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about the postman and my daughter's beautiful hair.

(300 Posts)
Rosae Tue 26-Jul-16 12:40:55

My 13 month old daughter has (what I consider to be) beautiful ginger hair. Very ginger.
While signing for a parcel today the royal mail postman commented to me ' she is quite the ginge isn't she? You'll wanna be getting some hair dye for that soon' with a little snigger after it. I'm not very good or fast with comebacks so just looked at him I shock then went back in.
AIBU that this comment made me upset and worried about the future for her? My hubby has strawberry blonde hair and got badly teased and bullied for it at school.
Friends sometimes make jokes about it but in a more lovingly teasing way that I brush off in general and say 'yes she's gorgeous isn't she? ' Should I be stopping it?

HavenforHaggis Tue 26-Jul-16 12:48:00

I don't understand why people have this reaction/opinion of people with red hair. This seems to be a common joke/reaction where I'm from, it's almost as if people with red hair are looked down at. I think it's especially rude to make a comment like that, especially about a child. YANBU.

facebookrecruit Tue 26-Jul-16 12:49:04

What a rude thing to say! Bastard I'd be filing a complaint with Royal Mail!

Scotmumof2girls Tue 26-Jul-16 12:50:06

For the record I love red hair, strawberry, ginger whatever and I think the postman needs lessons on engaging brain and simple defence. I'd speak to him next time and explain it was out of order and while he may think harmless you think otherwise.

M0nstersinthecl0set Tue 26-Jul-16 12:50:21

Hard stares for jokes. Ffs are they 5?
Some pointed - comments about their standout features (friends)? "What was that big ears?" - though sinking to their level might be satisfying you then lose the highground.
In the 80's I was quick to put down a couple of CHILDREN making fun of my ginger hair as an adult the only jokes are about whether or not i'm a "real" redhead which gets met with due contempt (as I am sure many blondes would too). The postman is bloody stupid. No ifs nor buts. He's just lacking.
Don't dye it! We tend to make comments about our ginger plans for world domination and hurrah for those ninja ginger genes. We've got a handful of ginger tones. Perhaps that helps sad

MrPony Tue 26-Jul-16 12:50:40

Shrug it off. I know it's hard as she is your beautiful baby but the best thing you can show her is that comments like that will not affect you.
Give her a good self esteem and she will be sorted for life.

Scotmumof2girls Tue 26-Jul-16 12:50:41

Not defence - decency

DerelictMyBalls Tue 26-Jul-16 12:51:16

Ugh. There are still people in the world who think it's OK to make twatty comments about red hair?

sleepy16 Tue 26-Jul-16 12:51:22

I wouldn't be impressed with a comment like that, totally uncalled for.
I don't get why people are so anti ginger tbh!

HateSummer Tue 26-Jul-16 12:52:13

I absolutely love red/ginger hair..it's so luscious and beautiful.

I'd make up some witty come backs in your spare time and use them when needed. The post man is a dick.

MaisieDotes Tue 26-Jul-16 12:52:45

What a dick. I have red hair, as does DS1. I've heard one person comment on his hair negatively (on the street) and I just looked at her, held her gaze and raised my eyebrow until she looked away in embarrassment. I was furious.

I would have said something but not in front of DS.

OreosAreTasty Tue 26-Jul-16 12:52:45

Yes you should stop it.
Dh is ginger, not a dark/bright ginger more of a strawberry blonde. He was bullied throughout school for it and still gets over the line comments about it these days.
In his secret Santa at work one of the girls bought black hair dye (not very funny but not overly offensive I suppose...)but then proceeded to have a go at him for 3 days when he came in with his undyed hair hmm
What I'm trying to say is unfortunately she will deal with this for life put a stop to it as best you can

DailyMailPenisPieces Tue 26-Jul-16 12:53:07

That's dreadful.

I'd make sure you talk really positively in front of your daughter about her beautiful hair, and maybe ask friends to too.

As for ignorant postman, I'd seriously complain to Royal Mail immediately - he needs to know it's unprofessional, cruel and inappropriate.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Jul-16 12:54:48

I think you'll need to learn to tell these people to stop being rude, before they give your DD a complex.

jpclarke Tue 26-Jul-16 12:56:44

As a red head I can't stand the word 'ginger' hinge' etc. My little girl has also been given my red hair and I have to say I worry about her being teased and bullied too, as I was as a child. It drives me insane that everyone who meets her has to comment on her hair. In fairness it's always she has beautiful hair etc but nobody makes any comment about my boy who doesn't have the same colouring.
I would make a complaint about that postman it might teach him to stop being such a bully.

