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Weird friendship dynamic

(7 Posts)
WhatTimeIsItCuckoo Mon 25-Jul-16 14:54:04

Hi all, after opinions and/or similar experiences please:

I've been part of a friendship group for a few years now and one of the women is a natural organiser so is always arranging things then micro managing everyone which can be a bit wearing tbh, though I do join in on most things providing I can and I want to. However a sort of 'inner clique' within the group has somehow formed and I constantly feel like I don't fit in and am being pushed out, even slightly resented at times. These people are also so influential within the wider group that even one of the others who I've always got on really well with can change towards me when they're there. If I'm on my own with any of them though they're completely different and couldn't be nicer. I just don't get it. AIBU to feel so upset about this or should I just shrug and let it go? Please be nice as I'm feeling a bit sad and confused about it all. TIA.

seaviewplease Mon 25-Jul-16 15:02:54

YANBU to be upset, absolutely not. They are behaving badly. Everyone is going to tell you to ignore the ad behaviour though and they will be right.

Can you talk to a trusted member of the group, gently air your concerns and see how it goes down. I'm very sensitive and am tightly tuned into group dynamics and reactions and interpret it as a reflection on how people feel about me. That's not always right though and people just behave as they do and you'll be told that none of it is intentional....

Try and shrug off the bad behaviour and enjoy the good bits, bit like toddler taming!

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 25-Jul-16 15:09:35

These things happen naturally though and you can't force your way into the 'inner' group or stop them feeling as they do. If they have more natural affinity with each other then this will happen.

I would just act as normal around them all whoever is there or not, either the dynamic will change back at some point or the group constitution will change a bit, these things are never static.

You may be feeling more excluded than you need due to feeling left out and reading into behaviours.

WhatTimeIsItCuckoo Mon 25-Jul-16 15:12:45

Thanks seaview smile. Yes my husband thinks I should say something but I know if I do that I'll instantly regret it as it'll get interpreted as me being over sensitive and probably only alienate me further. I am a very sensitive person but I'm also very genuine and open with everyone. Perhaps that's sometimes my downfall idk. I'm usually quite intuitive and a pretty good judge of character though so I'm certain I'm not imagining it sad

WhatTimeIsItCuckoo Mon 25-Jul-16 15:14:44

Yes you could be right MyKingdom, thank you smile

seaviewplease Mon 25-Jul-16 15:20:27

Don't say anything if it's not your style. I have done it in the past and then had the extra worry that I came across as overly sensitive and precious.
Why not just cool off for a time and explore some other avenues of friendship or interests. It may just be time for a move around in the group. I see this with the DCs and their school mates from time to time.
Above all, don't worry about it!

WhatTimeIsItCuckoo Mon 25-Jul-16 15:44:15

Thanks again seaview, appreciated smile. MyKingdom I agree with your points totally but just wanted to clarify that I wouldn't want to force myself into the inner group at all. It saddens me that there is now a group within a group who seem to be calling all the shots iyswim. It seems be have caused a division and I constantly feel like I'm on the outside. I get that there's nothing I can do though, will just try to woman up and be myself then if people don't like it, tough! grin

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