This is such a long story, but l will try to be as concise as possible.
DH and I met when we were very young (teenagers) and my ILs, or rather my SIL seemed to take an instant dislike to me. Nothing major, just lots of little things which made me aware she wasn't all that keen on me. For example, frosty smiles when I said something to her, avoiding being around every time we visited and everyone was kissing / saying hello. When greeting me was unavoidable, she would say "hi" and then immediately start talking to someone else, even if that meant shouting into another room so we never did the whole "how are you" stuff. She would ask her brother (not DH) to ask me things, like if she wanted to borrow something, so that she wouldn't have to talk to me. All small things and nothing really nasty or anything but just which made me think she didn't like me. I initially thought she might be painfully shy but soon noticed she was only that way with me. I got on OK with everyone else, but they certainly never warmed to me much, except maybe MIL who is absolutely lovely and I think incapable of disliking anyone or being disliked.
Anyway, now DH and I have been married 5 years and have a DD. SIL and I are a lot more friendly to each other, but I just sense there is still an underlying dislike. PILs see a lot of her and her 2 DCs and not as much of us. I understand it, as I can't drive, so don't go to see them on my own. When DH is here, he will take us to see them, but that is at the weekend when SIL is usually there too and I just find it uncomfortable. PILs have come to see us on their own before, but I don't think they really enjoy it or feel as at home here as they do when they go to SIL's house, (they do regular childcare for her as SIL works PT, as does MIL). They seem to like to leave our house early and don't like to stay over whereas they do stay at SIL's quite frequently. We are about the same distance from them and, because we have fewer children we have a guest room where SIL doesn't, so it's not that.
We were at my PILs a couple of weeks ago. SIL and DH's uncle was there too. PILs and DH were busy prepping dinner, so it was just the uncle, SIL, all the DCs and me. It was just exhausting. I just got short answers from SIL and the uncle would leave the room, when I came into it. This same uncle sometimes used to whisper to MIL when I was there and it was always a bit . We were there for what felt like forever and I just wanted to go home.
None of them has ever done anything bad to me at all, they just don't seem to like me very much.
So, wibu to just give up? I would like them to keep seeing DD or even seeing her more if they wanted, but wibu to just ask DH to take her on his own? I think they'd all have a much better time without me and I think I'd have a better time on my own.
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AIBU?
To stop trying to get my ILs to like me?
23 replies
SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 01/08/2016 15:29
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