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Only 5 out of 15 invitees coming to DS's party tomorrow - and it's all my fault!

(67 Posts)
Dumpelstiltskin Sat 23-Jul-16 17:44:32

Feel so sad for him. He has been so looking forward to having his party (6th) at a certain venue this year. We have had 5 acceptances, 5 can't make it and 5 non responses. I have had to pay for the minimum 10 anyway and feel so bad for DS that he will have so few of his classmates there.

I would have invited the whole bloody class if I'd known so few would turn up!

I feel so guilty because I find chat at the school gate very difficult and I wonder if that's why so few parents are bringing their DC. I don't talk to anyone as such, although always smile and say hi to anyone who acknowledges me but few do.

I suffer from crippling PTSD and OCD and find it so draining making small talk as I worry I will come across as a freak and will spend hours dissecting the convo afterwards in case I have said something out of place, so it's easier to just say nothing at all. Most of the other Mums have got into groups now and I am on the sidelines as usual. There was a group collection for the teacher, that was presented to her yesterday, I was not included in it, knew nothing about it and would have gladly given to it. Gave last year.

I am used to feeling lonely for myself but feel that as the other parents probably think I am up my backside or cold which is how I've been told I come across, that my little DS is being impacted too. He gets on well with everyone at school, his teacher describes him as a ray of sunshine and beautifully behaved so it's not that he is not liked so I assume it's because the other parents don't like me call me paranoid which I am! .

We have no family to celebrate with so his party was his celebration. I have older DC who all had parties and never did so few turn up to theirs but my anxiety was not so bad then and it was easier to talk to other parents while DC were lining there. At DS's school parents drop at gate.

Feel so shit and don't know how to change things for him.

scurryfunge Sat 23-Jul-16 17:48:41

At the age of six, five party goers is plenty. He will still have fun you know. Don't blame yourself. This time of people have all sorts of plans for the holidays.

hollie11 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:51:01

Lots of people go away in the summer holidays, it's probably just that lots of families have gone away and not necessarily something to do with you being quiet at the school. Sorry you feel bad for your son, he'll have a lovely time at his party regardless.

Iambubbles86 Sat 23-Jul-16 17:51:28

Your post is exactly me last month down to the PTSD & ocd, stress, amount of people invited vs responses.. Everything (except he's my oldest)!! How weird. It worked out in the end. Ds1 was more than happy with the 6 people he had (I added a sibling who turned up technically uninvited but very much welcome). He had a great time and it really didn't matter that in our eyes as adults that's a small number of attendees as to him it was absolutely fine.

MollyTwo Sat 23-Jul-16 17:53:24

5 is a good number op and hopefully a few of The other non responses turn up. It's last minute but any neighbours that could pop over?

NervousRider Sat 23-Jul-16 17:55:22

Have you got contact details for any of the non-rsvp ones?

3boys3dogshelp Sat 23-Jul-16 17:55:44

It might be partly down to the weekend you have chosen too. My ds has his birthday in the holidays but I had his party 2 weeks ago before all his friends disappeared for the summer. Your son sounds lovely, keep smiling and he will have a great time regardless of numbers. Also text round the attending kid's parents and offer for siblings to come along if you want more people there.

humblesims Sat 23-Jul-16 17:57:00

Yes 5 is plenty for a six year old. He wont think about the others if you dont make a thing of it. Also as others say alot of people will be away at this time of year. Have lots of fun for the party and he'll love it. Try not to worry, no one is judging you. flowers

ChilliMum Sat 23-Jul-16 17:59:31

I don't think it's you. I wouldn't stop my child goin to a party just because I thought the mum was a bit quiet / detached etc. I think it's probably because it's July and people have holiday plans, families visiting or bbqs and such also there will no doubt a few who's invites are still at the bottom of the reading or sports bag (happened to me twice blush ).
I have a friend with July twins. last year they invited 10 kids to their party only 2 could make it, kids are lovely and mum is outgoing, sociable very involved in the school and well liked.
It really is nothing to do with you.

LunaLoveg00d Sat 23-Jul-16 18:01:45

We had this scenario once as my son has a birthday at a very busy time of year. It's the first weekend of the school holidays in England, the middle of hte school holidays elsewhere and LOTS of people are away. I wouldn't take it personally.

OptimisticSix Sat 23-Jul-16 18:03:28

I think five is plenty too, pain you have to pay for ten. I suspect it's the time of the year, so many people are going on holiday and have summer holiday plans already... anyway you might find that the five who do come have siblings with them when they are dropped off, you could invite them to stay, bond with those five parents without so much prressure... my children have attended six schools between them with me putting in various degrees of effort at the gates and for most of their parties I'd say about a third of the class have attended each one. A third have not answered and a third declined or said yes and still not attended smile

george1020 Sat 23-Jul-16 18:03:51

Definitely time of year! your DC will have a great time really don't worry.

