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To say no to another DC until he marries me?

(63 Posts)
mommathatwearspink Tue 26-Jul-16 22:07:38

Me and DP have been together for 9 years and we have one DD. We are very happy together and I feel very blessed! We would both like a second DC within the next year so so but to be honest I feel a little upset that DP expects me to give another DC his surname when he hasn't even hinted at a proposal anytime soon. When we talk about it, he just says that we can't afford it (we could if we saved) and that we have done it differently to other people. AIBU?

RiverTam Tue 26-Jul-16 22:09:02

It doesn't have to cost much to pop down to the registry office with a couple of mates. Sounds like an excuse to me.

LindyHemming Tue 26-Jul-16 22:09:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzyOwl Tue 26-Jul-16 22:10:48

YANBU and as River says, it doesn't need to cost much.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Jul-16 22:11:21

What River said

Unless it's you who wants an expensive wedding perhaps?

Me and DH just had a registry office wedding with immediate family, then went for a Harvester.

The best part was leaving the kids with the PILs and buggering off to a hotel for the night.

SquinkiesRule Tue 26-Jul-16 22:11:25

Price up the registry office. Then ask him to marry you. If he still says no, then you know where you stand.

gaggiagirl Tue 26-Jul-16 22:12:28

It's costing me and DP £155 to nip to the registry office next week to get married. Tell him that.

Tobebythesea Tue 26-Jul-16 22:13:44

I would say YANBU. I think I would feel the same in your situation.

Agree with Euphemia. It doesn't have to cost a lot. It can cost as much or as little as you want. Poor excuse.

HainaultViaNewburyPark Tue 26-Jul-16 22:13:59

Agree with everyone regarding tegistry office for a straightforward wedding.

I'd also insist that any future DC would have my surname.

DoinItFine Tue 26-Jul-16 22:14:38

If you want another kid, just give the child your surname.

MissBattleaxe Tue 26-Jul-16 22:14:50

YANBU. You're absolutely right to feel this way. Don't let him fob you off.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 26-Jul-16 22:15:05

Kristen Bell's Hollywood wedding. $149 I think it cost them. And they're famous.

Time for a serious conversation about what he actually wants. Also, if I was a SAHM I wouldn't have any children without legal protection, never mind two. Are you a SAHM or planning to be?

Lesley1980 Tue 26-Jul-16 22:19:00

The marriage costs less that £200 but if you can't afford a wedding there are other options. It doesn't need to be big & flashy.

43percentburnt Tue 26-Jul-16 22:24:00

Squinkies reply - price it up and propose. Grab 2 strangers as witnesses. You can always have a fancy '2nd wedding with all the trimmings' in a few years time if that's what he has his heart set on. This can be the practical wedding!

Floggingmolly Tue 26-Jul-16 22:26:25

What everyone else said, anyone who can't afford to get married doesn't want to get married.

VestalVirgin Tue 26-Jul-16 22:31:04

He thinks he can't afford to marry you (has he ever asked whether you can afford the interruption of your career without the security of being married?), but he does think he can afford another child? I am pretty sure a child costs more than 200.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 26-Jul-16 22:32:57

An Asos wedding dress costs £39.99. <googles>

CoolioAndTheGang Tue 26-Jul-16 22:34:26

He can't afford to marry you, but he can afford another child confused hmm

PaperdollCartoon Tue 26-Jul-16 22:35:58

1) You don't have to give a child his surname if you don't want to, there's no law that a baby has to take the fathers name.

2) Weddings can be as cheap or as expensive as you want them to be. What's more important to you, a big/expensive wedding or just being married. (No judgement if it's the first, I want a big wedding grin)

3) YANBU, I wouldn't have any kids with DP unless we were married, but that's me, everyone should do what's right for them.

Floggingmolly Tue 26-Jul-16 22:36:46

Is the "we have done it differently to other people" like a badge of honour to him, op? The cost is just a smokescreen, by the sound of it. But you're not getting a say in any of it...

Lenazabaglione Tue 26-Jul-16 22:39:09

What Coolio said.

MotherOfDragons27 Tue 26-Jul-16 22:40:14

Does he think babies are free?? It's an excuse IMO. And like other PPs have said, you can get married very cheaply if you forget all the fuss.

AtSea1979 Tue 26-Jul-16 22:41:26

A wedding costs a lot less than another child

SenoritaViva Tue 26-Jul-16 22:42:47

I was married for less than £300 included with dress. Loved it.

fakenamefornow Tue 26-Jul-16 22:43:25

Agree with everyone else, getting married is cheap. I'm married and was for nine years before we had our first child, I kept my own name and gave it to our kids.

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