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To want to change nursery to avoid a particular child

(95 Posts)
BettyBi0 Tue 26-Jul-16 12:29:09

We've had some long standing issues with the way DC's nursery have been handling some behaviour issues. DC is 2.5 and has learnt some choice phrases over the last 6 months or so including lots of threats along the lines of "I'll cut your face", "shut up and do as I say", "you are the loser so ner ner na ner ner" which she has copied from some of the older kids. Some of it is run of the mill bratty stuff, some of it is really quite scary mean stuff. It's a mixed room of 2 to 5 yr olds. The nursery have said they cannot prevent certain kids from playing together but they can intervene if they see/hear anything mean being said. Fair enough... Only they never seem to hear/see anything and whenever I pick DD up she is playing in a group being bossed around by the older kids. There are 2 particular girls that I'd really like DD not to copy and I'd been consoling myself with the fact that they were both off to big school in September. Now I've just found out that one of them has a September birthday and will in fact be there for a whole year more.

Am I mad to consider changing nurseries to avoid this child? I hate the impact she has had on DD and the phrases and behaviours that DD has copied from her and I dread to think of that going on for another year.

Marthacliffscumbag Tue 26-Jul-16 12:34:12

And what will you do when she starts school and shares a classroom with 29 other children, a large percentage of whom will be 'bratty'? Change her class? Change her school?
If YOUR daughter is behaving in a way that is unacceptable to you then deal with it, explain, discipline etc. you can't go through her entire childhood blaming other children for your child's behaviour, of course children mimic behaviour and language but if you dont like it then do something about it by concentrating on your child rather than moving her around because you don't want to deal with it.

c3pu Tue 26-Jul-16 12:38:17


If it's that bad I'd consider doing the same. Yes, you can't keep doing it when the child reaches school age, but once they're at school age they'll have a better understanding of right and wrong, and what behaviours are acceptable etc.

luciole15 Tue 26-Jul-16 12:41:47

I'd change asap. Big age range there and why would you want that sort of behaviour learning any sooner that necessary. Sounds as if the nursery is lax on bad behaviour generally so not good overall i'd imagine.

BikeRunSki Tue 26-Jul-16 12:42:02

Have you raised this with the nursery?

And why are 5 year olds at nursery? Even Sept birthdays will still be 4.

Amelie10 Tue 26-Jul-16 13:18:29

I think ywbu to make such a big change based on one horrible child. Have you spoken to the nursery.

Welshmaenad Tue 26-Jul-16 13:25:26

A friend's child started coming home from playgroup saying 'I'm going to gut you like a fish!'. Picked it up from fellow 2 year old. It's a line from Scream. Ss became involved.

Talk to the nursery. Where is the 'scary mean stuff' coming from. How scary is it?

Gottagetmoving Tue 26-Jul-16 13:30:17

I think you will be changing schools a lot during your DDs childhood if the reason is because of things children say. The Nursery should deal with anything they do hear but they can't if they don't hear it.
I would think they have chats with the youngsters about not saying nasty things.

ayeokthen Tue 26-Jul-16 13:32:17

I think that there will always be mean kids about, but tbh I'd be concerned about "I'm going to cut you." That's not normal mean kid talk, that's worrying.

MadamDeathstare Tue 26-Jul-16 13:36:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paxillin Tue 26-Jul-16 13:37:44

What you are describing is partially down to the age difference, it will be your dd's turn to be that child at some point. Children a bit older than your own can seem terribly ill behaved. It will happen over and over, you look at a child and think "I am glad mine does not display this behaviour". Months later you find out she didn't display it yet, because she had's hit that particularly unpleasant milestone of development.

And even if it isn't developmental, but downright bad behaviour, you'd have to change schools twice a year, there are well behaved and badly behaved kids in every school class on earth.

TheABC Tue 26-Jul-16 13:37:49

Whilst you are going to get bratty kids at nursery or school, the age range you have cited seems a bit extreme. There is a massive difference in ability and understanding between toddlers and preschoolers. I would be looking around for another place that has more of a division between the ages. At least at school, you will know she is spending the bulk of her time with her peers who will be (at most) a year older.

greenfolder Tue 26-Jul-16 13:51:34

i would change. not because of one child but because it does not sound like a decent set up. now you have a good idea of what you want, go and look at the alternatives.

MadamDeathstare Tue 26-Jul-16 13:55:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammouthTask Tue 26-Jul-16 14:02:04

I would change too because yes the nursery cannot be behind every child all the time but they should 1- manage groups to avoid the younger children being boss aroudn all the time and 2- intervene so that the older children are learning this is not an appropriate thing to say (at least at nursery/school).
It's doing no favour to any of the children involved.

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Jul-16 14:13:37

My children are in junior school and have never come home saying such things.
I would change nurseries. Choose one that has seperate rooms for 2 year olds and then a pre school room for 3 years plus.
Sounds like the are some children from very rough homes at this nursery and that nursery are not effective at managing the situation.

pictish Tue 26-Jul-16 14:13:38

I agree with martha's reply.

I'm afraid you will come up against this everywhere. It is your job to teach your child how to behave. You can't keep changing nursery or school every time there's a kid you don't like and nor can you blame your child's behaviour on that kid.

TheCrumpettyTree Tue 26-Jul-16 14:16:47

I wouldn't choose a nursery where my 2 year old mixed with 4-5 year olds. What are 5 year olds doing there anyway?

paxillin Tue 26-Jul-16 14:17:49

But if she is 2.5 now she will be in the pre-school class with the 3+ aged kids come Christmas anyway, so you'd avoid the older kids for precisely one term. Better deal with the behaviour now, she'll witness it (and try it on for size) soon enough anyway.

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Jul-16 14:18:25

Rubbish. There are not children saying "I will cut you" in every nursery. I would imagine it's highly unusual and in the ops case the nursery are not managing the situation which is the key issue. Plus the age range in the class is too big.
There Are 700 kids in our primary school,and never have they come home saying anything like this.
You don't have to put up with it. It does not happen in every nursery.

LIZS Tue 26-Jul-16 14:19:23

How would you plan to vet other children at a new setting to avoid the same situation. I'm surprised an almost 4 plays that closely with a 2 1/2 yo. Once they get to school they will be exposed to the behaviour and language of much older children.

LIZS Tue 26-Jul-16 14:19:48

How would you plan to vet other children at a new setting to avoid the same situation. I'm surprised an almost 4 plays that closely with a 2 1/2 yo. Once they get to school they will be exposed to the behaviour and language of much older children.

LemonBreeland Tue 26-Jul-16 14:25:28

I would choose a new setting. Not because of the children there, but because the nursery don't seem to be very effective at dealing with issues.

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Jul-16 14:25:46

Surely even though you can't vet the children you can ask the nursery how they wpuld deal with such a situation? The ops nursery isn't dealing with it.

paxillin Tue 26-Jul-16 14:30:11

"I will cut you" or the like is not that unusual. Kids get it from movies or something. "You are the loser/ shut up" are completely normal to try out at age 4.

What is unusual is the OP's dd is too immature at 2.5 to know it is inappropriate so she parrots the phrases she hears. This would not normally happen because she wouldn't usually spend that much time with an older class.

She needs to learn what is appropriate and changing nursery is such a big upheaval. In 6 months time she will be in the pre school room whatever nursery she goes to.

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