PotteringAlong Sat 23-Jul-16 18:05:32

It's not you, it's because you're having his party in the summer holidays! People are away; it's the nature of holidays.

Cordelia1234 Sat 23-Jul-16 18:08:29

Happened with daughters last party...only a few accepted, some non replies, some away on holiday replies...this time I changed the party to a weekend in the school term....lots came ..

lljkk Sat 23-Jul-16 18:08:54

Oh that sucks if you have to pay for minimum 10. Is there no way you could round up some extras, or even invite siblings of those who said RSVP'd yes (tell them no gift required, but you don't want to see the place you paid for go to waste).

I've had this problem. Good reason to initially invite 3 weeks before & then do a 2nd round of invites about 5 days before.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Sat 23-Jul-16 18:09:40

Definitely time of year. My friends child (whose birthday is 1st August ) invited the whole class to her party last year on the weekend after her actual birthday. Out of 28 only 6 could make it. This year she had in on the afternoon of the last day of term. 27 out of 29 turned up!

Dumpelstiltskin Sat 23-Jul-16 18:10:45

Thank you all. I knew the date was a bit off. I had planned to do it on an earlier date but overheard another mother talking about her DS's being on that date and didn't want them to clash.

I do constantly judge myself. Feeling that you are a nutter does not help with the old self esteem!

Lambubbles so sorry that you are in the same situ. It is an utter bitch and not visible to other people, nor something you want people to know about, which makes it ten times harder to deal with flowers.

Siblings will of course be welcome.

No contact details of the non RSVPers but hoping a few turn up, wouldn't chase them as don't want to appear desperate!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sat 23-Jul-16 18:10:51

did the invites go via the teacher?

the last few days of term we kept coming home with piles of art and school work, haven't looked through it, if there's been a party invite in there we'll have missed it. Luckily most parents at our school back up the paper invite with a facebook event invite because bookbagging is so unreliable

DinosaursRoar Sat 23-Jul-16 18:12:08

Deep breath - it's unlikely to have anything to do with you - at that age, most would do 'drop and run' so not factor in at all if they got on with you or not.

It's school holidays, a lot of people will be away. As well as the 5, will your other DCs be going along? So will it be more like 7/8 DCs in total?

If you have any contact details for the other 5 outstanding ones, call /email/text today and check if they can make it. Some will have forgotten in the end of term/holiday plans, just check!

ohtheholidays Sat 23-Jul-16 18:12:17

It's the summer holidays where we are OP if it's the same where you are I bet it's because alot have gone away on holiday or have booked up days out with they're LO's.

Griphook Sat 23-Jul-16 18:12:46

People are drop are rsvp's, are you on fb, can you friend request them and send a message asking them if they are coming. It might be easier written down.

harderandharder2breathe Sat 23-Jul-16 18:15:00

I'm sure it's the time of year not you

I mean... It could be you if you scream drunkenly at random kids while flicking fag ash in babies' eyes, or if you invited five year olds to a drug fuelled rave... But I don't think that's the case...

It's a pain you had to pay for 10, but hopefully some of your non-responders will turn up. Or do you have siblings of guests, or your sons cousins or neighbours you could invite? Only cause you've paid anyway.

But your son won't care unless he thinks you do. He will just have a brilliant party with his friends.

Littlefluffyclouds81 Sat 23-Jul-16 18:15:53

It was my dd's 6th birthday party today. I was in exactly the same boat almost, 6 attendees had confirmed, the other 9 either couldn't come or didn't reply. And I had to pay for a minimum of 10.

Like you, I have 'issues' which make it difficult for me to be all chummy with school mums. But I don't blame myself, I think it's a combination of people just being too fucking rude to bother replying, and also the first week of the holidays mean that a lot of people are away.

As it turned out, the 7 of them had a really lovely time. I think it was the perfect number, if there'd been twice as many it would have been hectic. Dd loved her party, and less people to buy for meant that the people that did come had kick-ass party bags to take home. I'm sure your ds will have a great time, please don't worry. 5 guests is plenty.

honeyroar Sat 23-Jul-16 18:16:42

As long as he's got a few friends, a fun venue and a cake he will have a wonderful birthday to remember.

And don't worry about not being included in school gate cliques. It might not feel like it, but it's probably much less stressful.

Have a lovely party. Enjoy it for what it is, don't let what didn't happen spoil it.

leccybill Sat 23-Jul-16 18:17:34

Took DD to her drama class thus morning and only 6 kids were there out of a usual 20.

Lots of folk are away. We've got a really busy weekend ourselves. It's not you.

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