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To think being a single parent of 2 won't be massively different to of 1?

(56 Posts)
chaserubbleandskye Mon 25-Jul-16 00:36:11

DH and I have seperated before. He's a good dad though and he's always provided financially.
Both of us would like another child. Fertility issues involved and time against us.

My DF thinks "it would be best you don't have anymore actually, you don't have enough practical support"

I probably don't. But I cope. Should I deny any chance of another child based on the possibility that I will be a single mum to another?

I think it hurts most as I know I may not be able to have any more, fertility wise it may not happen.

However is it so unreasonable to choose to take that chance? The child would still have a dad even if our relationship didn't survive long term

Alasalas2 Mon 25-Jul-16 00:55:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 25-Jul-16 00:58:06

How old are you? How supportive is DH (X?) when you aren't together? How much do you rely on DF?

ReallyTired Mon 25-Jul-16 01:02:17

I am sorry you have fertility issues.

Life gets more complex once you have two children. It's not just the additional cost, it's more work. It is harder to work full time with two young children. Children get sick, they want you to attend sports days or assemblies. It may not be financially viable to work while your children are ore schoolers.

I think it's unfair to bring a child into the world if your relationship is on the rocks. A second baby will put additional strain on any relationship.

DancingDinosaur Mon 25-Jul-16 01:05:16

It is harder with two on your own. It really is. But you settle in to a routine and get there in the end. I'm an only parent of two with very little support. But I'm glad I have them.

allthemoomins Mon 25-Jul-16 01:09:19

It really is harder with two, I was a single parent to my eldest before getting back together with his dad. We had a second child before separating again and even though he is supportive and helpful having the two kids is much harder than having one before.

IPityThePontipines Mon 25-Jul-16 01:15:16

It is massively harder with two and I'm not a single parent.

Were I in your situation, I'd stick at one. However I knew someone who despite knowing her marriage was on the rocks, wanted a third, had them and never regretted it.

followTheyellowbrickRoad Mon 25-Jul-16 01:41:35

I would go for it, if it's something you both want. Yes it's not ideal if your relationship isn't in a good place. But if you delay you may not get another chance

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Mon 25-Jul-16 01:43:14

I'm confused, sorry.

Are you separated now?

chaserubbleandskye Mon 25-Jul-16 02:14:07

Not seperated now. Giving it another go but prepared to concede it may not work out if we don't get past some issues

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Mon 25-Jul-16 02:16:07

Hmm. Well, difficult to say if some issues are unresolved.
But you say it's something you both want.

Are you going through counseling?

WanderingTrolley1 Mon 25-Jul-16 02:22:47

It's so much harder with two and I say this as someone with a partner.

In your situation, I wouldn't.

Snapandcrackle Mon 25-Jul-16 02:48:16

I had my second while separated (now divorcing) and do not regret it at all
It is harder but having two is better and it is all worth it
I wouldn't chnage a thing

ReallyTired Mon 25-Jul-16 07:11:13

Children are a blessing and I love having two children. I am married and it's still expensive and hard work. There is an impact on the first child.

branofthemist Mon 25-Jul-16 07:51:55

I am married and have 2 kids. 2 kids, uni, is far harder than 1.

Not so much when the youngest is a baby. But when you have 2 school schedules, 2 sets of appointments for them, 2 sets of play dates, after school clubs. Who is staying after school who isn't.

Me and dh split up when we only had one. We got back together and 2 years later had Ds. Being single with one wasn't easy but do able. I am glad me and dh have a great marriage because I know I would struggle to do it with 2. I am sure I could do it. But it would be bloody hard.

GoblinLittleOwl Mon 25-Jul-16 07:55:53

I would say this is deeply irresponsible.

Frazzled2207 Mon 25-Jul-16 07:59:33

I would say any relationship is more likely to survive the less children you have. We have two children and are generally happy though having the second child has put an enormous strain on our relationship.

In your situation i would be trying hard to see if your situation with dp is secure before considering ttc a dc2.

CuttedUpPear Mon 25-Jul-16 08:00:48

Shouldn't you be looking at making your relationship work (or not) with regard to your existing child before you start thinking about getting pregnant again?

It all sounds a bit wrong way round to me.

Frazzled2207 Mon 25-Jul-16 08:01:09

Ps not financially but practically and emotionally I find having 2 dc extremely hard work and that's with a supportive dh and lots of family help.

gabsdot Mon 25-Jul-16 08:01:26

In my experience 2 is not twice as much work it's about 6 times as much.

QueenofLouisiana Mon 25-Jul-16 08:02:07

As well as it affecting you, it will impact greatly on the child you already have. Should the relationship not work out, your DC will need to deal with the emotions that causes while also adapting to sharing parents with a new sibling.

You may want another DC, but is it truly the best option for your family?

NattyTile Mon 25-Jul-16 08:28:30

It's harder with two, especially when they are younger. But it's also double the love, and there's nothing like a sibling to play with, laugh with, fight with, and support each other once parents start getting older themselves.

It's foolish to think it won't be hard, but that doesn't at all mean it won't be worthwhile

LouSavage Mon 25-Jul-16 08:41:57

Why would you consider intentionally having another baby when your relationship is so rocky? Obviously it's unavoidable that sometimes relationships end when the children are already here but it's so irresponsible and selfish to actively plan it! You're thinking about what you want, not what would be best for a child. Sort the relationship out first.

Muddlingalongalone Mon 25-Jul-16 08:48:49

I was never a single parent to 1 but ExH left when Dd2 was 4 months old.
I would say it's more than twice as difficult to have 2.
It doesn't matter which 1 I have alone (school hols while baby at nursery or oldest at dad's) everything is calmer & easier

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Mon 25-Jul-16 08:50:44

Bonkers idea, sort your relationship first.

Having another child because you want one, regardless of the impact on others, is just selfish. You may not be able to rescue the relationship and your existing child will need a lot of support if that happens and your first throught is new baby??

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