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DD doesn't want to sleepover at her friends due to her parents.

(55 Posts)
IlikeCluedo Sat 23-Jul-16 22:52:32

So I want to know of I am being unreasonable to not send DD to sleepover at her friends house again and if so what should I say to the parents.

DD (10) has 2 friends. DD and Friend A have been best friends for years and slept over at each other's houses since about 8 years old.
Friend B moved to the school at the beginning of this year and has become friends with the girls. Bs parents have taken the girls to the cinema a couple of times but they haven't been on a day out etc before so they haven't spent much time with Bs parents. But B has had a few days out and sleepovers with us.

So B invited the girls for a sleepover the other day. So Bs mum picked up DD and friend A on Thursday. DD says that Bs mum said to the girls that they had to be extra nice to B because they had lost a family pet. DD said she was sorry to here that and she knows how B is feeling if she wants to talk as we have recently lost a pet. Bs mum said that was different as DD has siblings and B is an only so she will be sadder. DD is shy particularly around adults so she just said oh ok and let it slide.

The parents wanted to order food from a take away but we don't usually eat that particular cuisine as DD doesn't really like it. So she text me to ask what she might like. I replied and DD ordered it. But when it came the parents split all the food that everyone had ordered so everyone had a bit of everything. DD asked if she could just have what she likes. Parents said no as this is how they do it. DD said that she asked what they were having and they wouldn't tell her what it is and just kept using racist nicknames for the food as that is what the family calls them. DD didn't like a lot of it and said the portion was massive but tried to eat as much as possible. She left a bit as did A and the parents kept rolling there eyes and tutting at them.

The girls were then sent to bed at 9 as they were getting up early and told not to talk. DD and A were a bit put out as usually on sleepovers they stay up a bit later. B went to sleep straight away. DD and A were texting each other with their phones on silent. They heard the dad come at about 9:20 and DD managed to hide her phone but A was a bit slow. The dad really shouted at A and told her she was awful and disrespectful until A started crying and then he told her not to be a baby and left.

That morning the parents insisted that each girl have a shower and they had to watch a certain tv programme then complained that they were taking too long.

When they got out for lunch the DCs were only allowed a kids meal which had a sticker on them that said 8 and under. When they sat at the table the dad said A and DD had to pay for their meals now. We had given DD money just in case so she payed but A had only bought a couple of pound and as it was a big tourist attraction she couldn't afford it. The parents kept saying that they wouldn't carry on with the trip without the money and B was getting upset and then the parents were getting angry because B was upset. So in the end DD payed for the rest of As meal.

On the way home the mum was quizzing the girls about activities outside of school and comparing it to what she does with B. She asked A if her mum took her swimming and A said no because her mum says that she looks like a seal in her costume and she would scare the other swimmers. A then laughed as did DD. The mum shouted you had better not be laughing B. B said that she wasn't. The mum said good because it wasn't funny and she would be grounded if she laughed. A said sorry it was just a joke her mum says. The mum ignored her and then changed the subject.

Apparently as well as all that the parents were really spoiling B and B was playing up to it. They were insisting that B won every game and when she didn't win they were told they couldn't play it anymore.

DD has come home and said she doesn't want to go there again. She is happy for B to come here but she doesn't like Bs parents and doesn't want to spend time with them.
As mum has text me saying that her DD has given her the same story and she wanted to check that they were both telling the truth as A doesn't want to go there again and her mum doesn't want her to go there anyway.

So would I be unreasonable not to send DD there again. And if they offer and she doesn't want to go should I be honest and tell them that we aren't comfortable with them or should we just lie or make excuses.

janethegirl2 Sat 23-Jul-16 22:55:45

If your dd doesn't want to go, no way should you send her.

PerspicaciaTick Sat 23-Jul-16 22:56:31

Why would you or your DD want her to go there again? Sleepovers aren't compulsory.

It all sounds very peculiar.

LtGreggs Sat 23-Jul-16 22:58:27

Gosh that's quite long. Just do whatever you want.

DramaAlpaca Sat 23-Jul-16 22:58:46

Definitely don't send her if your DD doesn't want to go.

SpikyWater Sat 23-Jul-16 22:59:58

No don't send her again, they sound awful!

M0nstersinthecl0set Sat 23-Jul-16 23:00:08

That's an amazing amount of detail to say DD didn't like parents. She didn't like them. She doesn't have to go and she can invite her friend round. There's not a problem.
If they ask just "that doesn't work for us". Sleepovers tend to be infrequent. Things will change. Friends will cycle through. Meh.

