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Hey new to this

(23 Posts)
user1469699113 Thu 28-Jul-16 11:16:38

Hey totally new to this and I'm probly in the wrong place sorry if I am just need a vent , the thing is my partner or 7 years has just gained a heroin habit in the past few months I have no idea y I keep confronting him about this and get filled with fake promisis that he's stoped .i know he hasent and I know he's lien to me all the Time your prob think what am I still doing with a junkie but it's not that simple he's the father of my 4 children I love him very much he has a very well pass job and doesn't look like ur advrage user I just can't understand y he's taking the stuff I really can I don't want to throw him out that's not an option I want to do my best and help him but I feel as thou I cantsad there only 1 person I can speek to about this and that's his sister she's totally lovely and very easy to vent to but she shouldn't have to listen to me rant on about her brother all the time so I thought I would try here even thou my sister in law is lovely she has her own life to lead with her own family speeking to his mother about this is just not optional she's a bloody idiot to be honest and turns things in to its all about her :/ I just want to vent get it all out I feel like shit for written it on here but I feel at a lose end I don't know who to turn too things are just totall balls at the minute I love him so much and so does his children y would he keep smoking heroin he has loads to lose and doesn't seem bothers comes of it for a day then back on it st8 away sorry for the vent needed that off my chest

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 28-Jul-16 11:18:56

Bloody hell OP, that's really serious. I can't believe you're taking it so calmly! How old are you children? Is chucking him out feasible? I'd find it very hard to have a serious drug user in the house - is he doing it in your house with the children around?

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:20:27

Hey I have tried chucking him out but found that it's me inviting him back because I miss him as hard as it sounds we have been threw so much toghter and now this no the children don't have a clue what's going on xx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:20:59

And I'm only taking it calmly as I have failed at every other approch xx

BITCAT Thu 28-Jul-16 11:23:17

He needs professional help. Perhaps try get him to see a doctor about it. Heroin is highly addictive and it is unlikely he will be able to stop alone without help. Has anything happened to trigger it? But you do also need to make sure he is not keeping or doing it in your home..last thing you want is the children finding it.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 28-Jul-16 11:25:49

It's really hard to say anything, for me that would be a complete deal-breaker. The implications are so serious, and it's not like he's suddenly going to get better. In fact with heroin he's only going to get worse.

You say you can't live without him so is it possible to have more of a dating relationship when he's not around all the time but you can see him (and presumably your kids still want him in their lives?). Sorry OP I just can't see how this can end well without you making so many compromises and your children being affected.

What does his sister think?

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:26:04

I know it's not going on in my home because he goes to his mothers house to smoke it which is why she infuriates me I just totall feal let down bye him I can not think of any thing that's triggered it like I said we have had a good life we have a nice house nice children nice car good job and no worries really well that's what I thought but turns out my perfect little family has had a dark secret xx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:28:20

His sister is totally on my side and she thinks it's disgusting behaviour she also can't understand y it has happend either because he really is a nice bloke loves his kids loves me does any thing for any body it's just a total shock to the system x

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 28-Jul-16 11:29:48

He goes to his mother's??? God his poor sister, no wonder she can sympathise with you. Is there a history of drug-taking in his family? Was he using it before he met you?

Do you actually own any assets - house, car, etc- or is your whole life now prejudiced? I know people can manage day-to-day life using cocaine but heroin?? It's going to cost a fortune.

He's going to have to get some help or you are going to have to cut him loose, this really is not going to end well.

His mother though, that's absolutely appalling.

BITCAT Thu 28-Jul-16 11:38:04

So he is smoking it not injecting it?
Slightly better than what I thought but still very worrying.

