Was I being rude? I didn't think so ?

(44 Posts)
Embarrassment2016 Thu 28-Jul-16 12:51:03

But of background, I'm quite a hoarder and recently have been trying to declutter.
I do this by bagging things up, waiting a couple of weeks and either adding to them or going through and taking items back out that I thought I didn't want but did. So, there are usually 2-3 bin bags of stuff in my room.

Every month dh takes some to the charity shop. It's a system that's working for me.

My usual cleaner is on holiday so had a different one. She mentioned bags and I said it's fine to move them to hoover it's just stuff for the charity shop and bits I'm de cluttering. She asked if there was kids stuff in there and I said yes and if she wanted it is sort through and give to her next week. All fine. Half an hour later she was saying the bags are really in her way can she move them I said yes.
Then she said she needed to take them downstairs. I said it's fine dh will probably take them at the weekend so fine to move them if she didn't mind the weight of them.

She then put them by the front door and I said I'd move them to the sofa near kitchen and she said "no I'll bring my car round and take them today". I explained I actually still needed to sort through them again. She seemed really put out

She came home and asked why they were on the sofa and he said i should have let her take them? Was I rude not to have? I just need to de clutter my house my way and dos t want to be 'forced' into everything going at once ?

Embarrassment2016 Thu 28-Jul-16 12:52:07

Dh came home not she came home

pasturesgreen Thu 28-Jul-16 12:55:01

No, you weren't. You offered to go through the bags and sort out the kids stuff for her. She was being cheeky!

thewideeyedpea Thu 28-Jul-16 12:55:03

Not Rude at all

Arfarfanarf Thu 28-Jul-16 12:55:49

sounds to me like she wanted to go through them to see if there was anything she wanted and didnt want to wait for you to sort through it.
You werent rude.

Embarrassment2016 Thu 28-Jul-16 12:57:27

Thanks-was just dh's reaction that I should have let her although I suspect just because it saved him taking it at the weekend

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 28-Jul-16 13:01:25

No not rude at all she was bloody cheeky! Do you even know her? She would get nothing from the bags now but then I'm stubborn like that

MapMyMum Thu 28-Jul-16 13:04:14

She wanted to see what else was in there she might like... you have your own system, stick to it if its working! Dont let her knock your confidence

Missgraeme Thu 28-Jul-16 13:09:23

To be fair when stuff is already bagged up its usually safe to assume it's been sorted through already! She ob doesn't know about your hoarding ocd! No offence! Maybe she really needs stuff for the kids and didnt want to wait. Or was worried u might give it to charity in the mean time?

gleam Thu 28-Jul-16 13:18:27

She obviously had a nose and likes the look of your cast-offs! She was being cheeky. You were not rude.

Embarrassment2016 Thu 28-Jul-16 13:22:17

The bags were open so hopefully she would see I hadn't completely finished sorting out stuff
I do t mind at all giving her the kids bits of she wants them I just felt she was being pushy

228agreenend Thu 28-Jul-16 13:24:44

So a cleaner you have never met before was basically helping herself,to,your stuff.

She was the rude one, not you, and I can fully understand why you didn't want to be forced into making decesions (I still regret getting rid Of baby dungaree outfit -baby is now 16). They weren't hers to take.

I would be tempted not to,give her anything either. Just say dh took all the bags to charity shop at weekend!

MadamDeathstare Thu 28-Jul-16 13:26:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trafalgargal Thu 28-Jul-16 13:27:08

Or she might have thought you needed a "push" to get them out of the house (which if there is still a lot more clutter she could see wouldn't be unreasonable) and was genuinely trying to help you. Lots of the anti clutter programmes show hoarders get as far as putting stuff in bags .....then taking it out again !

BitchPerfect Thu 28-Jul-16 13:28:23

YNBU as you do not know her and she is not your usual cleaner.

She wanted to have a nose through and pushed it as far as she could.

Also, its typical of a man to say that because, in his eyes, it would have saved him a trip to the charity shop

pigsDOfly Thu 28-Jul-16 13:32:27

No you weren't being rude at all. Sounds as if she was hoping to get a few freebies. You have your system, if anything she was the rude one.

Having had experience of a family member with OCD Missgraeme I really don't think that the behaviour the OP describes sounds as if it comes into the realms of that particular condition.

EarthboundMisfit Thu 28-Jul-16 13:41:29

Nope, you weren't rude. She wanted your stuff. I wouldn't use her again.

APlaceOnTheCouch Thu 28-Jul-16 13:56:02

You weren't being rude but I don't think she was either. She didn't know your process so probably thought she was doing you a favour by taking the bags (even though she knew she wouldn't want all the stuff). You felt she was rushing you and she probably felt she was the best person to know what she wanted (not realising you were in the middle of your sorting process). Total non-issue and I think your DH was just thinking she could have saved him a job.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Thu 28-Jul-16 14:00:18

I do think that sounds a bit grabby on her part. You weren't being rude at all. She's there to clean, not take stuff away.

Summerwood1 Thu 28-Jul-16 14:04:39

No you was not rude but she was really cheeky.

AprilLoveJ Thu 28-Jul-16 14:15:20

Not rude at all. Your dh perhaps a little rude for not recognising that you are a grown adult capable of making a decision and following through on it.

If you weren't ready to part with them yet that is your choice. You have your system and its working. Cleaner shouldn't have acted rude or put out at all! Should have waited respectfully until you were ready to hand things over. No idea why dh would say that to you. Nothing you have done has been rude. Giving things away for free (when you've sorted them so you are sure) is a kind act.

I too have done this and thought I wanted rid of stuff but second time around was glad to hold onto a couple of bits from dd's baby collection. I've given away things by mistake from not checking correct bags when moving (including brand new Office wedges at £50) and was gutted. Somebody had a good day at British Heart Foundation that day!

Nydj Thu 28-Jul-16 14:22:44

You weren't rude but I think if you had given her the bags it may have helped you to declutter more efficiently in the future. I accept that I may just be projecting as I live with a hoarder and my sympathies are with your DH!

LivingOnTheDancefloor Thu 28-Jul-16 14:23:07

She was rude, not you

pillowaddict Thu 28-Jul-16 14:26:56

Hm I think if I were her I'd also assume you knew what was going having placed it in the bag already so therefore can see why she'd ask to look through. I wouldn't have a problem at all with that myself. It's fine you weren't ready for them to go but u don't think she was rude to assume. In your dh's shoes if be delighted that the stuff was being removed quickly and also saving me a job so also see his point of view!

augustusglupe Thu 28-Jul-16 14:27:50

She was very rude!! She was there to clean, not pass comment on what you had or didn't have in your own home!

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