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To give in to bullying parents and move my child?

(25 Posts)
hugsarealwaysneededhere1 Thu 28-Jul-16 08:34:03

I don't want to give too many details but DC is really suffering emotionally as he knows how many parents have decided he's the bad lad. I know he's not, but that's not enough to stop them.
Is it better to stick it out in the hope it teaches resilience or jump ship and hope for better times? sad

rocketsocks Thu 28-Jul-16 08:39:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feathermucker Thu 28-Jul-16 08:40:41

Need more details, background etc...

How long has this been going on? What has led to so many people singling him out?

icanteven Thu 28-Jul-16 08:41:35

I would never hesitate to give my child a fresh start if that's what they needed, but if you do move schools, you need to have a brutally honest chat with yourself (and perhaps your son) and ask WHY they think he's a bad lad, because if he has brought this upon himself by his own behaviour - or your inability to identify and respond to his behaviour - then it will just happen again.

I have never just looked at a child playing innocently in the playground and spontaneously thought "She's a bad 'un, she is." It just doesn't happen (with normal, reasonable adults anyway).

Your son may well be as pure as the driven snow here, and I am being completely unreasonable, but it's worth asking.

On the other hand, is discipline in his current school generally very poor and he is getting the flack for others' bad behaviour? What can you do to address this?

CodyKing Thu 28-Jul-16 08:42:44

At the moment your son isn't 'winning' he's probably deeply unhappy - not all school suit all children - sometimes there's too much of a clash of personalities.

If he wants to move then move him - do what he is happiest with and don't give a second thought to him losing - he's not -

davos Thu 28-Jul-16 08:44:14

I would do what best for child. Not what's 'right'

In fact I did. The school Dd was at was terrible at dealing with the bullying that happened to her.

I could have stood my ground, but the damage to Dd was already bad, I wasn't prepared to keep her there until they finally did something.

Just be prepared that a new school may not resolve all problems. There are dickhead parents at most schools.

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Floggingmolly Thu 28-Jul-16 08:47:44

The other parents are surely not "bullying" your child for no reason... confused. You need to look at your child's behaviour honestly and objectively or you'll face exactly the same thing at your new school.

Floggingmolly Thu 28-Jul-16 08:48:32

icanteven said it better...

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 28-Jul-16 08:50:37

Way more details are needed.

Thomasisintraining Thu 28-Jul-16 08:52:35

It just doesn't happen (with normal, reasonable adults anyway)

It absolutely does, all the time, for children with AN.

Parents do decide that kids are "the bad one", of course they do. Hence why ADHD is labelled "naughty boy syndrome" and ASD is so woefully misunderstood. If OP's son has any kind of additional need, word will have gotten out through playground gossip, and many will have labelled him without hesitation.

When a boy with diagnosed ADHD started at my school, he'd barely been there a week before parents had told their kids not to play with him. He was a lovely boy but spent much of his time alone at playtimes and was the one people didn't want to be partnered up with.He'd done nothing to make the children dislike him; the parents had reacted to his additional needs and made him an outcast.

OP, I wouldn't hesitate to give your boy a fresh start.

pictish Thu 28-Jul-16 09:03:18

Well it depends on the details OP - what's the situation? Tell us more.

happypoobum Thu 28-Jul-16 09:03:57

So OP your child isn't being bullied by other children, you say he is being bullied because other parents have decided he is - what? Naughty? A bully? What is the actual problem here?

Agree with PP we need more info really. If he is wilfully poorly behaved then changing schools won't help at all. Does he have SN?

DinosaursRoar Thu 28-Jul-16 09:04:19

Does your DS have additional needs that aren't being met at the school resulting in other labelling him as 'bad'? Then moving him to another school won't solve the problem unless the other school can meet his needs. If you need to get additional help for him, you might be better placed fighting for that in the school you are currently in.

youarenotkiddingme Thu 28-Jul-16 09:09:06

Some detail would be useful.
Eg age, sn or not or any particular incident or reason why they've decided this.

But no, Yanbu to pull him out for a fresh start if that's what's needed.
Ive has to accept my ds current secondary won't and have intention of meeting needs needs anywhere but paperwork. They are all words no action. Although I have some anger that's it's ds that has had to move (as a result of another student pulling a knofe on him) I'm beginning to realise what's important is that he gets the best education.

I was 'the bad kid' at secondary school but it was the teachers who labelled me this. If your son is being left out then leaving him won't teach him resilience. It may knock his self worth. I would jump ship.

If you move his school then I think you and your son need to discuss this. I was labelled the bad kid because I was one due to my home life. Your son isn't a bad person but perhaps he isn't giving the best of himself?
How old is he? Have you discussed any of this with him?

trafalgargal Thu 28-Jul-16 09:16:29

How old is your child and why do other parents perceive him as naughty?
What form does this bullying take?
Adults bullying children sounds odd......Parents not wanting their child to be friends with yours isn't bullying but their reasons for doing so may not be fair.

What is the school's opinion in the matter?

LisaMed1 Thu 28-Jul-16 09:16:29

You sound almost identical to one of the parents at ds' school. Did he get excluded from the afternoon club?

I would look really carefully at the situation if I were you. Your child may be the victim of unjust bullying, but it is also possible that he is the class thug.

What sort of friends does your child have in school and what do the teachers think?

VioletBam Thu 28-Jul-16 09:16:34

I agree OP that no situation is the same and you need to provide more information.x

practy Thu 28-Jul-16 09:21:03

No child is totally a bad lad. But if a child makes other children unhappy, then their parents will tell them to stay away from them. Do other children want to be around him?

UnexpectedBaggage Thu 28-Jul-16 09:29:50

We need more details in order to help, OP.

rocketsocks Thu 28-Jul-16 09:30:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TentPegsAndWetWipes Thu 28-Jul-16 09:32:39

In my youngest DCs class there is a boy who dc always complains about hitting, etc. I have raised it with the teacher and I believe the school are handling it well. I've spoken to dc and opened up conversation's about labelling/stereotyping children and was amazed to see how well that sank in. I helped on a school trip and saw the dynamic where this boy has become the 'baddy' to be baited in the playground games. I stepped in to say to the kids that it is not nice to chant out one child's name like that - but the boys mum herself didn't seem to notice or have the confidence/felt she needed to step in.
I feel it is being handled pretty well by the school though, so if you can'take get traction with the teachers/school it might be worth moving your son to a different school where you can work with the teachers to stop it happening again. (In the scenario in DCS class, the parents aren't handling it so well - I think they could do more to work with the teachers to get the best for their son. They are young parents so I wonder if they sought out parenting support they might be able to resolve it- perhaps patenting support might help you OP?).

WilliamScottsOrange Thu 28-Jul-16 09:58:53

Secondary? Juniors? If he has created a bad reputation for himself, a fresh start could be the thing to give him a second chance. It's quite difficult for a child to get out of routine poor behaviour once the child has established negative relationships with staff and other students. Things can change but it would take a lot of commitment and hard work on his part and he would have to be determined to behave excellently. Otherwise it's better to cut your loses.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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