To find my 7 year old so massively irritating?(49 Posts)
He's driving me mad. We are awaiting an ASD diagnosis so I know some things he really can't help but they still irritate me beyond belief. He's so argumentative all the time but he's also so ungrateful and demanding. Every sentence is 'I want' 'can I' 'when are we...' He's also started saying 'seriously' all the time and being a pain and then looking at me and going 'whaaaaat?'
Some of his habits are disgusting. He licks his hands and smells them which I find revolting. Everything still goes in his mouth like a toddler. He still soils himself some of the time and won't tell me so he just smells and then denies it when I ask him and then I have to clear him up with him protesting the whole time.
He is incapable of sitting still or shutting up. Everything is full volume and full speed. He wants to fight all the time - not properly to hurt you but he's constantly jumping on me or smacking me or grabbing me and pulling on me.
I take him out for the day and we get home and he wants more. Has to be constantly entertained and stimulated. It makes me feel dreadful as he cant help some of his behaviour I know and I love him so much but I also like him quite a lot more when he's at school five days a week. It's difficult to arrange play dates because of his over the top behaviour and he never gets invited anywhere.
I'm so tired. I know he can't help it but I'm finding it such hard work.
He does sound exhausting and it does sound like you could do with a break. Do you ever have an hour or so that is just yours? A run, a coffee with a book, even the grocery shopping at a push?
My 8 yr old DD has no suspected diagnoses or anything but her attitudes and her "seriously" and stuff do drive me mad at times. She also still wets herself occasionally and will just carry on with wet stinky knickers. It just doesn't bother her! Ugh.
She- of course- has lots of loveliness about her too but YABU to be driven mad!
He might not be able to change some things but you can change what you do for eg when he asks for stuff don't give it unless he uses his manners. Patiently model how he needs to say it if he needs you to as he genuinely might not be sure what is good manners. If he licks his hands he has to wash them straight away if he is violent then give a consistent consequence but also look for the times he's doing this and see if you can help him with alternatives. Is he doing it when frustrated? Help him with the words to express himself. Roleplaying situations is useful. Is he jumping on you as a greeting?(I know kids that do this). Teach him acceptable ways to say hi. If you look on google there are games and activities that can help him develop his attention span so he doesn't need constant entertainment.
Does he like TV or tablets? I've given up pretending that I don't like them. DS1 is a nightmare in the house a lot of the time and this gives him an out. He shuts up and sits still which means I get a break.
No he's not violent really - it's more like wanting to play but not being able to do it properly so sort of attaching people instead. He does it to other children too and he's the size of a nine year old. He doesn't read what people are feeling very well in some ways and I will tell him to stop because he's hurting me but will have to tell him five or six times before he does. He just laughs and thinks it's all a game.
He likes his iPad but I'm not convinced it doesn't make his behaviour worse. It's seems to add to the overstimulation.
You can buy chewable jewellery which you may prefer him chewing on. He sounds like he's constantly seeking physical sensations so try wrapping him tightly in a blanket and applying pressure to see if it helps relax or calm him.
He sounds like he might have some sensory processing issues. When my 6 year old is getting overly touchy/aggressive it sometimes means he needs some sensory input, so I rub/scratch/squash him for a bit. Trampolines, spinning, swings, he needs lots of these type activities to keep him on an even keel.
YANBU. At all. I could've written your first paragraph about my 6.5 year old. Elements of the rest as well, he is always on the go and at excess volume/energy. I find him intensely annoying (though I love him more than anything) too.
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I agree if he is already quite hyper and struggles with other people/unstructured activity Ipads aren't going to help him address those things and may make them worse.
Jigglybum I've seen that film but don't get the reference?
I don't think the Kevin reference is at all helpful here. Why on earth would you post that?
I've read it but find it quite offensive that you are comparing my situation to that of Kevin and his mother. She believes Kevin to be inherently bad. That is nothing like how I feel about my son!
My sons are NT and have always loved play fighting. Having watched them and their friends, it's very hard for them to learn how to wrestle without hurting each other when they're different ages, sizes... There always seems one who doesn't know the unspoken rules and annoys the others. I have no idea what these rules are but NT kids seem to "know".
He sounds very exhausting.
The Kevin reference is nasty, ignore that poster, Doors.
Do try chewable jewelry iirc it's called chewelry
Wrt soiling - this website, eric, has lots of good advice
How long til you see the specialist wrt ASD? Or have you been through the process and waiting for formal dx?
Lots of sympathy
I have 7 year old twins. I have attitude, fighting, none stop noise and argumentative behaviour all the time. I have 'whatever' thrown at me as well as 'mummy is so mean.'Also I have the most lovely cuddles and politeness and games. No answers here but I feel your pain!
Jigglybum that night be the most unhelpful reply I've ever seen on MN. Well done.
OP you sound exhausted and I'm not surprised. Do you have much help from a partner/family/friends? Are there any local holiday club schemes you could get him on, even if just for a day or two?
💐. If I were you I'd ask MN to move this to the SN Board, AIBU is not going to help you one bit.
A lot of 7 year olds are seriously fucking annoying, but your DS is definitely beyond typically annoying. It must be so draining & I definitely understand where you are coming from when you say you like him more in term time.
My plan would be
- buy nice wine and look forward to it after he's in bed.
- organise some activities for the holidays away from me (football week, outdoor adventure week, water sports week - outdoors & active). I'd sell any limbs required.
- look into ALL of the advice re physical release ie massage/hard hugging/squishing
- post loads on the SN board to get advice/preserve my sanity
- do lots of ANY activity that you enjoy together
- look at his diet (and mine)
- look at his sleep habits (and mine)
- write a journal
- buy nice wine, invite friends over, find some space to be ME.
I'd try to REMEMBER that while he's being fucking annoying it must be even harder to be him, than to deal with his behaviour 😥
Op you have my sympathy. Please ignore Kevin reference, just can't believe someone would post that
Tbh I think you need to look for some of the more positive behaviours and emphasise them to yourself .....a lot, because looking at his flaws will drive you crazy and obviously it makes you feel bad. I know our social conditioning tells about how 'wrong' some ASD behaviour is but let's face it we are all capable of antisocial behaviour and what is antisocial changes anyway. The reason we do it is because essentially it soothes our sensory systems or scratches an itch if you like. With ASD that itch can be really fricken itchy and that self stimulating behaviour can be almost a necessity for the over or under developed sensory system.
I think once you get around why your ds is doing these behaviours and focus on his positives and of course get some head space for yourself you will be able to accept it more. Also maybe you can work with him on more 'socially appropriate' behaviours in public as others have said but you need energy and head space for this.
With some sympathy, YABU. He's a little boy with what's looking like sensory issues and autism. You have as much right to be irritated by him as you would by a child with any other disability.
He can't change, but you can and must change your attitude. You're going to have to reframe your view of his behaviour. You have some reading to do.
The out of synch child is a good start.
The soiling - our 7 year old is like this too. He's on regular laxatives or he keeps the stools in because he likes the sensation.
To add, we have a gym ball, and a trampoline and when we need him to settle down before an event he HAS to go anc burn out some energy or get physical feedback. We also found weighted therapy to be almost miraculous.
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