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To tell MIL to F off!

(301 Posts)
mrsbrightside3 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:04:23

More like was I being unreasonable to tell MIL to fuck off.... kinda too late now as i've already done it.

Just about had enough and finally told her what I think of her.

Bit of a back story - Been with dh for 2 years, married for 9 months. MIL clearly has issues with me and prefers dh's exw.

I have been LC with MIL since our wedding day after she was rude and quite disrespectful. MIL pops in at the weekend to collect some tools the dh borrowed from her dh, she hasn't been to our house since xmas (she hasn't been invited). She took one look at our relatively new photo collage in the hall and commented that it was inappropriate as it might upset dh's dc. They were not allowed to come to our wedding, their mother prevented them from attending.

My dh replied that we wanted pics of our happy day up regardless and we weren't going to live our life like that - we have nothing to hide. She then commented that I should at least remove the pics of my children from the collage! One of my dc (age 16) was in the kitchen at the time and heard.

I went mental at her, she was the straw that broke the camels back. I asked her to leave / told her to fuck off and that she was not welcome in my house anymore and that I want nothing to do with her.

So thats it, I have now sworn with her. I don't have time patience for people like this in my life. AIBU? Over dramatic? Cutting my nose of to spite my face etc?

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:06:40

Umm nope you crack on lovely wine

toadgirl Mon 25-Jul-16 14:06:43

I don't know. If your DH is on board with you, maybe it's better this way?

I had a gutful of my MIL and her PA nonsense and I now wish I'd stood up for myself.

I wouldn't put up with that shit if I had my time over.

NavyandWhite Mon 25-Jul-16 14:08:27

Why does she prefer the exW to you?

SlimCheesy2 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:09:33

I'm with you. Had similar in my life from Dh's 'friends' and wish I had put my foot down so hard I got splinters years ago.

toadgirl Mon 25-Jul-16 14:09:57

I could be wrong, but from everything I've read about this behaviour from MILs, it's not that she actually prefers the ExW or ExG - it's just a stick to beat you with. If you divorced and your DH remarried, you'd likely be spoken well of to the new wife (just to piss you of).

ViviPru Mon 25-Jul-16 14:10:00

There's loads of back story to this isn't there.

toadgirl Mon 25-Jul-16 14:10:21

*just to piss HER off (new wife)...I meant to say.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 25-Jul-16 14:10:23

To be honest I see where she is coming from, a happy and important family day displayed in your hallway with some of the family not there is a bit upsetting and will make them feel left out.

Sounds like there is a huge back story with your MIL here, but in this instance alone I would say you handled it badly.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 25-Jul-16 14:12:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite Mon 25-Jul-16 14:12:41

Obviously the MIL feels for her GC not being in the picture.

Why didn't the exW let the DC go to your wedding?

There is absolutely a backstory.

bloodyteenagers Mon 25-Jul-16 14:13:07

Why did mum stop the dc's from attending the wedding?

WalrusGumboot Mon 25-Jul-16 14:14:53

Oh come on Elsa think about it.

OP. Your house, your photos, your wedding, why the hell shouldn't you display them? The children's mother ruined the day for your dsc not you.

davos Mon 25-Jul-16 14:15:45

I can see how she is more concerned for her GC than her step GC. Was your 16 year old really that horrified that a woman may have been concerned her GC would be upset at seeing these photos?

Mil is definitely wrong. She can't expect you to pretend the wedding didn't happen because hers sons ex wouldn't let their kids come. But I can see how she would be concerned or would upset the kids.

The issue here is that you have gone complete over board over something quite minor. Which will end up with you looking unreasonable. Although the build up this maybe huge.

mrsbrightside3 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:16:31

I don't to come across as MIL hater! I really love my exMIL and still visit her and help her out (she is in her 80s now).

I'm not used to having such a controlling vicious person in my life. I've managed to to keep her at a distance as I could see what she was going to be like. It's not like me ot put up with crap from people like that. She is used to walking over her husband and three sons (including dh) and even her grandkids.

She doesn't have anything to do with dh's exw now (as she has been unreasonable over access), but she has made comments to me about how much she used to like her, how much they got on, she was the daughter she never had etc. It took her ages to believe dh that his exw was EA - although she sees it now.

I think its just a case of her not being able to manipulate me and my dc like she can her own children / other DILs and grandchildren.

Jackie0 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:17:23

It was unfair that your he's children couldn't attend their dad's wedding.
What on earth was the thinking behind that?
You won't regret standing up for yourself op, it's much worse to seeth quietly

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Mon 25-Jul-16 14:18:14

Regardless of any backstory, you are allowed to have whatever photos you want IN YOUR OWN HOME.

Are you all supposed to pretend that you're not married?

Crack on wine chocolate

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 25-Jul-16 14:18:22

Oh come on Elsa think about it.

I did, and I can see how it would be upsetting for the children who didn't attend.

Im not saying it was ops fault, just that I see where the MIL is coming from and that it could have been handled better.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Mon 25-Jul-16 14:18:49

How old are your DH's children?

NavyandWhite Mon 25-Jul-16 14:21:18

So what's your DH's stance?

mrsbrightside3 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:23:37

I wasn't the OW or anything like that. Although dh rushed his divorce through so we could get married.

No, my 16 year old wasn't fussed by her comment, he kinda shrugged it off - but the point I was making was that this should not have been brought up like that.

its not like its a massive collage - it only has a few small pics in it.

Dh's exw starting witholding contact from dh last June once she heard we were getting married. He took her to court and got access back a few weeks before the wedding. The wedding didn't fall on his allocated weekend and their mother wouldn't swap or give him an extra day.

mrsbrightside3 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:27:26

Dh's children are 6 and 4. He has them eow now (when his ex plays ball)

Mine are all teenage.

My dh just feels stuck in the middle. His stance is that it is our home and we should have pics up where we want and of what we want. He knows his mum has been unreasonable over this and many other things.

He says he doesn't blame me for my actions and NC going forward. He says it will be awkward on special occasions / xmas etc but he respects my decision.

I don't want to make my dh life hell over this, but I just know that if I hadn't set the tone now I would be pulling my hair out for years on end!

NavyandWhite Mon 25-Jul-16 14:30:32

I understand OP.
It's never easy when there's ex's involved. Take a breather and let the dust settle. See how you feel in a few weeks. You may have given her the sharp shock she needed to understand that she can't treat you like that but then you might not.

I suppose your DH can see his mum on his own over at her house.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Mon 25-Jul-16 14:31:18

He sounds non fussed over his children so maybe MIL feels she has to stand up for them. A fast wedding barely after divorce couldn't have been great for them.

If he wanted them at the wedding he wouldn't have rushed his divorce through and would have planned it on a day he did have contact or delayed it until it was sorted.

blindsider Mon 25-Jul-16 14:33:08

To be honest I see where she is coming from, a happy and important family day displayed in your hallway with some of the family not there is a bit upsetting and will make them feel left out.

How is it people actually think like this??? There is barely a house in the land that doesn't display wedding photos. If his ExW wasn't such a bitter woman her kids would have been in the photo. Stopping her kids going to their fathers wedding is just pathetic controlling behaviour which is not putting her kids welfare first.

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