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AIBU to be p***ed off at STBXH and school hols?

(19 Posts)
inabizzlefam Sun 31-Jul-16 23:09:27

So have been living apart from STBXH since March.
During this time he has (grudgingly) paid £75.00 per week for 3 DCs (I specifically asked for £90.00) and has seen them Friday at 6pm till Sunay at 10.00 am. This has been a bit hit and miss where he has had date nights and golf so has had to cancel DCs visits. I am a bit pissed off about this as he is obviously putting his social life above his DCs.
Anyway, the main gripe I have is that he has refused point blank to have the DCs during the school hols. He is self employed and has a pretty sucessful business whereas I am only just starting out as self employed and really need to plough as much time as possible into the business.
STBX states that he pays me £75 per week to "look after his kids" and he shouldn't be expected to do more with them in the school hols.
AIBU?

queenofthepirates Sun 31-Jul-16 23:11:39

No of course not! He's being a twunk but there' s not a great deal you can do about it.

amy85 Sun 31-Jul-16 23:15:30

No yanbu....but unfortunately he doesn't have to help as they aren't his contact days...he's an idiot tho you would think he would want to spend time with his kids but that doesn't seem to be a priority for some

RB68 Sun 31-Jul-16 23:15:39

you need to formalise contact and make sure that includes division of holidays then his bit of the holidays he needs to sort care for. Or alternatively bill him for holiday club rates as he seems to think this is the business you are in

BITCAT Sun 31-Jul-16 23:16:54

They are not his kids they are yours and his therefore the care of the children as well as financial is also his responsibility.

SalemsLott Sun 31-Jul-16 23:17:40

Yanbu, have you considered going to CMS ?

QuackDuckQuack Sun 31-Jul-16 23:18:55

Is he paying an additional £75 a week in the holidays or is that the total he pays? How does what he pays compare to the CSA (if its called that) minimum?

Anyway - yes he's being unreasonable. £75 would cover 1 day's holiday childcare for my two. And you're not a (dirt cheap) nanny anyway. How far does he think £75 can get you. Assuming you are setting up a proper business - not a crappy FB selling one or similar - then you should be having an equal split of responsibility.

Shezza71 Sun 31-Jul-16 23:20:41

YANBU it drives me crazy that dads that are given the opportunity to spend time with their kids don't want yo know when there are so many that have to battle for every minute they get
I also think if you need to work during the holidays and he doesn't want to have them he should pay extra towards childcare costs
Good luck

inabizzlefam Sun 31-Jul-16 23:22:36

I know for a fact ( after many years of marriage) that he can pretty much work what days he wants so time off work is not the issue.
We agreed verbally to the Friday till Sunday split so is it possible for me get my solicitor to put something in about school holiday access that enables me to work from home without losing CM payments?

BITCAT Sun 31-Jul-16 23:26:00

I've just Googled Csa and if he is earning 500 per week he would be expected to pay 95.00 per week. 400 76.00 per week..300 57 per week.
I think he is paying a fair amount. My x pays 25 per week for 3 kids..was 4 but my eldest is now almost 18 and is paying his own way. I know he should be paying more but the atmosphere it would cause is not worth it for the kids. And ultimately they would suffer.

Shizzlestix Sun 31-Jul-16 23:32:22

What does he do? Cos every workman I've ever used has charged minimum £200 a day, so I think what he's paying you is derisory.

inabizzlefam Sun 31-Jul-16 23:44:48

For me it's not so much about how much CM he pays, it's more about the time. I have to find money all week to keep them in food ( which is much higher in the hols), however I also have to spend more in cinema trips, swimming, soft play, days out, food for picnics, etc. what really gets me is time. I really need to be sorting out my new business, not farting about all day, five days a week in a park or cinema or swimming pool Whilst he, having paid his CM has a full week to play golf, socialise every every evening, buy food solely for himself, knowing that I am struggling to set up a new business having spent many years being full time SAHM, whilst his business has grown and is now established to the point wher he can pick and choose his hours.

Oswin Sun 31-Jul-16 23:52:02

What a fucking piece of shit he is! I would go through the cmo op, I would bet my last penny he is under paying.

BITCAT Sun 31-Jul-16 23:54:19

I understand that OP cause I'm the same. It's less about the money for me. I'd just rather he took the kids out and spent time with them. I just thought that maybe you could use csa as a bargaining tool to try persuade him to pull his weight with regards to the childrens care during the holidays. As if he is earning that much you would be within your rights to ask for more cm...and I know that's not what you want but it might give him a nudge in the right direction.

inabizzlefam Sun 31-Jul-16 23:59:24

Problem is Oswin, he is self employed so could make his income look low to get round paying CM at correct amount.
Am already in contentious divorce. He is living it up in family home ( big detached, garden, nice area), refusing to sell.
Me and 3 DCs in a 2 bed terrace, no garden, shit area, miles from schools, friends, etc. So hard atm trying to get the business going to move us somewhere better.

blondieblondie Mon 01-Aug-16 00:10:54

What a selfish git.

BITCAT Mon 01-Aug-16 00:28:22

Oh and yanbu, he is though.

ImissGrannyW Mon 01-Aug-16 01:56:02

Have you done the obvious, and pointed out the importance of spending TIME with YOUR children?????

ImissGrannyW Mon 01-Aug-16 01:57:03

If you have, and if he still isn't interested, then screw the fucker and do what you can to make life better for you and yours in any way you can, because he's a wank-nut!

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