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Witnessed domestic violence today, and feel like I didn't do enough.

(21 Posts)
LateJuly Mon 25-Jul-16 17:06:43

Had pulled over into a shady, quiet car parking space to take a migraine prescription and sit safely for a while.

After a short while a car pulled up 10 metres or so to the side of me (but 90 degrees differently orientation so I could see the rear of the car through the rear side of mine).

There was Prolonged shouting and that caught my attention, I glanced around over my shoulder and the male driver was shaking the female passenger. Not totally clear, but with the shouting I surmised not good.

It then quiet ended for a bit and I just sat quietly, head pounding.

Then it all started again, resulting in more shaking of passenger, loud noises and him hanging her handbag out of her reach out of his window. Then more shouting and violence,

I called 999 and reported . It calmed down a bit and there was periodic shouting.

He then got out car and stormed away to The drive through, leaving his door open, taking keys and her bag. She sat there sobbing.

The police then turned up with sirens and lights, pulled up behind car and went to the woman. Trying to keep out it at this point, it appears she mollified them, he came storming back and soon the police went off. He then started shouting at her, I stayed for a while, then it calmed down and nothing else happened. And they drove away.

I guess she was too scared to report him? But should the officers have dug a bit further? They didn't really look around for any sign of who reported. I was too scared to show my face in case of repercussions. Now I feel like shit, and worried for this unknown woman.

( little aside, my youngest 2 were victims of robbery in local park the other day and I'm really tender about being a victim at the mo, so I guess this and an excruciating migraine caused me to only bystand).

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Mon 25-Jul-16 17:08:47

I think you did all you could.

You were in a lay by with a thumping headache. Not much more you could have done.

apple1992 Mon 25-Jul-16 17:16:29

Well done for what you did! Don't stress about doing more - I don't think it would have been sensible to have intervened further.

NavyandWhite Mon 25-Jul-16 17:17:10

Good on you for dialling 999! I know I would have wanted to help the woman but I'm not sure I would have thought about doing that!

Hope your migraine has gone.

scurryfunge Mon 25-Jul-16 17:20:54

I think you did exactly the right thing. Well done. I agree the police should have probed further but who knows what was said or justified.

BorpBorpBorp Mon 25-Jul-16 17:22:52

You didn't only bystand. You did exactly the right thing to call 999, imo. Getting involved yourself could have made the man behave more badly towards her or could have put you in danger.

davos Mon 25-Jul-16 17:34:29

I think you did the right thing.

A few years ago me and dh ran a business in town. A woman outside in the street was being dragged by her hair. They were screaming and shouting at each other.

Dh ran out and confronted the bloke. Which resulted in the man attacking dh and the woman then joining in. Both me and dh are pretty handy, since we practise martial arts and between us we managed to restrain them. But dh needed hospital treatment, stitches to his face and cracked ribs.

Quite honestly I think (can't say 100%) I would never intervene again. Phoning the police would be what I would do in future.

Rosae Mon 25-Jul-16 17:47:05

They will probably have clocked His number plate and got an address. Likely they will follow up in a day or so at a time when he isn't home if they can. That is normal procedure if the woman chooses not to take up help at the time. I don't know what else you could have done. X

c3pu Mon 25-Jul-16 17:51:48

I think you did everything you could without putting yourself into danger. Good on you.

PersianCatLady Mon 25-Jul-16 17:57:58

Unfortunately sometimes women just aren't ready to accept the help that is offered to them in these kinds of situations.

You should rest easy knowing that at least you tried and at least now the police are aware of the couple.

I hope your migraine has passed and you stop being so hard on yourself.

YeOldMa Mon 25-Jul-16 17:58:54

Well done for calling 999. The thing is, the police can only do so much. One day the lady might want to press charges, hopefully before she is seriously hurt, but they can't do much if she refuses to play ball.

MaudeandHarold Mon 25-Jul-16 18:09:46

I intervened in a DV incident in a John Lewis a couple of Christmas ago. It.was frightening, and horrible. Store staff were useless, and the Police disinterested. I'm.so glad my partner is a martial artist, because otherwise I'd have been punched by a drunken violent cunt. I still.worry about the poor woman and am angry that my kids had to see that.b

MaudeandHarold Mon 25-Jul-16 18:13:43

Oh and well done. You weren't well, and you did what you could .

AdmiralData Mon 25-Jul-16 18:17:44

You did more than could have reasonably been expected Op especially as you aren't well, I know from personal experience that migraines can completely floor you. I hope it has abated now. My sister has a dp who abuses her and the police were called on one occasion in particular and took it all very seriously, safety alarms in the home etc Perhaps as another poster suggested the police will take further action in a day or so when the abuser isn't home?

Cubtrouble Mon 25-Jul-16 18:28:20

Well done. You did the right thing. Never get involved unless you can deal with the consequences.

I once lived in a flat in the middle of nowhere in a converted mill, the neighbour downstairs were id say 50-60, I was 21 and alone for afternoons and most of the evening, they were heavy drinkers judging recycling bin. They would come home and start rowing, I could hear everything being in an old building including him hitting her. I was terrified to call the police because it would have been obvious who called them and it wouldn't have taken much for him to break my door open (glass)

A few months later they moved 😞

MewlingQuim Mon 25-Jul-16 18:46:51

I think you did the right thing and I don't think you could have done more.

A few years ago now I saw a man ranting at a woman in a parked car in a hospital carpark. He was going crazy at her, the whole car was shaking and she was sobbing. Their baby was in the back sad I stood there for a minute watching and wondering what to do and then shouted at the man to leave her alone, he then started ranting at me to fuck off. I walked away and went to hospital security who ran off to find him. I don't know what happened after, sometimes I wish I had done more but I think he could have turned violent at me. I still think of that poor woman and her baby, I always hope she left him and they have a happier life now.

I have been in a DV relationship and I know that sometimes it can be just the shock and horror in someone else's face (or the police being called by a stranger) that makes you realise this is not right .

KayTee87 Mon 25-Jul-16 18:49:39

You did exactly what you should have done, if anything maybe the police didn't do enough but you did plenty.

dolkapots Mon 25-Jul-16 18:53:21

Well done OP, you did the best thing. No need to feel guilty.

An elderly woman i know lived in a block of flats and her neighbour was in a violent relationship. One day after a row the neighbour (woman in her early 20's) came out into the communal hallway, screaming and crying begging for help. My friend let her in, phoned the police etc. She was very shaken up, police put victim in touch with WA etc. The next day the man was banging my friend's door in, along with the woman(!) calling her all the names of the day. My friend had to be moved that day, the police said he posed a serious risk.

OP I hope your DS's are ok and the scumbags get caught.

NellyMelly Mon 25-Jul-16 18:56:52

You did the best and safest option. Good for you to have taken action

CoolCarrie Mon 25-Jul-16 19:32:36

.you did the right thing and you couldn't have done more. A friend of mine intervened in a domestic and both the man & woman turned on her. She ended up with a broken wrist, her glasses smashed and bruises. Thankfully the police arrested both of them and my friend got compensation out of them for her glasses.

LateJuly Tue 26-Jul-16 14:21:11

Thanks all for reassurance.

Spent the night worried that my intervention might have made life harder on her.

But I guess for a moment she knew that people care.

sad

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