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AIBU?

DS touched by a girl

87 replies

StephoooH · 25/07/2016 01:51

My DS was being bullied for his hair colour, a couple of months ago, things were sorted. I'm not really sure if that's relevant as this doesn't seem like it's related, but the headteacher has been really great and like a mentor to him, has been checking in with him everyday. Can't knock him.

I'm really, really, really frustrated that this happened on the last day of term (Friday) as the head didn't seem fussed at all.

DS told me about this incident in the playground, they were doing a dress up day for the last day and DS went as Thing 1, without a thing 2 (unfortunately his friend was unwell) but there was 2 girls the year above who did the same thing. The girl 'Thing 2' was following around DS. They don't even know each other, DS is in Yr 4, she is in Yr 5.

DS is quite shy and tried to avoid conversation, but she was very persistent and ended up aggressively touching him in an inappropriate way. If that makes sense, really no need to go TMI.

I phoned up the head, who said that he hadn't checked in with DS as it was the last day, which wasn't even the issue, but he seems to think that if he would have checked in with DS it wouldn't have happened so was too focused on that.

I'm not really sure what to do...

I would have posted this on Friday, but then DD got ill . Any advice would be great

OP posts:

Report

whatamockerywemake · 25/07/2016 02:00

Unless he's been touched so intimately it's a criminal offence, I think you have to let it go. Sorry, but it's 6 weeks off. No one's around. And no one's going to investigate this is September.

If she (basically) wanked him off or something, then call the police. Otherwise, I think you have to move on. Not belitteling, just being realistic.

Sorry!

Lillygolightly · 25/07/2016 02:18

I absolutely understand your concern and think your very troubled by the heads reaction.

Remember however that kids are curious about their bodies and each other's bodies. The girl in question doesn't sound predatory though I don't know the details and obviously you do. If it wasn't a predatory incident then I would expect the head to have a quiet word with the girls parents and have a discussion with the child regarding appropriate/inappropriate touching.

Take this time to have a talk with your DS and be there for him. Hopefully he just felt uncomfortable with the situation and the girls. However if he is genuinely traumatised about the incident it needs handling very gently and carefully so that hopefully it doesn't leave a lasting scar on his childhood.

From the details you've given its hard to determine how serious this incident is so I hope my advice doesn't seem to flippant.

I hope your son is ok.

trafalgargal · 25/07/2016 02:24

I think to get proper advice you need to be specific about the nature of the touching and what was said.

If you were this vague with the head on one of the busiest days of the school year I can see why he brushed it off.

StephoooH · 25/07/2016 02:28

No, I wasn't this vague to the head. She pulled on his genitals, wouldn't let go when she was asked. Finally let go.

OP posts:

steff13 · 25/07/2016 03:00

I would consider that harassment, but I don't know how old year 5 is. 5th grade where I live is age 11 or 12.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 25/07/2016 03:15

Year 5 is 9 to 10 in the UK.

trafalgargal · 25/07/2016 03:19

I'd ut it in writing to the head you need a paper trail and the school can't be seen to ignore a letter.......however I wonder if the head's reaction was the same as mine - that such behaviour can be a marker of abuse (if it is he can't t say anything to you) in a ten year old little girl.. He may have been focusing more on how to deal more with a potentially abused ten year old.

VioletBam · 25/07/2016 05:01

Tell the police.

I would.

THis is not ok and could indicate abuse for the girl.

Isetan · 25/07/2016 05:26

Your son was assaulted. Contact the head immediately (I don't give a flying fuck about the holidays) and be very clear that if you do not hear from him within a few days, you will be contacting the Police.

I am so so sorry this happened to your son.

Sparklingbrook · 25/07/2016 05:45

How would you go about contacting the Head teacher in the holidays?

FruitCider · 25/07/2016 05:58

I would definitely encourage DS to report to the police. It's sexual assault and doesn't mean it's any less serious because he's a boy!

Liz09 · 25/07/2016 06:10

Your poor son.

