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to ditch all my shitty friends

(14 Posts)
Staronthewall Tue 26-Jul-16 16:26:20

So after leaving my xh last august it turns out i dont have many good friends.
its shown me my good friends are amazing, but that is two of them. They have children, I dont. I have moved further away because of divorce so i feel quite lonely sometimes.

Other 'friends' dont contact me unless i contact them. I could have really done with support from them over the last year with the separation. I moved back in with parents which was hard and hoped that they would at least invite me for a glass of wine and even better a bed for the night.

Some of these friends have been very needy with me in the past, to the point ive dropped everything and helped them on many occasions.

I am fed up and sad to be forgotten about now i am divorced. I could have done with comfort and a friendly face. Last time I contacted 2 of them was 4 months ago. I have heard nothing since.

Should I assume this is it now and just be glad to have the two friends I do have?

blue2014 Tue 26-Jul-16 16:28:13

Get rid of shitty friends and make some new good ones smile

emotionsecho Tue 26-Jul-16 16:28:54

They are not your friends, they are not behaving remotely like good friends. Leave them to it, cherish the real friends you do have and make some new ones.

Good luck with your new lifeflowers.

Vagabond Tue 26-Jul-16 16:31:38

A marriage break up shows you who your real friends are.

I found out pretty quickly myself. I consider my separation to be real-life sieve on my friendships. So many got left in the sieve.

Seems that few people wanted to be 'infected' by what happened to me. I've seen this happen to loads of my friends too.

I'm thankful for it. Shows me who my true friends are.


Owllady Tue 26-Jul-16 16:33:29

I think any kind of trauma sorts the wheat from the chaff tbh.sad

You'll meet other people x

Hissy Tue 26-Jul-16 16:36:24

Ah... But they is scared to catch the single ... Or scared you'll be stealing their man....

I find attitudes like this so terribly sad! I pity them, but it doesn't hurt any less. I have nothing useful to say other than it will get better when you make new and better friends.

AdmiralData Tue 26-Jul-16 16:44:54

I'm sorry you went through such a tough time with your divorce op. You are not BU at all. it is certainly true that in times of need we see our friends and family for who they are. I became disabled a few years back and my friends and family dropped me like it was catching haha have a cull of the shitty friends op and good luck!!!

e1y1 Tue 26-Jul-16 16:50:54

Yes agree, change friends for quality ones.

I am really, really untrusting of people (yes my problem, not others) but this is why I have maybe 4 good friends who I know will be there.

Everyone else is an acquaintance, would not consider them at all in my hour of need.

blitheringbuzzards1234 Tue 26-Jul-16 16:50:54

If they are shitty and don't contact you they're not real friends are they? It sounds like if they needed you they'd get in touch but it's a one way street. Forget about them and make new friends. It's quality not quantity that counts.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Tue 26-Jul-16 16:51:52

There are lots of times people ditch you.

I lost some of friends when I spilt with DCs dad.

Then when I had DC more fell away.

Then when I got over my PND more of them disappeared.

When I decided on a change of career direction I lost some more.

Remaining single for close to a decade meant I lost more friends as they married.

Along the way I've met new ones though.

To put a positive spin on it. You had them when you needed them and now, having divorced, you don't.

They are the last of the baggage from you divorce. (hopefully)

Goingtobeawesome Tue 26-Jul-16 17:05:59

I have a friend I've known for 30 years with about ten years where we lost touch. I haven't heard from her for a few months. This is unusual in that I wouldn't normally let this long go by but I had some huge news and didn't want to share and with that and some health issues and knowing she hasn't responded when I've told her about other serious stuff, I've backed right off. I've heard nothing from her. Both our children have had birthdays in the time and have received a card and money but no direct contact.

Sadly I'm not sure what will happen and right now I'm not bothered but that's because I'm not well and a lot of the time she makes me feel rubbish.

BobbinThreadbare123 Tue 26-Jul-16 17:17:35

The same thing happened to me during and after my divorce.

I felt like a few people literally did not know what to say, so didn't even bother (to avoid feeling uncomfortable themselves, I think). Some people just blanked me (no idea why; I wasn't the badly behaved party) and some people pretended it didn't exist or talked over me when I mentioned it.

Others, however, stepped right up and looked after me and cheered me up. Not many, but the good ones. They have my respect for life, and I'm thankful for them.

I've never had an extensive network of friends, but it's actually increased since I ditched the dead weight exH and started going out more (he usually prevented me).

Don't worry about it, OP. New people will appear, and at least you're not tied to someone you don't like by children.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF Tue 26-Jul-16 17:38:06

I only have two people I would call true friends, and they are worth hundreds. When I was drinking (recovered alcoholic) I had a phone chock full of numbers, constant invites out - I really was Miss Popular (I realise now it was because I was always 'up' for partying and was endlessly 'entertaining', I.e doing really bloody stupid things while drunk!). In the first month of my sobriety, I realised these 'friends' were dropping away like flies. I'm still in touch with a few on FB, but despite promises to meet for a coffee, it never happens. My two 'besties' have been with me through all of that, and were my rock when my ex and I split earlier this year. It really does take difficult personal circumstances to sort the wheat from the chaff, as it were!

Staronthewall Tue 26-Jul-16 21:52:52

Thank you for all the supportive positive comments

It's helped me a great deal today ☺️

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