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To think you stick to access!

(10 Posts)
HairySubject Thu 28-Jul-16 13:00:23

I have probably posted a VERY similar thread back in May but I am posting again because I need to rant.... It's happened again!

Ds goes to his dad for contact what was originally agreed, Wednesday overnight and one weekend night. The mid week overnight became mid-week just for tea because he doesn't like taking him to childcare on his way to work. Sometimes if he is seeing his DD from a pervious relationship on another night I am flexible so they can spend time together. If he is caught in traffic I am happy to rearrange at short notice.

The weekend is usually a Saturday night but if he wants to change to a Friday I almost always swap. In fact I can't think of a single time I have said no. The point I am making is I rarely have plans and am always flexible if I don't.

This weekend I have plans, I have a ticket to an event Saturday afternoon/night.

Last night Ex rung at 6 and said he was working late could he have DS today instead. I said yes sure, what time are you picking him up on Saturday?
He said, Oh I am not having him this weekend, I am going away for the weekend.
So I said are you joking me, I have plans on Saturday.
He says well you should have let me know.

Now AIBU or is the onus not on me to let him know I have plans (on the day I am not responsible for our son) but on him to let me know that he is cancelling access?!

AIBU also to think you don't just cancel access willy nilly and if you want to go away when you have contact you should arrange childcare!

The same thing happened in May and I missed out on the event that I had a ticket for. That incidentally was the last time I went out. I really don't go anywhere as I struggle for childcare it just seems so unfair.

whois Thu 28-Jul-16 13:02:05


He should absolutely arrange child care. Arsehole.

soupey1 Thu 28-Jul-16 13:04:34

No YANBU if he wants to not have access he needs to tell you in good time.

Missgraeme Thu 28-Jul-16 13:06:06

This is what happens when u are pleasant to an ex! Always comea back to bite u! Write a detailed schedule and give him it. Say it's non negotiable from now on. What an arse!!

MLGs Thu 28-Jul-16 13:07:54

Yanbu. It looks like you will have to start being less flexible as he obviously takes for granted now that you are the default.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 Thu 28-Jul-16 13:09:05

YANBU he needs to arrange childcare as you would have to - you should've told him???? He should've asked you- think you need to not be as flexible with him!!!

HairySubject Thu 28-Jul-16 13:10:18

You are totally right Missgraeme I have obviously been too accommodating to the point where he just assumes he can do what he wants.

Last time it happened I tried the only if you can't stick to what we agreed then don't bother having contact but that obviously wouldn't have been fair to DS if I had cut contact out of spite obviously.

It is just so frustrating that I he is oh so vocal about his rights to see DS and how I am using DS as a weapon if I don't dance to his tune about letting him see him. But only ever when it suits! where are his rights when it is inconvenient....

HairySubject Thu 28-Jul-16 13:11:21

Sorry about my terrible typing. Just frustrated.

whois Thu 28-Jul-16 13:12:26

It is just so frustrating that I he is oh so vocal about his rights to see DS

Tell him rights come with responsibilities, and you will be dropping DS off at his house for contact on [x] time and it is up to him to sort out alternative arrangements.

purplefox Thu 28-Jul-16 13:37:54

It is just so frustrating that I he is oh so vocal about his rights to see DS and how I am using DS as a weapon if I don't dance to his tune about letting him see him.

Stop letting him control you.
Stop accommodating his requests.
Put the arrangements in writing and if he doesn't want to see your DS on his days then he misses them, they can't be changed as and when it suits him, he should be arranging his life around his son, not opting in and out of having his son as and when it suits him. He'll just continue to do as he pleases if he thinks you're just going to accept it.

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