I work 10 minutes walk away from where I live.
I used to work short shifts during the middle of the day and my husband knew that immediately when I came back from work, I just wanted 5 minutes with a cup of tea and to be left in peace
I've recently changed my working hours to full days and because of some upheavals at work which have unsettled everyone, I thought that on two particular days each week, it might make sense to come home from lunch in order to get a bit of space from a tricky working atmosphere. My husband who is retired is often at home during the day. I told him really clearly that on these days I'd rather not sit down and have lunch with him, so please would he not wait for me or make anything. I just wanted to grab some toast and a cup of tea to eat quietly on my own. So far there have been 4 days - spread over two weeks - of this new regime.
Day 1. Husband arrives home partway through my lunchbreak I've spent at home and makes a great play of how he's timed this specially to give me space.
Day 2. I nearly buy some chips on my way home. I get back to find my husband has made lunch for us both and is waiting for my return. I feel a) glad I didn't buy the chips b) startled. I decide c) it is a goodwill gesture on his part after a disagreement the previous evening, so eat the lunch without further argument.
Day 3. Husband is out . I had known this was likely and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Day 4 (today). I know he is going to be in all day, and emphasise at breakfast that he does not need to make anything. I am very happy to make my own arrangements. At lunchtime I buy chips and wander home to find he has made lunch, set the tabel and is waiting for me. I say, 'I've been eating chips. I don't want this,' and go into another room. After work today, I go over the whole thing with him. Why has he kept making lunch for me, when I've told him I don't want him to. What I actually need is a break from being with people and talking with him.
He says, 'I want to look after you and I know that you sometimes need a few minutes immediately after you come in. So if you don't want to eat lunch straight away, that's fine.'
I have said that I feel really frustrated that he can't listen to what I want - and told him that it's going to be much less trouble to take a sandwich to work and have my lunch there - or else go to the nearest park/have a walk.
But I feel really upset about not having been listened to and not being given space at home.
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... about the lunch problem?
213 replies
kinloss · 25/07/2016 21:18
OP posts:
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