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:39:43

My house and car is safe I have no need to worry about that . His brother is also a user but has been on it for years and years his brothe lives with his mum that's y ther do it at her house his sister is truely embarrassed that both her brothers are like this but more so my partner as this is a new thing and he has kids me and a lot to lose the other brother has no ties doesn't make it acceptable I know I'm gonna throw him the life line tonight when he's in to go to the doctors and seek professional help I can't ban him from speeking to his brother or mother as he only has his mum brother and sister left in his family it might be my only way to sort thing by given him the chance to go to the doctors with me if he loves his family surely he would do this to save it xxx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:41:38

P.s his sister is totally anti drugs and the only sensible one but she must find it hard listing to me vent all the time to her and I can't stop my self I keep venting and venting and I don't wanna upset her with it all she has to much going on in her own life about having the worry of her brother/s xx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:42:01

Deffo not injecting it he's only smoking it xx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:43:32

Thanks Rebecca and bitcat for listening like I said I have had no 1 bar his sister xx

Babybowser Thu 28-Jul-16 11:44:53

My minds made up I'm gonna make him a doctors appointment and if he comes with me I know it's worth saving if he doesn't I'm just going to have to face facts that this is not the person I fell in love with and try and adapt with out him which would be the hardest thing x

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 28-Jul-16 11:47:22

Why not ask his sister if she can cope listening to you? She obviously understands the situation better than most and might be willing to lend that ear to get you through this initial shock.

But also speak to the dr yourself for any advice how to cope as you and your children are also affected and probably will need support over time.

Sorry though I do think you might have to come to terms with him not being part of your life at some point. He might love you and the children more than anything in his rational mind but his addict's mind doesn't, it loves heroin.

humblesims Thu 28-Jul-16 11:52:29

You cant tolerate this. You cant allow it when you have children to consider. They are priority. You have to be really tough here I'm afraid and change the locks and lay down the law. Clean up or no contact. Unfortunately his mother is enabling his habit and it wont end well. I'm so sorry but you have no chance of helping him through this until he gets clean. flowers

ilovesooty Thu 28-Jul-16 13:32:29

I work in our city's drug and alcohol services. I'd tell him that your relationship is over unless he engages in recovery and treatment and includes you on any information sharing agreement. I'd also be discussing how he intends to cope with triggers for use if he maintains contact with his mother and brother I'd also want to ask how he's getting hold of it.

Idontknowhowididwhatidid Fri 29-Jul-16 19:43:11

Heroin will grip his life the longer he carries on.

Are you willing to see your kids go without just so he can get a hit?

It is a miserable life. I also have a family member in the grip of this evil drug. It makes people selfish and the drug comes before anything else.

Did you make a doctors appointment op? What did he say?

Babybowser Sat 30-Jul-16 00:43:49

Have not seen him much today or yesterday he's working 10 hour shifts coming home and going to sleep I'm going to take this on his day off on Sunday xx

HidingInTheCupboard10 Sat 30-Jul-16 06:31:07

Split, or at least get rid until he's clean. If he uses and comes home (please don't tell us he drives back from his mums) and gets up to deal with the kids in the night and anything goes wrong.... Then thats a whole new can of worms. And no unsupervised contact if you do split.
This isn't just a drug like weed to come off, it has serious withdrawal and may need managing through other treatments. This needs thinking and planning; where can he go to do this? Where can you go? And what plan do you have for the noce house etc if his employer finds out and sacks him? When the money comes down and you tighten your belts, what becomes more important, and family will only let you use their supply of drugs so long for free.
I know my own priority would be trying to cope alone, and get used to not trying get back together, so that if it goes tits up, you can do it. Support getting off it, sure, but he has to want it, not just you.

needananonrant Sat 30-Jul-16 19:43:13

Am I reading this right?

Your partner, father of your 4 children, is smoking heroin, lying to you, going out to his mothers house to smoke it regularly, and you can't kick him out because you love him.

What about your children? Don't they deserve more than a junkie father?

I'd repost this in relationships and get some proper advice about taking measures to leave and protect your children.

I'm sorry you are going through this but you need to stop thinking about him and yourself and think about your kids.

Do they go to their grandmothers house at all?

Badbadtromance Sat 30-Jul-16 20:12:11

How much is all this costing. It can't be cheap

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