I second Isetan and their line of approach. I think it's important to contact the head again (in writing as well as verbally) and be very clear that something needs to be done here and if it isn't addressed immediately, it will become a police issue. It's not the kind of situation where you want to cut out the middle man, but if the school makes no efforts on this issue, it is something you should do.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 06:18

Get on school website and start trawling it for contact details - Head, Chair of Governors etc. If you live close to the school, go there as the Head ( if he's anything like ours) will be in working.

Failing that, I'd send a strongly worded email and hope for a response. This isn't a school yard squabble that will cool- off through the holidays, this to me is serious and will need addressing one way or t'other.

I really hope your DS is ok.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 25/07/2016 06:40

At her age (I'm assuming she's 10 now), she should know better that to touch someone else innapropriately like that.

It doesn't make it any less serious because she's a girl doing it to a boy.

Follow some of the advice on here. Just because it's the 6 weeks holidays it doesn't mean you should let this drop.

LynetteScavo · 25/07/2016 06:40

I don't think the fact that the other child is a girl has anything to do with this.

A 10year old child grabbed his genitals - they need to be told off by a teacher: not the police.

Did your DS tell a teacher it happened?

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 25/07/2016 06:41

I hope your DS is ok OP.

UnexpectedBaggage · 25/07/2016 06:43

Email the HT and ask her/him to get in touch as a matter of urgency. It's quite likely the HT has gone off on holiday but will check emails on return.

MeridianB · 25/07/2016 06:45

I can't believe the people saying leave it because it's the holidays. Sod that!

This doesn't sound like horseplay - she followed him around and then assaulted him. There's no way it was accidental. If this was an older boy following/harassing and then touching a younger girl in this way and failing to stop when asked, I think the response here would be very different.

Op, hope your DS is doing OK. Do you have a way of contacting the head outside of school? If not then I would be calling 101.

Flashbangandgone · 25/07/2016 06:58

A 10year old child grabbed his genitals - they need to be told off by a teacher: not the police.

This is absolutely not a 'telling off' issue - shocked that you think it is. If it were, then it could be left, but to grab onto someone penis, pull, and not let go when asked is sexual assault and is a child welfare and police matter.

Would you be saying its just a ticking off matter if a boy stuck his fingers up a girls vagina unsolicited and refused to take them out?

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 25/07/2016 07:00

If this was an older boy following/harassing and then touching a younger girl in this way and failing to stop when asked, I think the response here would be very different

I think that too.

RosieandJim89 · 25/07/2016 07:21

I agree, if a boy was following a girl and touching her inappropriately everyone would be saying call the police.

I see no difference now we know the details.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 25/07/2016 07:30

Most primary schools will have staff in and working on site for a good portion of the holidays, the HT will be among them and most HT and deputies keep up with emails, there are usually only a couple of weeks when they're actually on holiday.

I would not leave this to September.

GoblinLittleOwl · 25/07/2016 07:36

Spend your holiday teaching your son how to respond to bullying.There was a very sensible comment on here a few days ago on an adult bullying thread referring to research about bullying, showing that everyone was fed potential bullying remarks but most turned it away with a flippant remark. Sorry not to be able to give you more details, but suggest it would be more helpful to research self-help books about how to contest bullying than pursuing the Headteacher, who has given every possible support to your son, through his holidays, and indeed, expecting him to protect your son every single day in the forthcoming year.

branofthemist · 25/07/2016 07:37

How would you go about contacting the Head teacher in the holidays?

Our school repairs to emails over the holidays. People are often in and I know the head has access to emails at her home. She once emailed me at 10pm at night.

This needs to be taken further, a lot further.

Ebony69 · 25/07/2016 07:44

How is the OP supposed to contact the Head? Yes, she may be able to access emails if she checks (unlikely) but she'll be on holiday now. I do think it needs to be addressed with the Head on return to school though. I am concerned that there are two victims here - the OP's son and the girl who may be a victim. In the meantime I would contact social services about this who may choose to investigate, although I'm not sure it would fulfil the threshold.OP, how is your son now?

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