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To ask how FT WOTH parents manage their evenings?

(159 Posts)
Dontyoulovecalpol Tue 26-Jul-16 17:21:23

We seemed to get on ok with this but lately it's gone to pot. I have 18m old twins in nursery all day. I get in at 5.30, DH at 7.30. Ideally I'd like them in bed by 8-8.30. They need snack bath story milk: we need supper, admin time (ie put a load of washing on: today we also need to call a tree surgeon and a damp proofer and do a holiday budget- when?!?!)

For the last few weeks I have had DS up demanding Thomas as 10pm and DD clambering on us. Both being difficult with bed time obviously. They need constant attention from the time we get in for as long as possible. Even eating dinner is hard
We're so tired we're just kind if stumbling from day to day not getting anything done!

limon Tue 26-Jul-16 17:26:59

I get in around 5.15. Usually I play with dd while dh (he works one day a week) cooks. We then eat together and play for a bit. We alternate bed times so bath, stories, bed. The person not doing bed time has a tidy up. We then either watch something on TV or do our own thing.

limon Tue 26-Jul-16 17:28:17

My dd is 4. At 18 months they will need your constant attention. They haven't yet learned to play independently. They will though - this too shall pass.

ButtonBoo Tue 26-Jul-16 17:29:14

Can you not shift their bedtimes forward to 7pm?. All day in nursery and my kids are exhausted and tired DCs aren't the easiest to manage! And bath every other night?
Granted, your DP wont get much time with them but is there potential for him to leave half an hour early twice a week and stay half hour later twice a week. Home in time for bedtime on some days? At least you would have potential for some quiet hours.
And if possible, confine washing to two loads mid week and rest at weekends.

Stickerrocks Tue 26-Jul-16 17:37:21

Could the twins be going to bed too late? I wonder if they are getting excited when your DH gets in, rather than getting sleepy. Invest in a slow cooker or put stuff in the freezer & defrost during the day.

DH & I used to get in by 6 with DD from nursery. Cbeebies bedtime hour came in handy sometimes to help calm down. One of us would do bath time whilst the other one sorted dinner etc, putting her to bed by 7.30.

Put things like washing on using a timer and use lunch breaks for booking appointments etc.

mirime Tue 26-Jul-16 17:42:09

Badly. We get home at 7 and are co-sleeping with 3 year old DS so he does go to bed late. On the plus side he doesn't wake horribly early - usually wakes about 8am or a bit after which is the time I get up for work so that is quite convenient.

But basically whoever takes him up doesn't get an evening

Scrumptiousbears Tue 26-Jul-16 17:44:40

I'm currently on maternity leave but when I had my first I used to pick DD up from private nursery at 1700hrs and she had been fed for the day so no need for dinner. She would also be bathed and bed by 1830hrs ish. I reckon I probably managed to do a lot of admin at work so evenings were for chores. My OH is on shifts so we managed chores between us and days off. I would also say some chores were not completed as often or thoroughly as something had to give.

When I go back to work I'm definitely going to look for a cleaner as now with two we will struggle big time.

Do your little ones not have all meals at nursery? I'd also put them to bed earlier maybe. Give you some more time.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 26-Jul-16 17:44:43

I would put them to bed at 6.30 to 7 , 8 - 8.30 is very late they must be shattered after nursery.

5amisnotmorning Tue 26-Jul-16 17:46:34

So we used to have a similar home time. Snack was in front of beebies and then bath and we would eat after. Means whoever is home with them doing all the bedtime but lots do 2 children by themselves!

Phineyj Tue 26-Jul-16 18:01:27

We only bath 3x a week and try to eat a cooked meal in the day and a sandwich for tea (we both have works canteens fortunately). Don't do much washing other than at the weekends. I feel your pain though and we only have one!

Merimum Tue 26-Jul-16 18:07:49

I collect 1 or 2 kids (they are in seperate childcare) after 5 depending on Dh's schedule . Usually in house for 5:30. He then entertains them etc and I will cook dinner and do homework with 5yo which is usually on the table for 6pm. Kids have eaten but will sit with us and eat again sometimes. We spend the next hour doing dishes, playing and bath/shower. 2yo goes to bed at 7pm and 5 yo goes at 7:30. Then I usually calf on sofa with the phone for a few hours (heavily pregnant at the mo) and make my lunch and dh will go to gym/work outside etc. When he comes home we will usually watch a boxset and chat before bed at midnight. I dont do housework during the wk apart from the odd load of washing, as we have a cleaner and we blitz the house together on a Sunday morning.

Katkincake Tue 26-Jul-16 18:09:19

DH picks up ds (2) from nursery at 5.30 I get home at 6.30, in that time they have a snack and play. We take it in turns to do bedtime routine from 7-7.40, whilst one cooks. Due to eczema we bath him every 3rd day, he comes in the shower with us in the morning if we forget or his hair is a mess.

We have a cleaners every 2 weeks and I try and work from home 1 day now and then to get on top of chores like booking appts. Washing goes on overnight and I put it out in morning while ds has a snack and watches CBeebies before I take him to nursery.

Agree earlier bed and split tasks (if you can with twins) so you're doing different things will help. But agree it's hard, some nights we don't get to flop in front of tv till gone 9.

