Concealing (early) pregnancy to friends, AIBU?(62 Posts)
Found out I'm pregnant last week, DH & I are absolutely thrilled etc. I'm currently approx 5 weeks & only one of my Sils knows (drunken excited big mouthed DH... ).
Planned to say nothing until 12 weeks or so. Have a few weddings between now & then, but should manage fine 'hiding' it at them. I also have a night away with friends in 3 weeks which is likley to be very boozy. Its an annual overnight shopping trip we take & involved wine with lunch & continues really until the early hours with plenty of food & drinks all night. I usually enthusiastically take part, but obviously can't drink this year. I was initially going to cancel, using some last minute excuse but for a number of reasons I feel that I need to still go.. They're likley to immediately guess why, if I'm not drinking and I don't want to feel pressure to 'fess up at this early stage. The old' I'm on antibiotics' won't wash... Guess I'm looking for advice on how to get through it fooling them, or a very good excuse for not drinking that might be plausible. Any tips would be welcome!
Any excuses for not drinking are implausible imo.
The only person who notices what you drink is you (honestly). So if you have to order an alcoholic drink just tip it away/lose it and fake sip it in the meantime. When you can, order a drink for yourself without the alcohol (tonic water for example) and nobody will notice
If you're on dental antibiotics that is definitely a good enough reason not to drink - you could start feeding the story about a week beforehand with a dental visit etc.. However that is lying so
I dunno in short - we kept my pregnancy secret from most until 12 weeks but we did tell our closest friends who frankly are the only ones we really drink with regularly. Other people expect me to either drink tonnes or drink nothing and as my first trimester was in the darker more miserable months it was easier to conceal!
It's entirely possible you will get morning sickness so not feel up to going away anyway.
Personally I would either tell them or not go. But I know I would end up telling everyone, then they would know before close family. I can't really hold my own water
I doubt anyone will take notice of what you do or don't drink at a wedding though.
If you have a "bout of food poisoning" timed for a few days before the night out, you'll be perfectly well enough to have a night out but your tummy will really only feel well enough to stomach quite plain food and you really just don't fancy alcohol. Needs a bit of acting skill but you'll manage.
It's perfectly reasonable to conceal this till you are ready.
Start doing a sponsored "Dry August" now. Post on Facebook. Set up a sponsorship link.
Gives you a plausible excuse and raises some money for charity at the same time.
People always overthink this. Its only when you make a big hoo-ha about not drinking that people notice anyway, others aren't thinking about it much. Just drink tonic without the gin, or coke without the vodka, alcohol free beer, whatever. Don't mention anything, and no-one will notice.
I had a weekend in Dublin with friends booked for when I was five or six weeks pregnant. I had an inconvenient kidney infection. Nobody guessed.
They will work it out and will or won't say anything to your face depending on how polite they are!
Antibiotics is a known trick, as (now) is ordering alcoholic drinks and not drinking them!
Just remembered I had a holiday for a week with my massive extended family. They were far too interested in third own drinking to notice. But then again I went on a one night hen do with sister and I guessed she was pregnant straight away. But I also had a Stilton giveaway. She loves Stilton.
Could you get a soft drink - cola, tonic water, etc - and then pretend it's got vodka / gin in it and nurse it for hours?
Thanks all - deathstare, that's a really good suggestion.. Thanks. I'm not actually on Facebook but could still work. I should have clarified - the evening part takes place in a house where we all stay, usually order in & drink whatever we've stocked up on that afternoon... I could possibly pretend to be drinking & having water etc but I reckon they'd cop it. I feel like I may just tell them to cut out the 'deceit' but frankly that's sort of what happened last time (big night out) & I really felt telling them (although it all worked out fine) was too early & for the wrong reasons. Its ridiculous really. I'm happy enough that nobody will notice anything at the weddings, but the confines of a house with a small group is another thing.
Would you want their support if (God forbid) the worst happened? If yes, share your good news and let them be happy for you
The way I thought about it was, if the worst was to happen before the 12 week mark, who would I tell? And I only 'leaked' the news to those people early. If your shopping trip friends are people you'd be able to trust to tell in the event of the pregnancy not continuing, then why wouldn't you let slip? You don't have to confirm or deny anything, not drinking will be enough of a giveaway. Bedsides, is this DC1 or more? Because with DC2 I was blatantly showing by 7 weeks and wouldn't have been able to hide it to the dustman let alone my best girlfriends on a shopping trip!!
I would just tell them TBH. I don't really understand why you wouldn't and like GeoffreysGoat has said my theory was if anything happened I would end up telling close friends anyway so it made no sense to keep it a secret.
20 weeks before I told anyone. Really it's easy. No lies, just a bit of enthusiasm for starters other than pate for me (i'm known to love it). I did lots of not drinking tricks, booking an early appointment for dentist for eg after a night out, so I wasn't staying = had to drive.
Lots of drinking half of my lemonade at the bar, drinking just tonic or popping past the bar in restaurants and ordering a mocktail. But looks like a cocktail.
Tiredness, blamed on hard weekends/ late nights. I didn't have lots of morning sickness. That might be harder to hide.
id go with urinary tract infection. Make a big deal of having to maybe cancel as you are in pain a few days beforehand.
Then just take it easy.
Don't try to hide it, it's impossible esp with wine (if cocktails/spirits you can get away with having just tonic rather than g&t etc).
Once the sickness and exhaustion kicks in you may not feel like going anyway. I know I could never have coped with a long day of shopping and eating and staying up until the wee hours in the first trimester.
She might not have any sickness or exhaustion. Many don't.
Had the same experience with weddings, races, birthdays and dinners during my first 12 weeks. My experience was this. So long as you have a glass of wine in front of you at a dinner or wedding nobody notices that you don't actually touch it. Make a pact with your other half to polish off drinks. Arm yourself with ginger ale which looks just like champagne in a glass. Drink non alcoholic beer from a glass. I always enlist a friendly bartender. As for the weekend away arrive "hungover" and use all your tricks. There comes a point of drunkenness in others when they cease to notice. House parties are easy as you can help yourself to drinks. I find I enjoy these things just as much without drinks than I did with them. Never thought that was a sentence I'd ever say of myself.
If you tell just one trusted friend it can help when buying rounds then you can buy one coke and one vodka coke ask bar man to make it look same it worked for me . At hen night I had 'vodka' and lemonade, lager in glass ie no alcohol lager and cocktails and know one else knew
We got to 20 weeks with no one guessing, staying in - fake it, lots of apple juice with lemonade in a champagne flute. Eating out - speak to a friendly bar manager or waiter to assist in swapping drinks when out, or taking drinks back to the bar saying it's not right!
You might not feel like all the food either when the time comes...
I had a prearranged cocktail making session to go to for my friends birthday 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I said I was on dental antibiotics. They all guessed
Sorry, not much help
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.