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Think she should give me her holiday spending money?

(75 Posts)
SilkyGreyCat Sun 24-Jul-16 15:16:44

In May my mum borrowed £250 off me, she was off work so only had sick pay to live off (she's single and lives alone) and needed to get her car taxed so that she could use it to drive to work. She promised me she'd pay it back by my DDs birthday at the end of June as she'd be "back on her feet" by then.

The money came from mine and DHs savings so hasn't affected us Day-to-Day as DH works in a fairly well paid job, but it did completely deplete our savings down to about £50.

At the beginning of July I asked for the money, we use the savings for "emergenies" were we need a big sum of money immediately and I wanted the money back in our account incase something happened. She said she still couldn't pay me as she wasn't back up to her full hours at work due to being off for nearly 4 months (she had an operation in February). I was annoyed but let it go and hoped nothing went wrong in our house where we'd need the money.

Today I found out she has a holiday booked for the end of August which she booked in March while she was off, she borrowed the money to book it from my dad (her soon-to-be ex husband) who she's still friends with. My dads let her get away with not paying him back (he wants them to get back together) and I think she's expecting the same from me.

She keeps saying "I have about £300 spending money so far for my holiday I can bring my DGD (my DD) a lovely present back with that".

While we're not desperate for the money I do worry that our washing machine will break or I'll get ill and DH will have to take time off work to look after DD, which is what we'd use the money for.

So AIBU to ask for £250 of that for her to pay me back when she next mentions it? Otherwise I know we'll never get it back

FuzzyOwl Sun 24-Jul-16 15:22:55

Of course you aren't BU.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 24-Jul-16 15:25:20

YANBU! Make sure you get it soon or she'll never pay you back.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Sun 24-Jul-16 15:27:48

Just say you'd rather have the holiday money back than a present for DGD.

If you only have £50 left then you're not exactly swimming in money.

TheWitTank Sun 24-Jul-16 15:28:08

Yanbu. Ask her -persistently. She is trying to get away with paying you back, no doubt about it.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jul-16 15:29:20

YANBU. Parents borrowing off DC doesn't sit right with me, she's taking the piss.

Boysnme Sun 24-Jul-16 15:29:54

Ask for it back and then don't ever lend it again

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Jul-16 15:30:05

YANBU at all!

She's a chancer.

PurpleDaisies Sun 24-Jul-16 15:31:53

I agree with everyone-ask her for the money back.

If she won't give it to you all at once agree a plan for £150 now and then £50 every month.

hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jul-16 15:32:41

Yabu, I wouldn't want someone to pay me back and be left with £50 to go on holiday with.
Why do you need the spending money specifically?
Just get her to pay you back £50 a month or something.

CuboidalSlipshoddy Sun 24-Jul-16 15:33:33

Never lend money you cannot afford to lose. Never lend money to relatives that you will not give as a gift.

branofthemist Sun 24-Jul-16 15:36:22

I actually think Yabu.
This holiday was booked before.

You would be leaving her with no money for her holiday. Or is £300 just for dds present?

I wouldn't expect someone to cancel their holiday. I would be telling her I needed it back ASAP and set up a weekly/monthly payment.

MollyTwo Sun 24-Jul-16 15:36:49

I'm probably the only one but I think Yabu. She's your mum, can't imagine asking my mum back for the money. She's done so much for me, I would be glad to help. But if you really need it back then you could ask her.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jul-16 15:39:25

She used "borrowed" money to buy the holiday though bran. She clearly doesn't have a lot of respect for other people's money.

And I reiterate I think it's wrong parents borrowing off DC. Just wrong.

VioletBam Sun 24-Jul-16 15:39:37

I'm with Molly. My Mum lives alone and I could not IMAGINE getting annoyed about this.

Unless there's a big history and she was a shit Mum.

branofthemist Sun 24-Jul-16 15:41:08

She used "borrowed" money to buy the holiday though bran. She clearly doesn't have a lot of respect for other people's money.

Yes I am aware of that, but that's between her and her soon to be ex.

If the op knows she has form for borrowing money and not paying it back, why lend it?

I just wouldn't expect someone to give me their holiday money, to pay me back. Op asked for opinions and that's mine.

hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jul-16 15:43:37

I thought she'd borrowed the money to pay for it from her ex?

trafalgargal Sun 24-Jul-16 15:49:48

So Mum booked the holiday in March before she was off sick
Subsequently has had 4 months off so was very poorly
Probably could really benefit from a holiday after all that
You don't actually need the money right now and would rather your Mum cancelled her holiday just in case your washing machine might break down

Have I got that right ?

You sound a lovely daughter ,

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jul-16 15:52:41

No trafalgar, she booked the holiday when she was off sick with money she borrowed off her STBEXH. She then asked the OP for money 2 months later.

The OP clearly doesn't have a lot of disposable income and the "lovely daughter" crack you made is nasty.

HunterHearstHelmsley Sun 24-Jul-16 15:54:03

No she borrowed it in March. She has been off since February.

Mouikey Sun 24-Jul-16 15:55:38

She had the op in Feb, but booked the holiday in March? She probably knew she couldn't afford the money - are you sure she borrowed the money for car tax? did you pay it for her or did you jut give her the cash?

I would set up a payment plan over the next 4 months and clearly explain your situation to her. If you were rolling in it I'd say forget it because its your mum!

PersianCatLady Sun 24-Jul-16 15:57:58

How did you grow up to be such a reasonable and clear thinking person when your mother clearly doesn't have the same abilities?

I think you need to demand it back NOW!

Arfarfanarf Sun 24-Jul-16 15:58:49

So you want her to go on holiday with next to no money to spend so that you can have it in your bank in case your washer breaks down or something?

I think it was irresponsible of her to borrow money for a non essential like a holiday but she did and do you really think she should go away with nothing to spend? Cant even eat out while on holiday? Or do you think that she should cancel the holiday and lose the money?

You do need to sit down with her and be very clear thay not paying you back is not an option, if that's how you feel. Maybe suggest to her she pays you ten pounds a week.

If your husband is in a well paid job perhaps you could go without a few things to get that 250 back into savings quickly then the payment plan wont seem so bad.

300 is nothing for an emergency fund really, it might be a tiny buffer that makes you feel better but if you havent been able to replace it in all the months since your mum borrowed it, id say you're in trouble and need to start putting a bit by.

trafalgargal Sun 24-Jul-16 15:58:55

I still wouldn't ask her for her holiday money forcing her to cancel and lose what she paid for the holiday too. Why would you want to do that to anyone having a rough time let alone your Mum?

Why not just talk to her about paying you back in instalments ?

EarthboundMisfit Sun 24-Jul-16 16:05:05

She's hinting for you to write it off. Explain that you MUST have it back, and give a firm date.

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