To be annoyed at DH?(21 Posts)
Light hearted post, just need a rant.
As a preface, I love him to pieces. He's amazing and I wouldn't swap him for the world but, fucking hell, does he get on my tits sometimes!!
We went out on Saturday with our DD to the shops. Sunday morning he realises he can't find his wallet. Doesn't bother his arse to look for it because we "won't need it today". Doesn't bother his arse to look for it last night either. He wakes me at 06:00 this morning to ask me where it is.
"I don't know! Look for it!"
"But I'm late for work!"
"Then why the shit didn't you look for it last night instead of waiting until this bloody morning?!?" Muttered murderously under my breath.
Helped him hunt around a bit to no avail.
He goes off to work and I drop DD off at nursery. Head back home (I work from home a few days a weeks) to a barrage of texts about can I check here and can I check there, etc etc etc.
I've checked the whole bloody house and car, nowhere to be found. Then he asks me to call the shops we went to on Saturday to see if it's been handed in and if I can check all our accounts.
AIBU to scream inside my own head, "find your own damn wallet and stop assuming it's my job to find it for you!!"?
May be slightly over reacting due to him losing his copy of our joint credit card about a month ago, and of course then mine had to be cancelled too. Had to go almost two weeks before replacements turned up which was a ballache as I'd just done unpaid jury service and my bank balance was woefully low.
Also 22 weeks pregnant and not enjoying the heat so I have a little bit of the rage just in general at the moment.
He has this unfounded assumption that I am the keeper of all knowledge and the locations of things he can't be arsed to keep track of.
He'll ask me where something is that is literally always in the same damn place. I'm a neat freak so everything we own "lives" somewhere. But every bloody time, "where are the dettol wipes?" "Cupboard under the sink, like always." "Where are my pants?" "Bedside drawer! Same as the last three years!" "Where are DD's nappies and wipes?" "In her bedroom cupboard! Same as they have been for 2.5 years!!" Where are my keys?" "In your bloody hand!!!!!!" It's infuriating.
Rant over. Kettle on. Feet up. Feel better now
You should read the thread about useless partners.
I just wouldn't even bother to look for it at all. His wallet, his issue.
See my DP thinks he's smart by buttering me up with a compliment first. Like, "babe, because you're so good at finding things, could you see if you can find me..."
he'd be dead if he woke me at 6fuckingAM
and I know this is supposed to be lighthearted but how endearing do you find this...really? truly?? deep down?? Cos it is not going to get any better while you indulge him.
I can't get my head round this behaviour - if I lost my wallet, I'd be the complete opposite, dropping everything else, and running around until I found it.
I'm afraid I'd have sent him back to the shops and to retrace his steps as soon as he knew it was missing - a wallet is too important to be so casual about
Don't look for it! You are just enabling him. Sounds like he needs a tough lesson.
Yanbu he's a twunt. Your 22 weeks ffs you dont need this shite. Make him look/ring do the job himself. Hope the tea is helping with your rage
You can't be annoyed... It was the unwritten wedding vow... Love/honour/respect... (Become his surrogate mother)
Don't know don't know don't know is my mantra now.
Dp. Have you seen...
Dp.When did you last see it
Me. Errr yesterday
Dp.where did you last see it
Me.on the side in the kitchen
Dp. are you sure you last saw it there
Kept on till I go up.
For years I was the keeper of all knowledge. I point blank refuse to get involved in the fuckwittery game of 'shit I couldn't be bothered to look for something when I had time and now I'm late'
NO ONE helps me look for stuff, no one reminds me what shit to take. So I have bowed out. I feel so much better.
DH uses my unique talent for being able to find things to his advantage. It's not really a talent, more a determination and hatred of losing things. So he'll glance into a room then shout "Champagne, where's my tie?" and if I don't know where it is he knows not knowing will make me anxious about not knowing and then I'll look for it until it's found.
The one superpower I have cultivated in my family is the ability to find things - I enjoy the challenge!
Sometimes, I find I can find things simply by sitting down and thinking systematically round the house - when it works, it's great to get up and march triumphantly to the right spot and pull out the lost item.
Oh Daddaddad l do that too. They are all in awe of my finding ability.
Op a great phrase l have found with dh and ds who both do this " oh lm sure you will find it" they usually do. Actually always do.
I've stopped looking and assisting him. He doesn't bring it to me now. It's his responsibility. I still get anxiety from it but it's so much better. He's taken it on board so much more.
Sheepishly updating. Called the shops and no joy. Came home after picking up DD and husband and we asked DD if she knew where daddy's wallet was. She said, "yes mummy, I put it under the sofa!"
Lo and behold it was exactly where she said it was. Oops!!!
Glad it turned up (before you had to cancel all the cards etc)
Always amuses me how kids really enjoy putting things somewhere safe
I remember DD going through a spate of hiding things as a toddler. DP worked in another city and spent the week there and weekends with us, so i think they were often attempts to stop him leaving.
One time his car keys " might have fallen down the drain" (kerbside) and another time his phone was hidden down the back of an armchair
I recently got annoyed with dp for always assuming I am the queen of the washing, despite us both working full time.
Until one weekend when I only washed my own work clothes and left his on the bedroom floor where he had left them on Friday night.
The following Monday was satisfying 'where are my clothes.' .. 'don't know, maybe on the floor where you left them'
Needless to say he seems to pitch in a bit more now.
Maybe yours needs to have a go at having to find something himself in order to learn you're not the magic-find-things-fairy
Jesus he's casual about his cards isn't he. Weren't you both worried sick? Glad found but that's really casual cavalier behaviour.
Someone could have racked up thousands on your cards and by not stopping them at once you could have been in serious financial trouble.
DH's version of looking for things goes like this:
DH: 'Penelope, have you seen my red t shirt?'
Me: 'It'll be in your drawer, where all your t shirts are'
DH: 'But I've looked in there and it's not there'
Me: <sigh> 'Bet it is' <looks in drawer, finds shirt in two seconds>
DH: 'But I opened the drawer and couldn't see it! It must have been under my other shirts!'
I adore him though, the scatty git
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