EskSmith Sat 23-Jul-16 23:00:31

I would not send my dd into a situation where she felt uncomfortable. You need to support her, tell her she was right in her feelings and allow her to trust them.

DropYourSword Sat 23-Jul-16 23:00:32

Why would you even ask this? If she didn't enjoy herself she doesn't have to go back!

Buggers Sat 23-Jul-16 23:01:34

They sound foul. Don't send her backshock.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 23-Jul-16 23:02:00

Over my dead body would I send a rat back tgere. Let alone my child.
Making little girls cry, and making them psy for their own meals. The horrible hungry bastard. The not being able to afford it. Doesn't cut it either. You just don't invite if you don't have the funds.
Just supposen you'd have sent her with no money.
Of course she doesn't want to back there. Would anyone.
I'd just tell them the truth. The only make believe stories are tell are the ones i read to my 3 year old nephew.

RoyalBlue Sat 23-Jul-16 23:02:44

shock They sound awful! Poor A, the dad made her cry shock I would be livid if that was my DD, never send them back and I would tell them exactly why, but you may want to keep the peace and just give excuses if you feel B's friendship is worth keeping

hazeimcgee Sat 23-Jul-16 23:02:59

If she doesn't want to go, you can hardly flrce the poor kid. I guess just at the time ask dd what she wants to tell them - it might cause issues between the girls if you honestly say she doesn't wanna come cos you're both crazy! Who shouts at children for not having money for lunch on a trip out??

Doinmummy Sat 23-Jul-16 23:03:21

I'd try and make excuses for as long as possible . I feel a bit sorry for B and if you tell the truth her parents (who sound a bit odd) may well tell her and it could cause problems with the friendship .

Statelychangers Sat 23-Jul-16 23:03:32

I think you should never send your kids anywhere! Dcs have a right to decide and yours has made her preferences perfectly clear, whatever the oddity involved respect your dc's decision.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 23-Jul-16 23:04:48

She doesn't want to go, therefore she doesn't go.

Cosmo111 Sat 23-Jul-16 23:04:58

Surely common sense would be not to send them again and make an excuse. The only red flag was getting a shower 😕 They sound very controlling I wouldn't put my DC is their care again something seems off

RedLarvaYellowLarva Sat 23-Jul-16 23:05:28

Crikey! How weird of them!
I'd politely decline any invitations. Hopefully they will have a good think!

MilesHuntsWig Sat 23-Jul-16 23:05:31

Yep if she doesn't want to go because she feels uncomfortable like this then she shouldn't have to go.

Only1scoop Sat 23-Jul-16 23:05:41

All sounds a bit odd

Especially the food money at the attraction.

Was the other mum aware they were going?

I certainly wouldn't make her go but I doubt I'd have the guts to actually say why grin

mummymeister Sat 23-Jul-16 23:11:19

llikecluedo are you one of these mums whose daughters say that they are their best friends. because to be honest this is way too much information about a night away. all the details remembered so minutely, does seem terribly odd.

it seems like your dd really doesn't want to go and in order to persuade you of this has blown things up to be the worst that they possibly can be so that you will agree with her. like the child who pretends to be sick on a food that they don't like as they know just saying I don't like it wont stop it being given.

Look, she is 10 and quite capable of saying who she does and does not want to sleep over with. she has told you she doesn't want to and you should respect that. say to her she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to but she needs to be aware of the consequences of saying that - ie the other two girls with have time alone that might make her feel a bit excluded.

Shizzlestix Sat 23-Jul-16 23:11:37

Don't even know why you're asking. Of course you shouldn't send her back to that situation. Bizarre to even ask.

MollyTwo Sat 23-Jul-16 23:16:44

Why on earth are you even asking this? I give up.

IlikeCluedo Sat 23-Jul-16 23:17:08

We weren't aware they were going to an attraction on the second day they said they might go out into our local town in which case a couple of pound for a pasty or something would have been fine. First I knew of it was when DD came home.

DD says she still wants to be friends with B as she is nice without her parents around and she likes her and feels a bit sorry for her.

Sorry it's long I didn't want to dripfeed.
I am just worried about what we should say to the parents.

IlikeCluedo Sat 23-Jul-16 23:20:01

Sorry I am a male so not really one of those mums (or dad's)
I'm just not sure how to deal with this as DD wants to be friends with her she just doesn't want to spend time with the parents.

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