FraterculaArctica Tue 26-Jul-16 18:12:51

Ha, sounds like our house. We have one DS aged 2.4 in full time nursery. One of us picks him up and gets home by 6; the other aims to be home by 6.30-7. We usually eat together with him as soon as the second parent comes in. Then a bit of playtime, bath (every other day), stories, bed... and he's asleep between 8.30 and 9. The 'put him to bed earlier' idea doesn't work for us, he won't go to sleep earlier anyway so that just means one of us has to sit up there for even longer in the dark with him. The 'then need to call the tree surgeon and renew the car insurance' sounds familiar too. Oh, and I have work I ought to be doing in the evenings but it never gets done as I'm too tired to start working at 9.30 when the next day begins at 6. My career is crashing. Not sure what the solution is but you're not alone!

Dontyoulovecalpol Tue 26-Jul-16 18:30:33

They eat at nursery- it's us who need supper! Currently eating it, not preparing it, Is the problem- obviously they're not eating so want to play.

I can't get them to bed at 6.30ish. They're difficult enough to get down at 9.30 weep.

High 5 to the other strugglers! I think I need a cleaner, someone who comes to clean the car, someone who comes to trim the hedges and mow the lawns. Everything needs to be outsourced!

FraterculaArctica Tue 26-Jul-16 18:35:22

Can they play in highchairs at the table while you eat? Our nursery gives them tea at 4 pm, so I feel he can't go through on that till breakfast time.
It's the never having time to get anything done isn't it. We're meant to be painting wardrobes but when? At 7 pm with the toddler's help? At 10 pm when we just want to go to bed?!

nokidshere Tue 26-Jul-16 18:41:33

They need to go to bed earlier. They are probably sleeping badly because they are overtired! 9:30 is way too late.

When we co-slept we still put the boys to bed first, even though we slept in the same bed we never went at the same time as them.

timeisnotaline Tue 26-Jul-16 18:43:05

We do the phone calls at work. My dh picks ds (13mo) up at 6, I'm home later. It's very feed ds, bath, play, bottle till 8, we have started preparing our dinner before 8 usually, put him in bed and eat it. If they don't go to bed or play on their own at all it's very difficult! We try and be simple with food for dinner.

FraterculaArctica Tue 26-Jul-16 18:44:37

Those of you who suggest putting children to bed at 6.30, what do you think we should do if they don't actually go to sleep for another 2 or more hours? Just curious...

Dontyoulovecalpol Tue 26-Jul-16 18:44:52

There is nothing more depressing than finally getting everyone cleaned up and into bed knowing rather than relax youll have to do something daft like paint your wardrobes

LuchiMangsho Tue 26-Jul-16 18:46:31

I think they might be overtired. Our routine is home at 5. Dinner by 5:45. Bath by 6:10. 20 mins of stories and lights out. We have had this routine for nearly 5 years now. We are a mostly non screen household but either way no screens for an hour before bed.

As soon as dinner is done, we shut shop. No shouting, playing or screaming. At that age I would dim the lights in their room and close the curtains before they came to bed so after the bath they came to a darkened room for stories.

Once they are in bed, then dinner for us and admin. Lasts till 8/8:30. I then work for an hour and then I collapse. In that two hours between bedtime and sitting down to work one of us also does a bit of cooking/prep for the week.
There was a similar thread. You have to be very very organised.

LuchiMangsho Tue 26-Jul-16 18:47:59

If they don't go to sleep then they stay in their room quietly. Or you bring bedtime earlier and make the bedtime winding down routine longer. There was a time when we were transitioning from 1 nap to no naps when on the 1 nap days bedtime would be later but the winding down and bath would be at the same time and we would have nearly an hour of stories.

LuchiMangsho Tue 26-Jul-16 18:49:52

If your DS is in full time nursery why isn't he having dinner there? If you are home at 6, then 10 mins of some quiet play (puzzles not trains IYKWIM), bath, stories and that's it. Could it not be that he is getting a second wind?

PseudoSatisfactionBaby Tue 26-Jul-16 18:51:11

Watching with interest. I used to run and know...hobbies and interests outside the house. By the time I've worked a full week (plus) picked up DD from nursery (DH does morning wake up dress feed and nursery drop off so I can go into work early...he works late) snack play bath and bed by 8...I'm good for nothing except bed!

Dontyoulovecalpol Tue 26-Jul-16 18:53:28

They do have dinner at nursery- I've clarified that already and said in the OP they don't need dinner. We eat dinner, DH and I. Well, we try to.

I am going to try bedtime after bath but as fratacula says, I think I'll just be up there for 2 hours watching them waste time

NotSpartacus Tue 26-Jul-16 18:54:49

When my daughter was little my DH worked in another country in the week and I was FT in the city. She was in nursery until I picked her up (by 6:30), then we went home, she had something small to eat (having had tea at nursery), a bath and milk and was in bed by about 7:15 latest. Then I logged on, worked, fed myself etc.

It is a slog when they are small , but for me an early bedtime was key otherwise I wouldn't have been able to finish my work or have any time to do admin / take care of myself.

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