AIBU?

(84 Posts)
Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:08:53

I booked dds men b vaccine appointment in a boots pharmacy. Its not local so i have to drive about an hour to get there (which is fine i would prefer it if dd was protected) dd is 2 and is ok with short journeys but she hates long journeys (think she gets bored even with toys etc..) so i asked dm if she could come just to keep dd entertained (so i could focus on getting us there, i don't really know how to get there so will be using sat nav) she normally looks after my brothers children but he agreed to look into alternative childcare or take a day off, he wasn't angry, he understood. I told dm that all day parking is only £4 so we could go out for the day, i'll treat her to some lunch, shopping etc.. I'm really looking forward to it, it'll be nice to get away and go somewhere we haven't been before. But today dm was trying to convince my other db to go with me (but thats the day he has his teenage children and he doesn't see them very often) so i said 'no its fine your coming with me it will be ok' but she looked unhappy hmm about an hour ago i noticed she still seemed unhappy and angry so i asked her if she was ok and she told me to go myself and that i need to learn how to do things by myself. This is the first time i've asked her to come on a long journey and we're going to be on a motorway the whole time and i don't want to suddenly get distracted and have an accident. Any other long journey has been on quiet roads so i have coped because there is normally places to pullover so i can calm dd down. I was quite hurt by this and i thought she was ok with it and that she wanted to come (she wanted to buy new glasses as the other ones have broken, she also looked really excited and df told her to spoil herself) i think my db has been moaning at her today about taking the day off and probably telling her not to go so she can look after the children, she looks after them 7 days a week so she deserves a break (he told me it was fine) what should i do? Talk to dm about the day out or attempt to make the journey on my own? I want her to come so she can have a nice girly day out and treat herself to something nice but i think she's been guilt tripped by db.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:09:29

Sorry its so long shock

Gazelda Sun 24-Jul-16 20:15:37

TBH, I wouldn't have even considered asking DM to accompany me on a 1 hour journey. And I certainly wouldn't have expected DB to look for alternative childcare or take a day of precious AL. So I think you have been unreasonable.
However, your DB did agree, which he obviously now regrets. He is being unreasonable.
And your DM should have been honest with you about the reasons for her change of mind, rather than sulking. So she is being unreasonable too.
Sorry! grin

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Sun 24-Jul-16 20:20:08

I feel a little sorry for your mum, does she really do childcare 7 days a week?

I don't understand why you needed her there because you're using a sat nav or driving on a motorway- are you a new and nervous driver? (If you are, you might want to consider booking some motorway driving lessons, they might help? )

Did you invite her so you could have a girly day together or do she could help you with the journey, because the way you've written it here it sounds like it was mainly the latter, maybe she felt that way too?

Perhaps call her and explain that you'd love to treat her to a nice day out but if she has other plans you'll invite your other db or a friend instead.

SaucyJack Sun 24-Jul-16 20:20:08

Your poor mum. When did she last get to have a day to herself without being expected to provide free childcare for any one of her grandchildren?

springwaters Sun 24-Jul-16 20:25:29

Are you a teenager? How long have you been driving?

fanjoforthemammaries Sun 24-Jul-16 20:28:14

I think it's fine to ask your mum to come and support you with this.

She sounds somewhat over committed to caring for your brothers kids tbh.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:32:48

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar i really hate using the sat nav whilst driving on a motorway but i'm going to look at the directions and memorise them. It was only supposed to be 5 days a week but they rope her into doing it on the weekend which df isn't happy with but he thinks its her decision. Df is more than happy with us all going out for a girly day and i would love it if she could join us, i'm sorry if it sounded like i only wanted her there for dds entertainment. I just think she deserves a nice day out without worrying and feeling guilty. If dd didn't need to be there i would look for childcare so it was just us two.

