Mil not listening to me re DD's food

[Ohsotired123]

There is a back story but I don't want to go into all that as I would be typing for a very long time.

To keep it brief, mil hasn't had the most respect for me especially since DD was born. I find her possessive, over whelming, patronising and undermining, all as a result of her remarks, actions and the way she has treated me since DD has been born.

I didn't want her to have DD when I returned to work because of this behaviour. It's trial and error atm.I've been back at work for 10 weeks and already there have been a couple of issues.

The latest is, and this is where I need some advice from you guys as to if im over reacting; my DD is 11 months and she's been giving her fruit in large lumps instead of thin slices like I asked.

One of the weeks I sent DD with a box of strawberrys that I had cut up into thin slices. She only has 4 teeth all at the top, so i bear that in mind when preparing her food.

A couple of weeks later I go round and dd has an entire strawberry in her hand. Mil Appears to be gloating when she explains she's already eaten 2 of these while strawberrys and one cut in half.(still quite big)I was a bit shocked as id previously sent round strawberrys sliced up as she knew, I also told her that she can eat fruit now but that it must be cut into fine slices. I told her that I always cut strawberrys up and don't give them to her whole. She nodded and that was that.

Exactly one week later I go round and I collect DD at the same time each week. Just as I walk through the door DD has largely cut bananas on the highchair table. Mil slices the banana info circles but not thin ones, so these were quite big chunks. Again I was shocked as she knows I've told her DD can have fruit as long as it's in thin slices. She's also been at my house and commented on the fact that I half and then quarter banana slices for my DD to eat. Also as I told her a couple of weeks previously that strawberrys shouldnt be given whole as I am worried about choking I thought she wouldve listened.

I told my mil that DD can eat cucumbers as long as the skin is removed and it is in thin slices. My SIL works in a nursery and is very opinionated, mil and her are best of friends and always talk to each other so I know this has been discussed. Today mil dropped into a conversation that she gave DD cucumber in cubes the other day. I know this was said deliberately because SIL is sitting there and then sil is like 'yeah she can eat what ever u eat now can't she, she's got teeth'.

I am irritated that she isn't listening to my instructions with regards to how to offer fruit and veg as finger foods etc. Is it me?! I don't think dd should be eating large chunks of stuff, I think it's actually quite dangerous and potentially a choking hazard. I know every one has a different take on this.
My friend gives her 10 month old cherry tomatoes whole and she has 1 tooth, it horrifies me but I dont say anything because I'm Not the parent.

I feel she should be listening to what I say! Instead she deliberately isn't.

[NoCapes]

Honestly, and I don't mean this nastily, but you sound a bit ridiculous

[Chippednailvarnishing]

If you don't like what she does, pay for childcare.

[ItchyFoot]

In the nicest way yabu about the fruit. Half a strawberry is fine for an 11mo. So are circles of bananas. However she's not your dd's kid so she shouldn't be undermining you.

[ItchyFoot]

Cucumber skin is also fine. At that age dd would take bites out of circle slices.

[dementedpixie]

Yes you are overreacting and food doesn't need to be in thin slices

[Ohsotired123]

Lol! That made me chuckle. Care to explain what is ridiculous?

[gamerchick]

Is there anything else aside from the food? What you've listed is either a clash of clans or there is other stuff. I'm of the as long as a kid eats and is loved, cared for school of thought.

[yaaasqueen]

Omg

OP chill out and put your dd in nursery, which I'm sure you'll find fault with too

[blueskyinmarch]

They way she is giving your DD fruit is absolutely fine. You need to try and relax about this. She is not feeding her crisps and biscuits but lovely healthy chunks of fruit. Small children have very hard gums and she will manage just fine.

[MolesBreathless]

Well, your cincerns about the fruit are not evidence-based, but I agree she shouldn't be undermining you.

I mean this kindly, but gave you sought any help for the levels if anxiety you are feeling?

[KatharinaRosalie]

an average 11 month old can handle whole strawberries,bananas or cucumber cubes just fine.
But your child - if you don't like it, you have the right to feed her any fruit in any form you prefer. If you want other people to follow your preferences, I would suggest you find a paid childminder though.

[NeedACleverNN]

You are being pfb

It's actually better to "chip" style your fruit so that they can eat it

Babies without teeth manage very well. Those gums are hard

[AliceInHinterland]

I don't see why she can't just respect what you're asking her to do though. It's not that hard for her just to chop up the fruit.
Some people are worried about choking, others are worried about other things but I can't imagine why she would not just want you to have peace of mind while you are at work.
Can you clearly state 'I don't want DD eating fruit unless it is chopped up very small. I'm worried about her choking and I won't be able to relax unless I know I can trust you to do that'. It's easier said than done but it sounds like she's pushed you into having to be assertive.

[Ohsotired123]

What I don't get is how is can be safe though? To give a baby with 4 front teeth large cubes of rawfruit and veg? It is hard, slippy, not the easiest to chew with gums I can only guess? What if it slipped and lodged in her throat?

[Ameliablue]

I think you are being a bit over zealous about for being too be fun.
Of course she shouldn't be disregarding you but she probably isn't putting the baby at risk so you have to consider if you are willing to stop her looking after the baby as a result.

[mamapants]

You are being OTT I'm afraid.
As much as I would want to respect your wishes I really couldn't be there chopping banana circles into quartets when there is absolutely no need.

[Figgygal]

You are being precious you obviously don't like the woman and this is just another thing you've used to justify that send your dd to proper childcare.....who will also give your child food prepared in ways you wouldn't then what are you going to do?

[QuackDuckQuack]

Fairly standard MN response from me - find an alternative form of childcare. If you pay the piper, you get to call the tune (I assume you don't pay your MIL).

[Notthinkingclearly]

I'm totally with you on this. I have always sliced food very thinly especially under the age of 1. I still halve cherry tomatoes and grapes for my kids now and they are school! Ds had a child in his school very nearly choked on a whole cherry tomatoe. If I were you I would seriously think about changing child care arrangements. I child mind and if a parent has a particular concern even I don't always agree I would always respect their requests. Your mil is deliberately trying to undermined you.

[Lesley1980]

I've been giving mine bananas & stawberries whole even before they had teeth. Their gums are really hard & they sort of munch it until it's soft. Cucumber I peel & quarter so they have long sticks to hold. Grapes & cherry tomatoes I cut.

I think if you put your child in private care they wouldn't slice the veg & fruit like you. You aren't wrong as you are just being careful & doing what you think is best but I don't think what your MIL is doing is that bad.

[FuzzyOwl]

I'd be worried if it was whole grapes or blueberries, but the other fruit is fine as it is being served. However, that is not really the issue here. The problem is that she is undermining what you are asking her to do.

Can you afford childcare?

[NannyR]

I always give fruit in larger chunks - its easier for the baby to grab hold of. Very small pieces are more likely to be inhaled and cause choking. Obviously, small round things like grapes should be chopped and I wouldn't give whole blueberries to young babies (cook or mash them instead).

[HeCantBeSerious]

Have you felt how hard a baby's gums are?

[NeedACleverNN]

Yep.

Smaller pieces= higher choking risk

Larger pieces= chewing the food first

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

Eating chunks of fruit and veg is fine- you need to pay for childcare really. But, tbh, you won't be able to direct a childcare provider like that either. They might nod and smile but that big bowl of chopped strawberries will come out and your DD will get their share

The narrative around this sounds very annoying and is stressing you out so sadly the only real alternative is to find other childcare.

Going back to work is tough so