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To think that being in a wheelchair or being old ARENT the only resons to need to to sit in disabled seats

(126 Posts)
hiddenaway34 Fri 29-Jul-16 13:36:49

DS 13 was travelling back home on the bus, hed just been out with mates in the city, he was feeling fine in the morining but after just two hours stated to feel really unwell he has Ehlers-Danloss and PoTS and due to sudden weather changes and his friends not letting him have enough breaks he had to come home early. It was busy he sat down in one of the disabled seats, he has really bad joints and i have always told him on busses sit down, as the jolts can make him dislocates (It has befor when he was 9). And he can also collapse when moved suddenly. An older woman came on to the bus and sat in the seat across from him now all the seats were full to which the woman said "You now you have to give that seat up when someone who needs it come on." To which he explains why he needs the seat the woman replies "No you dont, your just being lazy." More people get on the bus and stare at him and talk about him. Only Older People were sitting down in the diabled seats (and him) and they expected him to get up just because "hes young and looked fine." AIBU to think that its not just Older people and wheel chair users that have diabilitys (I dont hink it is but thats what someone on the bus told him!) I just wanted to rant sorry. I was distraught for him he left bus crying and has lost the confidence to go out and it took ages to build it up, because he was always so worried about his conditions. I did try to explain is that this is how people view it sometimes but it didnt make him feel any better.

HunterHearstHelmsley Fri 29-Jul-16 13:39:49

No, poor lad. Some people are unthinking and stupid. I tend to think they judge by their own standards.. So they'd ignore the signs so assume everyone else will too.q

Emochild Fri 29-Jul-16 13:40:09

My dd used to use the disabled seat as she has ASD and anxiety and people sitting next to her or crowding her can cause panic attacks

After someone had a go at her for using the disabled seat she now refuses to use the bus -i'm currently fighting for a funded taxi service to get her to school

NeedACleverNN Fri 29-Jul-16 13:42:40

Without wanting to sound ageist here, some (not all!!) bus pass users get very possessive over the priority seating.

To the point where they will budge pass everyone queueing up to get there first and glaring at anyone who dares to say a word

SecretlyChartreuse Fri 29-Jul-16 13:46:16

PM'ed you my experience.

SecretlyChartreuse Fri 29-Jul-16 13:51:33

But in summary, he needs to be able to say 'I need this seat' and then ignore. Headphones and stare out the window are great for this.

Sirzy Fri 29-Jul-16 13:52:08


If there were seats elsewhere on the bus and he could access them comfortably then fair enough he could also sit there. But if there are no other seats, or for comfort he needs the space then of course he sits there.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 29-Jul-16 13:57:51


I have invisible disabilities and I used to always give up my priority seat to anyone because I felt like I had 'less right'

After a very scary incident last year resulted from standing for too long, I no longer move for anyone.

PickAChew Fri 29-Jul-16 13:58:02

It's not just comfort. It's being able to get on and off the bus without having to navigate bags, plus priority seating has to have poles in reach, which is important with something like Ed's where core strengthis low.

hiddenaway34 Fri 29-Jul-16 14:00:05

Thank you for your messages, i did just want to check i wasnt over-reacting!!

manicinsomniac Fri 29-Jul-16 14:00:28

Awww, YANBU, your poor son.

I do think wheelchair users should always have priority in the folding seats as otherwise they can't be on the bus whereas able bodied people can (should!) give up 'normal' seats for any others with disabilities (or pregnancies, advanced years etc). But OAPS - no way are they any more entitled to the priority seats than anyone else with limited mobility!

RichardBucket Fri 29-Jul-16 14:00:43

YANBU. I think SecretlyChartreuse gave great advice... you can't control how ignorant people will treat your son, so the only thing you can do is help him deal with it.

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond Fri 29-Jul-16 14:03:59

Can I suggest something like an access card...
I have one. It has little symbols on for all of your needs so you can 'prove' you need the space.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

turquoise88 Fri 29-Jul-16 14:04:00


I don't see why an older, not disabled person should have any more priority than your son. Not all old people are disabled?

Imo it's more of a 'respect your elders' thing for some of them. They want to prove a point rather than actually needing to sit down on a disabled seat.

unweavedrainbow Fri 29-Jul-16 14:04:48

I have EDS (use a wheelchair now though which means I have less problems...). He needs a stick! It's a visible outside indicator of disability so noone asks any questions and it acts as a support so it can catch him if he falls/give him support so he can walk further. You can get some really cool ones now-mine is pink and spotty. Does he see peads? It might be worth discussing.

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond Fri 29-Jul-16 14:06:14

(I have EDS too)

MrFMercury Fri 29-Jul-16 14:08:34

I have a disabled travel pass and walk using sticks and still get grief directly or glares and muttering invariably from older passengers many of whom appear to be in better health than me. It makes me feel crap and I have to do my best to ignore them. I really feel for your son. When I've been challenged I've felt distressed and not wanted to list the multiple disabilities I have to justify using the seat. We shouldn't have too.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Fri 29-Jul-16 14:08:41

So sorry for your DS, OP, sounds horrific.
I don't have and direct experience but I think this advice sounds spot on:

But in summary, he needs to be able to say 'I need this seat' and then ignore. Headphones and stare out the window are great for this.

Unfortunately many (stupid, or never having experienced it) people would assume a young 'healthy looking' boy couldn't possibly need the priority seats so I think it would be best for him to learn to assertively say that he needs the priority seats. He shouldn't have to explain his disability but if he can that might get the ignorant people off his back.
I hope he can build up his confidence again. flowers

Dixiechickonhols Fri 29-Jul-16 14:13:01

It is awful. I had a condition which meant I couldn't do stairs at all but looked fine on outside. I got looks waiting for disabled lifts. I'm not sure what the best solution is. Would he be confident enough to say I have a disability I have X and y. I wouldn't have been at 13. Or carry cards to hand to people challenging him - I have a disability this card explains it.

Toddlerteaplease Fri 29-Jul-16 14:14:38

I have MS and was struggling to stand and was told I didn't look disabled. When I said I had MS they quickly shut up!

RichardBucket Fri 29-Jul-16 14:15:27

I had a condition which meant I couldn't do stairs at all but looked fine on outside. I got looks waiting for disabled lifts.

I get looks too. It's difficult being fat and disabled, because people assume I'm either too lazy to take the stairs (or whatever) rather than unable to take the stairs, or that I'm disabled because I'm fat rather than the other way round. In fact I keep my problems a secret from colleagues/friends, and avoid situations where I'll have to use stairs or walk longer than half a mile. It's very life limiting.

Toddlerteaplease Fri 29-Jul-16 14:15:51

IME old ladies are the worst!

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond Fri 29-Jul-16 14:18:18

Yy at people assuming you are disabled by fatness and laziness, rather than fat because you can't fucking move. angry

Topseyt Fri 29-Jul-16 14:21:24

Not at all unreasonable. Poor boy, and at his age it is very difficult to be as assertive as needed.

People just don't get that not all disabilities or injuries are visible.

I myself have a now apparently permanent injury to my right arm, though you would not know from looking at it as it looks normal. I have a non-union fracture to it but all you can see from outside are the scars from the operations I had, which are fading now.

Age is irrelevant too. Your DS is young but that does not stop him having medical problems.

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