Henrysmycat Sun 24-Jul-16 20:33:59

I don't understand why people are having a go at the OP. Don't other children can see the parents? What is the deal that the OP's DM needs to provide childcare 7 days a week to her DB kids? Even nannies get time off and you as a working parent need to accommodate for that.
I would be annoyed too if I was in the OP place. And her DM sulking is redic.

NapQueen Sun 24-Jul-16 20:36:26

Yabu to think a 1 hour journey is Long. Yabu to need a second person there to entertain the little one. Keep her awake as long as possible and hopefully she will nap en route.

Yabu to need it to be your mum. She doesn't sound like she has much time to herself.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:36:48

springwaters im 22 and driving 3 years but i don't drive on a motorway as everything we need is local to us in town. Except this appointment, i don't know why its so far away theres a boots nearby. The other places were right in the centre of the city which is difficult to find parking and is also expensive. I chose this place as its a shopping centre, loads of things to do/see, easy to park and also cheaper parking.

NapQueen Sun 24-Jul-16 20:37:51

Can't you change it to the city centre place and get the bus?

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:40:05

Henrysmycat i think db has been moaning about it all day as shes not a sulky person.

NapQueen i don't drive a lot, so yes it is long to me.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:42:48

NapQueen i was looking at getting a train but with the delays im not sure. The bus takes longer to get to the city and if its quicker to get there by car i would prefer to do that and get it over and done with asap.

ThatsMyStapler Sun 24-Jul-16 20:42:59

My commute is over an hour

You could try an alternative route - avoiding motorways

i'd advise either park and ride or just bus/train

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 20:47:01

ThatsMyStapler i did look at getting a train but theres strikes going on which is causing delays and i'm not sure if that will be happening on the day we are going. But i will look into all methods of transport and choose the best one for us on the day.

bumsexatthebingo Sun 24-Jul-16 20:49:07

It does seem a bit odd that you want your db to take a day off work so your mum can entertain your dd on a car journey. Sometimes kids get upset on car journeys - you distract them with singing/radio and get on with it. Your dd will never get used to sitting in the back by herself if you always have someone in there with her.
Would it be possible to get a bus/train as an alternative? Then you could get childcare for a day to treat your mum. It's not really a break for her if she's having to entertain your dd.

roasted Sun 24-Jul-16 20:52:05

If DM provides childcare for DB 7 days a week, I wonder if "you need to learn how to do things on your own" was a comment she would have rather aimed at DB, but one which was easier to direct at you.

She sounds like she needs a break. Without any children there.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:00:16

If we took a bus it would take 1hr and 55mins and we would need 3 different buses. A train could take upto 1hr and 25 mins and we would still need to get 2 different trains. I asked db and he said it was fine maybe he's now regretting it? Dd normally sits in the back when its just us, this is the first time i've asked dm to come with me as we will be on the motorway. But i am going to look into the other routes that we can go and see if there is safe places to stop and if there is then dm won't need to come with us. But she looked really happy and excited to come with us and wanted to get some things for her holiday, new glasses etc..

nutellacrumpet Sun 24-Jul-16 21:03:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:03:17

roasted i'm looking forward to her going on holiday so she gets a decent break for a week but i know she'll be straight back to it when she comes back.

bumsexatthebingo Sun 24-Jul-16 21:04:44

It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that this day out is for your dm. Entertaining a toddler for an hour in the back of a car then shopping with a, probably cranky, recently jabbed toddler then entertaining them for the journey home isn't a day off for your dm!

Amy214 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:07:30

nutellacrumpet do you have to be nasty? Keep your horrible comments to yourself please.
bumsexatthebingo her appointment isn't until late afternoon so she wouldn't be a grumpy toddler all day.

Taylor22 Sun 24-Jul-16 21:08:33

An hour isn't long.

Bottom line is your mum doenst want to go. However nice you thought the day you had planned was it wasn't for her.

bumsexatthebingo Sun 24-Jul-16 21:10:53

Still Amy can you see that this is about making life easier for you and not a break for your mum.

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