49

YANBU, he is being a dick.

user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:15:16

Yeah, that's what I thought. How depressing.

Karmin Tue 02-Aug-16 12:17:55

What a twat

ayeokthen Tue 02-Aug-16 12:17:59

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time OP, sounds like a wee bit of consideration would have gone a long way. Also, when do you get "me time"?

ParadiseCity Tue 02-Aug-16 12:18:11

He is horrible. Why isn't he going to the funeral with you?

DoinItFine Tue 02-Aug-16 12:19:43

If your kid is at childcare, why isn't he going with you?

He is really being a dick.

You've just lost your uncle.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

HeyMacWey Tue 02-Aug-16 12:20:06

He is being a dick.

Agree with pp. He should be supporting you by going to the funeral.

Is he usually this unsupportive?

Amelie10 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:20:31

Yanbu, he should be dropping her off and coming along with you. Why has he taken the day off if he is going to be useless.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 02-Aug-16 12:23:31

Well he can't physically force you to take her.
Just leave at 7am to go to funeral as planned and he either has to take her himself, or keep her at home.

He's still a dick though

user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:24:10

I apparently get "me" time on the train going to and from work each day, it's 1.5 hours there and the same back door to door. I think he thinks that because he gets up an hour earlier than me for work he's working harder - even though I'm out of the house for 12 hours a day and he's home after 9 hours.

He's not coming as someone needs to be around to collect DD after childcare, and to be honest after losing Mum less than 3 years ago I really just want to go with my sister. It would be less support for her if he came. I've been with him 5 years but they don't spend a lot of time together really and it will be a hard day.

user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:27:22

Having said that, it would have been nice for him to have offered. And, when I suggested he take DD that day his response was "well I've got things I need to do too you know!". Not going to a funeral though is he? He's talking about going to the gym!

You're all right, he is a dick. His only real concern is if I'll be back in time for him to go and play football that evening, or does MIL need to come to look after DD. Can't stand MIL - what a lovely welcome home that will be. FFS.

HeyMacWey Tue 02-Aug-16 12:27:37

I think you just need to say 'no'.
If he wants your DD to be at the childminders really then he can be the one getting up and taking her there.
Sorry that you're not getting the support you need at this difficult time flowers

DoinItFine Tue 02-Aug-16 12:29:47

His only real concern is if I'll be back in time for him to go and play football that evening

confused

He does know that you will be having a long and very difficult day?

Why isn't he more worried about his grieving wife?

Amelie10 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:30:57

Wow what a selfish idiot he is op!
The day should be about how he could support you and fit whatever else he needs to do around that . Sorry about your lossflowers

AnyFucker Tue 02-Aug-16 12:33:54

Your husband is a first class prick

petalsandstars Tue 02-Aug-16 12:37:56

Don't take her - he is being a dick.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 02-Aug-16 12:39:20

Everyone has said it. He's a prick.

So sorry for your loss.

trafalgargal Tue 02-Aug-16 12:39:52

Just leave....let him sort her out.

honeylulu Tue 02-Aug-16 12:40:14

Just say no. Just go. He can do the drop off.

logosthecat Tue 02-Aug-16 12:41:09

sad It is dick-like behaviour to act like that even when there are no other circumstances. To do it when someone is grieving is horrendous, unsupportive, selfish and uncaring.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead Tue 02-Aug-16 12:44:49

He's sounding worse and worse.. He really doesn't give a shit OP and is more concerned about his own needs, on a day when you're going to be feeling upset. He should be making the day easier for you so you don't have to worry about anything at home.

PersianCatLady Tue 02-Aug-16 12:44:52

He is being a twat, you have more important things to think about on Wednesday.

Do you want me to come round your house and put him straight?

user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:45:39

I feel better having vented, and been agreed with. He made me wonder because he seemed so shocked when I mentioned it might be easier if he took her.

Thank you all for the sympathy, it has actually helped. Never posted before, just lurked and read, didn't realise how helpful it would be to me.

I am going to take her myself, not to help him but to ensure she gets there without having had Wotsits for breakfast - it could happen. And then I'm going to switch my phone off and forget about him until I'm home. I won't forget this though, and wait until he needs me to do something for him.

user1468847082 Tue 02-Aug-16 12:46:56

PersianCatLady I'm sure he wouldn't know what hit him! wink

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