MangoBiscuit Tue 26-Jul-16 12:57:02

DD2 (almost 3yo) is a little red head. She LOVES her hair (at the moment anyway) and is very proud of it. If anyone calls her ginger or red-head though, she gets cross and tells them her hair is ORANGE like Merida! I'm hoping that her self-confidence, and her love of her hair colour, will see her through any stupid jibes that people might aim at her.

If the postie, or anyone else, suggests dying it again, I think I'd just calmly, earnestly ask "why would I want to do that?". Make them explain their little "joke" and let them point out to themselves just how stupid it sounds.

PaperdollCartoon Tue 26-Jul-16 12:57:50

What a dick! I'd have told him to eff off. I've never understood the vitriol against redheads, it's beautiful and a genetic quirk designed to make people more attractive. Red hair stands out much more than boring brown. I actually dye my hair red, I have pale skin and freckles so it suits me (naturally boring light brown) I've been teased for choosing red hair but I just say I love it and most people say it looks lovely. I think lots of people think it's natural anyway.

The best I can offer is try and instill your daughter with as much self confidence as possible, she probably will be teased at some point but hopefully not too much. Hopefully she will learn the problem lies with those who think it's ok to tease, and not with her.

Myfanwyprice Tue 26-Jul-16 12:57:55

This makes me so cross, I've got red hair, so have both my dc, we have all experienced nasty comments about our hair colour.

The trouble is that it seems to be acceptable to make jokes about it, and if you get upset you get accused of not having a sense of humour hmm

Luckily, most people do make positive comments and I try to focus on those instead of on the idiots!

Hockeydude Tue 26-Jul-16 12:59:04

Postman = complete weirdo. I wouldn't complain though, it won't change him and won't help your dd in any way. Plus he knows where you live. I know that's an outdated aggressive phrase to use, but I wouldn't be comfortable with him coming round my house every day if he knew I'd complained to his employer.

Teach your daughter that all hair is beautiful and in particular it's more beautiful if it's natural.

My dd has the darkest hair in her class (she's 8) and I've gone over with her for several years that it suits her skin tone like that and shown her pictures of women looking nice with her colour hair online. She loves it now, but preciously had wanted to have blonde hair.

RageAgainstTheTagine Tue 26-Jul-16 12:59:33

If there was such a thing as a rare or lesser common eye colour, it would be seen as a stroke of luck to be born with it, so why is red hair so different??
Sadly, I think it's human nature to reject differences from the norm and this is shown by the way Neanderthals certain people behave.

sizeofalentil Tue 26-Jul-16 13:00:31

Ginger hair is gorgeous! Especially on men. DH is steadfastly refusing to dye his mousey locks though. sigh

StrawberryRiceCake Tue 26-Jul-16 13:01:06

I have two beautiful ginger daughters (and a handsome ginger husband). Whilst I have had a couple of slightly knobbish comments over the years I have found most people are very complimentary. The postman was definitely a twat though.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 26-Jul-16 13:01:11

No you don't shrug it off. This is why we live in a world where people think they can say and do as they please.
If he was to comment on skin colour there would be droves of people telling you to complain. There'd be none of this shrug it off Malarky.
Why is it different when it's hair colour.
Please put in a complaint.
He insulted your 13 month old baby in her own home. I wouldn't be going for that.
I'm not just saying it, but red hair is gorgeous

Manateedugong Tue 26-Jul-16 13:02:11

My daughter has beautiful red hair too. Like you, I loved it from the start but was stunned by a few comments when she was little; memorably 'is she the postman's?' shouted at me at the station by a worker there. I think my expression made it more,that clear I didn't find that amusing.
She's late teens now and looks stunning with amazing long, wavy red hair that she is really proud of and is part of her identity. Everywhere she goes she is stopped and complimented on it.

OfficiallyUnofficial Tue 26-Jul-16 13:02:29

I thought ginger was bang on trend now? Between Oz from Buffy starting the revolution (sexy beast) to whatsisname from HomeLand, and that beautiful giraffe model woman (can you tell my memory is going?) it's all ABOUT the ginge at the moment.

How old was he? 98?

Ignore it she's a lucky wee thing.

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