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DP is furious because friend tried to kiss me

(150 Posts)
deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 02:25:19

Apologies I'm still slightly drunk.

We have just come home from a night out.
We went back to a friend's house and wife was in bed. Whilst dp was in toilet the friend groped me and tried to kiss me. He said he wanted to stick tongue down my throat. I absolutely stopped him and made our excuses to leave
I was in shock and told DP on the way home but now he is furious and we have fallen out.
DP is truly furious - in a way I've never seen before - now I feel shit for even saying anything at all.

This man is a parent of our footie team. DP says now that out eldest won't play for the team and that he will explain to everyone why. I feel this is unnecessary and that we should just deal with like adults.
No need to involve or punish people who were not involved.
I know this man was drunk, saw a side to him tonight that was odd.
Now I feel I shouldn't have said anything but I'd never hold something from dp

What the fuck! ?

DeathStare Sat 30-Jul-16 02:27:55

I think you both need to go to bed and sleep on it. Give yourselves a couple of days to calm down and get over the shock, then agree a time to sit down and discuss how you want to handle it.

deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 02:30:37

That's not a bad idea deathstare. We were in bed but he was being so cold and over dramatic that I came downstairs.
It's the drink and I know it.
I'm just so sad this has happened.
Feels like I should never had said a word.
DP and I would be all loved up right now

faceymcfuckface Sat 30-Jul-16 02:55:52

Why is he angry at YOU?

I agree sleep on it and talk tomorrow. Sober up first smile

I would be very upset though if he continues to be angry with you, who was basically assaulted!

MimiSunshine Sat 30-Jul-16 02:57:58

Of course your DP is furious, your 'friend' sexually assaulted you.
Hopefully the fact you'd be drinking meant he didn't handle his upset at this in the right way.

Talk in the morning when you're both sober, but I hope you're okay, the 'friend' is entirely in the wrong and you had every right to tell your DP.

Don't brush it under the carpet.

faceymcfuckface Sat 30-Jul-16 03:01:16

Sorry, I may have misinterpreted. I read your op as him being angry with you.

He should be angry with his mate of course

Sleep well op and I hope you get it sorted tomorrow

LadyStoicIsBack Sat 30-Jul-16 03:52:56

When you say 'tried to grope you' - do you mean he did grope you but you successfully pushed him away/put a stop to it?

As that isn't a domestic between you and DH; that's sexual assault. angry

Pearlman Sat 30-Jul-16 07:09:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msrisotto Sat 30-Jul-16 07:13:22

He is allowed to be angry - but not at you. So don't downplay what happened, don't undermine his reasonableness for being angry. Hopefully he'll be more rational re: taking your eldest out of the team in the morning.

davos Sat 30-Jul-16 07:17:40

He is angry and drunk. I wouldn't expect a reasonable reaction from him until he has sobered up.

pussinasda Sat 30-Jul-16 07:18:52

i agree with deathstare, let things calm down and talk about it tomorrow.
sounds like everyone had abit too much to drink.
i bet the man will be so embarrassed when he wakes up today and remembers he made a pass at you.--unless hes a seriel groper--

Kungfupandaworksout16 Sat 30-Jul-16 07:21:49

His ego is probably a bit bruised at the fact you didn't tell him in the house so he could confront him. Both sober up and have a proper talk and try and not do rash decisions like the football team.

blinkowl Sat 30-Jul-16 07:27:21

It is absolutely, totally unfair for your DS to have to leave the football team. Hopefully your DH will realise this when he sober up.

deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 11:53:27

Sorry I didn't come back last night. I went to bed put my arms around dp and told him that I understood his anger. We agreed to talk about it another time because we were both drunk and perhaps not in the best frame of mind.

We haven't discussed it this morning and things are fine between us.

Tbh I'm not quite sure what to do about this.

I am of the opinion that we just carry on as is, but just keep this guy at arms length.

Problem is that we are heavily involved socially and I am also very good friends with his wife. Our children play together too.

I cannot believe this has happened.

Moomichi Sat 30-Jul-16 11:56:36

Just keep at the front of your mind that you are not at fault here and neither is your dh for being angry.
The fault is solely at the door of the 'friend'. Was he so drunk that he won't remember it this morning?

24601ButYouCanCallMeValjean Sat 30-Jul-16 12:02:35

So, did the other man keep trying to put his hands on you and kiss you after you said no? If he did, that's assault. If not, it sounds like he was trying his luck. Two very different things.

If it was the second, maybe you and your partner could talk to him privately about it. He may just have been completely rat arsed and be feeling terrible about it today.

If it was the first, I would never want to see him again and he should be leaving the club, not your DC.

deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 12:03:22

It's possible he won't remember. Although he did send me a couple of messages via whatsapp around 3am - nothing bad just asked if we were walking home and then a tongue out face and a wink. I didn't reply

deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 12:08:15

He came up behind me and put his hands on my boobs, I swatted him away and told him to bugger off, as I turned my head to speak to him he tried to kiss me - he got nowhere near.

I got out my seat and in all honesty he looked shocked at himself. He said "I just wanted to stick my tongue down your throat" or words to that effect.

We left pretty much straight away

deathtoheadlice Sat 30-Jul-16 12:12:30

I bet he's mortified.

deVelvet Sat 30-Jul-16 12:14:17

I hope so.

I think we just need to leave it, no point making more of it tbh.
Although I won't be in that position again

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 30-Jul-16 12:16:20

Trying his luck without consent is sexual assault too.

24601ButYouCanCallMeValjean Sat 30-Jul-16 12:19:04

I didn't mean that the way I read it back again.

I meant, trying his luck with a woman he likes, realised she wasn't up for it as well and then backed off. He shouldn't have started off trying to grab you (not very romantic, if nothing else!) but as long as he backed off when you said no...

Berthatydfil Sat 30-Jul-16 12:21:07

I would message him
You sexually assaulted me last night. I have told dp about it so we won't be socialising with you again. I won't be making up excuses about it either if anyone asks so I suggest you tell your wife about it. One final bit of advice if you can't control your urges next time it will be the police not my dp I inform about it.

Mjingaxx Sat 30-Jul-16 12:26:05

Fuck whether he is mortified/was drunk etc. And fuck your husband too, for not only not supporting you but being ANGRY

You have been sexually assaulted. Call the police. Have nothing more to do with the family

Peridotisinvalid Sat 30-Jul-16 12:27:34

Good message Berthatydfil I agree 100%.

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