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To not be sympathetic towards dh?

(125 Posts)
validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:10:43

DH wears contact lenses and has done since I met him 8 years ago. He doesn't particularly take care of them and although they are monthly disposables, he will keep them in for months at a time. He never takes them out, not for showering, swimming or when he sleeps. He doesn't own a pair of glasses.

A few weeks ago he ended up with a bit of a nasty eye infection which lasted a whole week, meaning he couldn't do anything or go anywhere because he had to take out his lenses and he couldn't see. It made him miserable to be around because it put him in a bad mood. This is the second time it has happened this year.

He had a contact lens appointment which he didn't bother to go to because his eye was okay again. He also hasn't ordered some glasses like he said he would.

So AIBU to have been annoyed with him this evening when he tells me his eye is hurting AGAIN?

He obviously thinks I am because he was looking for sympathy but tbh I'm just annoyed at him.

kurlique Fri 29-Jul-16 21:14:08

YANBU he's a twerp for not getting new glasses #DHfail 🤓

PuntasticUsername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:14:16

YANBU. He is being an idiot. How can he be so cavalier with the health of his eyes - he does realise you only get one pair, right?!

And it's daft not to have any glasses at all as a backup. It sounds as if he doesn't want to admit in any way that he has poor vision - maybe he should look into laser eye surgery in the hope of getting it sorted out so he doesn't have to worry about it any more.

monkeywithacowface Fri 29-Jul-16 21:14:56

In my teens I had really poor contact lense habits until I nearly list my eye due to an horrendous infection, now I'm fanatical about following the "rules" with them. Your dh is being an idiot don't give him an ounce of sympathy.

DonkeyOaty Fri 29-Jul-16 21:15:13


He's got two eyes, count 'em: one, two. If he doesn't take care of them it isn't like there's a spare pair in the bathroom cabinet.

Lovewineandchocs Fri 29-Jul-16 21:15:33

Yes I would be annoyed too. I've just got a new pair of glasses as my optician told me I was wearing my monthly disposables too much. Not nearly as much as your DH and I don't sleep in them much. at my last eye test she scared me by telling me that overuse of the lenses would result in blood vessels building up in my eye and I wouldn't be able to wear lenses anymore. He needs to be frogmarched to the optician and told some harsh truths. YADNBU

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:20:49

Phew thank you! I wasn't sure if I had lost perspective due to totm and General hormonal grumpiness.

He says he doesn't like wearing glasses because you have to look through them hmm

He did go for a sight check (3 years overdue) but his eye had healed by then. He says to me "well they never said I can't wear contacts anymore", well they didn't see how bad your bloody eye was!! I know him and he wouldn't have told them he had an infection, no wonder they said he was fine.

HumphreyCobblers Fri 29-Jul-16 21:22:56

He is taking massive risks with his eyesight. He is being a complete idiot.

I would not be sympathetic at all. Good practice around lenses is a necessity, not an optional activity.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 29-Jul-16 21:23:49

He gets one pair of eyes. I hate glasses too, but never taking contacts out will lead to scarring and more frequent infections and he risks causing serious, severe damage.

At the very least he needs to get meticulous about taking them out when around water and replacing them when they are due. And he really should have glasses too, to let his eyes breathe properly and give them a break. If he doesn't, he might be told he can't wear contacts soon enough.

RubbleBubble00 Fri 29-Jul-16 21:25:27

I over wore my contacts and ended up losing some vision in one eye.

Batteriesallgone Fri 29-Jul-16 21:25:33

Yes blood vessels growin over the whites of your eyes is a real risk of over wearing contact lenses.

Contact lenses are permeable but are still physical objects covering the iris and so do reduce the oxygen available to the eyes. If the eyes can't absorb enough oxygen from the air due to being covered your body grows blood vessels to deliver oxygen instead which saves your sight but causes permenantly 'bloodshot' eyes.

Which to be blunt will make him look like an alcoholic or druggie, not a good look in interviews or in general life.

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:27:37

Believe me I have said all of this to him more times than I can remember.

He said that I'm not an optician. No, perhaps not. But I'm not an idiot either.

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:28:29

And yes his eyes are bloodshot most of the time, especially after the last few months. He won't have it to be though.

Batteriesallgone Fri 29-Jul-16 21:29:57

Is he afraid of the opticians? Does he need support to go, maybe needs you with him?

I know people will say he should man up and do it himself. But I was afraid of smears so didn't get one until my DH talked me through my fears, helped me book an appointment and took the day off work to 'help me recover' (basically spoil me and say id been brave). Glad he did as I had abnormalities that needed treating.

Basically, everyone has things they're a twat about and it's often because they are scared. So if you can help him with getting to and taking to opticians, do.

Passmethecrisps Fri 29-Jul-16 21:30:59

My optician withholds my lenses if my health check runs overdue - I am surprised he is still getting lenses.

He is being a fanny and you are completely within your rights to be annoyed.

Eyes are so precious I annoy believe he is so cavalier with them

DeathStare Fri 29-Jul-16 21:31:55

Mine does the same. He's had abscesses on his eyes because of it and still does it.

youwouldthink Fri 29-Jul-16 21:32:35

He is being crazy! I wear daily disposables and often give my eyes a break and wear glasses for a day. Awful case last year of a girl going blind because she wore hers for months!

Batteriesallgone Fri 29-Jul-16 21:32:59

He's probably not pass that's why he's making pairs last months on end

Must be hugely uncomfortable, bordering on painful. I imagine he's difficult to live with and irritable, people in constant pain often are

There must be more to this than laziness

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:34:34

The only thing he is afraid of at the opticians is getting told of because he isn't looking after his eyes properly.

He orders lenses over the Internet, but he will keep the same pair in til they either fall out or start irritating his eyes. I reckon he has kept the same pair in for over 6 months before, but he has been changing them more frequently just recently.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Fri 29-Jul-16 21:38:58

Why don't you call the opticians and dob him in? I would if I knew he wouldn't mention it, it's important and if he was a miserable fucker one weekend with no contacts ask him to imagine what is be like to be blinded for his vanity?!

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:39:04

He has agreed to make another appointment. So that's something I suppose.

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 21:40:34

I thought about calling them myself but I wasn't sure they would discuss him with me, data protection and all.

It's part laziness, part ignorance.

Passmethecrisps Fri 29-Jul-16 21:45:54

So he genuinely leaves lenses in for days without ever taking them out? He must be so very uncomfortable. I slept overnight in mine once and it took my eyes hours to recover my vision.

I wonder why he Is afraid to go if he is so convinced he is doing nothing wrong? He obviously knows deep down that he is being daft. I wonder if he is scared that he will be forced to wear specs?

Cantusethatname Fri 29-Jul-16 21:57:06

I'm amazed that anyone could be so stupid.

validusername Fri 29-Jul-16 22:01:19

So am I can't.

He is livid with me tbh. He is just in a bad mood and says that his eyes just feel tired.

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