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Actually don't know who is BU - drinking and driving with kids in car

(98 Posts)
NoCapes Thu 28-Jul-16 19:48:48

I genuinely can't decide who is being unreasonable on this one

DP won't drink a thing if he's driving the kids after, not even a shandy with a meal
I no longer do because I know it bothers him and I'm just not that bothered about having one if it means him being upset

However my stepdad regularly drinks and drives our children around when they're with my parents, he doesn't get drunk or anything like that, and is always under the limit, but it has always really bothered DP

It recently came to a head with DP flat out refusing to let our DC in his car and I had to follow my parents home with the kids

I just can't decide
Surely the legal limit is there for a reason? Or is DP in the right and we're all being slightly too relaxed on this one?
Who IBU?

davos Thu 28-Jul-16 19:51:12

Yabu and your step dad is.

No one in my family would ever even have one and drive the kids about. Driving kids can be a distraction in itself.

However that's not the point. The point is that your dp isn't happy with it. Presumably he is the children's father. He isn't comfortable with it. I would stand by him on it.

Only1BabyPigeon Thu 28-Jul-16 19:51:32

If it was you refusing to let anyone drive with the dcs in the car and your DH was on the fence about it, I think most people on here would flame your DH.

They're not just your DC. Drink driving is dangerous. Whether the driver is under the limit or not.

Id support your DH with his decision

VoldysGoneMouldy Thu 28-Jul-16 19:52:44

I'm completely with your DP on this one. As a society, we're way too relaxed when it comes to drinking and driving. Even a small amount of alcohol impacts your body and brain. Combine that with driving, and it's just dangerous. Just because there is a legal limit, doesn't mean it's not far preferable to have nothing.

NapQueen Thu 28-Jul-16 19:52:56

I wouldn't drive the car with or without the kids in after a drink.

I'd be very very unhappy if anyone drove my dcs in the car after a drink.

specialsubject Thu 28-Jul-16 19:53:33

Sod everyone else on the road, eh?

Alcohol impairs judgement. How do you know he is under the limit anyway?

Pearlman Thu 28-Jul-16 19:54:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Excusemyfrench Thu 28-Jul-16 19:54:49

You are right the limit is there for a reason and your father isn't doing anything illegal.

HOWEVER he is driving your children and I cant see why he couldn't just not have a drink when he drives them around

I think YABU. If it bothers your DP your father shouldn't have any alcohol when driving your children. He would just be missing out on one drink its nothing.

You should speak to him and side with your husband.

wheresthel1ght Thu 28-Jul-16 19:55:26

Yabu as is your step dad.

I firmly believe that there should be zero tolerance for drink driving. Even a small amount of alcohol effects your ability to drive.

If you condone your stepdad driving after drinking you are quite frankly an idiot.

ThisPasadenaHomemaker Thu 28-Jul-16 19:55:38

You and your stepdad are being unreasonable.

FreedomIsInPeril Thu 28-Jul-16 19:56:22

I have no problem kids and driving UNDER the legal limit. There is a reason its set at that level.
You're going to get three hundred posts saying no-one should even eat sherry trifle before driving the precious cargo though.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 28-Jul-16 19:57:34

Agree with Pearlman

Missgraeme Thu 28-Jul-16 19:57:41

If neither u or your dh drink + drive with the kids in the car u shouldnt allow anyone else to either. Or u may as well!!

NoCapes Thu 28-Jul-16 19:58:16

No not 'sod everyone else on the road' hmm ffs
There is a legal limit, and there are plenty of people driving around after one pint
I don't make the rules so not it is not me saying 'sod everyone else on the road'

And I'd just like to clarify, I'm not actively defending my stepdad and sticking up for him in any way, I've honestly never even really thought about it until DP raised it as an issue
I've just always thought, under the limit, experienced driver, no issue
I would never defend anyone and disagree with DP in front of them, if that's the picture I was painting

TeaPleaseLouise Thu 28-Jul-16 20:00:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cooliebrown Thu 28-Jul-16 20:01:04

The legal limit is there so people can drive in the morning after drinking the night before not so you can have a couple and be fine to drive

BastardDailyMail Thu 28-Jul-16 20:01:10

I wouldn't drink at all when I'm driving. How do you really know what your own personal limit is?
The legal limit is too high in this country - other countries have zero tolerance. Also people's perception of units is skewed as well - I've talked to people who think a glass of wine is 1 unit! (a medium glass of average strength wine is over 2 - a pint of real ale is closer to 3).

I wouldn't let my children go into a car when the driver had been drinking.

Is it really worth the risk just for a glass of beer or wine or whatever?

NoCapes Thu 28-Jul-16 20:11:06

Is that really why there is a limit coolie? I never knew that!

FreedomIsInPeril Thu 28-Jul-16 20:13:25

I don't think thats true. Link please?

dementedpixie Thu 28-Jul-16 20:15:19

Limit is lower in Scotland so it's easier to just not have a drink rather than try to work out if you are under the limit

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Thu 28-Jul-16 20:25:25

I wouldn't let anyone who'd had a drink, then drive either me, DS or anyone I cared about anywhere. Not a chance. I think your DH is absolutely correct and you should get on board with this too.

Interesting point about Scotland - since the limit here was dropped from 80 to 50 there's definitely been a shift from "one won't hurt" to "not going to bother as its a risk I'll be over" thinking - even amongst some of the older, hardened "pint for the road" rural farming types I know that would previously have had a drink then got in the car without thinking twice. People are also definitely slowing their consumption if they have to drive the next morning as there have been very visible road safety campaigns about still being over the limit next day too. It doesn't sound like much of a change, 80 to 50, but I think it's a change for the better.

Wolfiefan Thu 28-Jul-16 20:28:38

How do you know how much alcohol would put you over the limit? How much would impair your judgement? I don't drive tired or after drinking. Why take the risk?

dementedpixie Thu 28-Jul-16 20:31:25

There's no real way to know if you are under the limit and the amount of alcohol will differ between people. Not worth the risk tbh

ChicRock Thu 28-Jul-16 20:31:45

I'm with your DP. If someone knows they're driving children around and they can't forego one pint then they've probably for a drink problem.

DuckAndPancakes Thu 28-Jul-16 20:31:58

What's your opinion on what "under the limit" and "legal to drive" are?

DP and I are both big believers in no drinking whilst driving. The most I've ever had is a cider shandy when I knew I had 4 hours til I was going to drive. It's not worth the risk as far as my license, my life or my kids.

I used to run a pub and know many people who's opinion of "under the limit" and "legal to drive" was not at all that. I also saw and reported people repeatedly drinking and then driving with their kids in the car. They thought it was fine cause they knew their limits and were used to driving after a drink.

Why can't people just not have alcohol when driving? I don't get it.

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